Sunday, 18 August 2013

Take it slow .....

 I carried tons of history, much of it negative, from my childhood's memories, the experiences and my own shocks and disappointments in life.We all had our past saved in our journal..Letting go of the past can be really hard especially when it hurts.

Focusing on the present moment is something I struggle with on a daily basis. Hard as I try, much as I know it's so much better to live in the now, I struggle with finding the present moment among my constantly racing thoughts. Whether it's the already-happened past creeping back into my mind or the who-knows-if-it-will-happen future taking hold of my thoughts, more often than not I find myself living somewhere other than the present moment. And, of course, that's not what I want to be doing. 

Looking backward has always been a fault of mine . I wanted to and still want to stop focusing on the past. Whether it's a past relationship, a family issue from the past, or a mistake I made years ago, thoughts of days gone by often seem to find their way into my mind, clearly hindering my ability to live fully in the present moment. Like most people, thoughts of the past impact my present and not often in a positive way. 

Pursuant to my previous post on falling in love, I wonder if I'm strange. I love looking at ordinary things and making it into a complex world full of magic and beauty. The thought of creating worlds fascinate me; it's like exploring someplace which you will never get the chance to go to in reality.But my fear of giving in and falling in love again its like urghhhh-will i get hurt and go through another phase of broken heart again?

Winding your way through life's relationships and managing to have successful interactions with the ones you love is no easy feat.Communications is the most crucial tool especially dealing with distance.Here's a 4 phases of love by Julie which I would like to share :-

Julie's Four Phases of Love


  • Object-Fantasy In the first phase, we project ourselves, our needs, and our past onto a stranger. Then, we become committed to making sure that our fantasy comes true or that our worst fears don’t. Because this phase triggers so many issues, intensified by anxieties and hormones, it is often difficult for people to differentiate between what’s real and what isn’t. “In romantic relationships, this phase can easily trick you,” Orlov cautions.

  • Self-Discovery In phase two, we begin to see the other person for who he truly is, and react to his less than perfect behavior. We also begin to reveal our true selves. Fantasies are lost, disappointments surface, and the real work of relationships begins. As Orlov demonstrates, this phase offers opportunities for realistic self-assessment—of our beliefs and expectations, our vulnerabilities, and our biases and lack of tolerance—and for practicing empathy and compassion.         

  • Personal Transformation.  In phase three, we fully accept our significant other for who she truly is, without manipulating her opinions, choices, or convictions. We also take full responsibility for our own feelings, thoughts, and actions, without blaming our better half for the worst outcomes. This phase, as Orlov stresses, demands an ongoing commitment to self-reflection, self-control, integrity, and honest communication. The payoff? “Experiencing deep and profound love becomes possible,” Orlov declares.                            

  • Relational Transformation.  In the fourth and ultimate phase, the relationship goes beyond simply meeting the needs of both individuals. The relationship takes on a life and meaning of its own, affecting other people in the couple’s lives, family, and community. “A shared purpose and vision emerges,” Orlov attests. “Each person in the relationship supports each other in working toward that purpose. Each person lives into the vision.”