Monday, 16 March 2015

In your own mirror

"Love After Love"
Derek Walcott

The time will come
when, with elation, 
you will greet yourself arriving
at your own door, in your own mirror, 
and each will smile at the other's welcome,

and say, sit here. Eat. 
You will love again the stranger who was your self. 
 Give bread. Give back your heart
to itself, to the stranger who has loved you

all your life, whom you ignored
for another who knows you by heart.
Take down the love letters from the bookshelf, 

the photographs, the desperate notes, 
peel your own image from the mirror.

 When I read the poem, I think about self love and what it means to really sit with yourself, be in love with yourself, after the love of another is gone. The poem makes me think about reflections, what we're seeing when we look in the mirror and how much of that is tied to what we expect others to see in us. When you look in the mirror, do you smile at yourself? Are you happy to see yourself? Are you as happy to see yourself as you would be see another? Or as another would be to see you? 

I spend time analyzing and thinking and over-thinking situations, instead of really just sitting down with myself and realizing that the love I have for myself should be my focus. I should, as the poem suggests, greet myself with elation, with kindness, with love.While reading this poem leaves me with a sad taste in my mouth, the thought of a love lost, and it also reminds me, loneliness comes when you forget that God is always there for you and it is still a complete life without the love letters, the photographs, the others.

"You can wake up every day and love yourself as much as you possibly can and still love all of the people around you. That's the amazing thing about love! It's not something that comes in limited quantities. There is plenty of love in you to share both with yourself and others"

Saturday, 7 March 2015

From Penang to KL..,

"Happiness Doesn't Just Happen." Wow. That sounds like something that could be the story of my life in four words! Happiness doesn't just happen at least not for most people. Happiness is something you have to work at, work towards, and keep working on. For some people, happiness comes with ease.As for me, my definition happy those days always related to my love life. The first thing an old friend cum housemate back in Dublin days when I rang her, " how's your love life now Kema"? 

It was not nearly as easy as I thought it would be to answer. At all.

That happened and it wasn't fun. But the storytelling part comes in when I began my sentence with " I don't know, and it feels like I am too old (when you reach the point of life, where is this heading to?) to enter any new relationship. The story went on and on.. But, in truth, the only thing that's real, that's actually happening right now, is the present moment.  I chill too much for so long because as far as I remember, I am lucky to have friends who concern about me, checking me out every now and then who am I going out with and always lend their shoulder to cry on when things were moving opposite direction. 

Never before have I thought about happiness as a way to be generous, but an old friend of mine told me, " don't you think you always attract the negative aura around you when comes to love life? When you're negative or unhappy, you're sucking the life from other people. Your presence is draining, tiring.People don't really notice you and everything was full with negativity.To be happy is to give of yourself, your joy, to the world. 

I think to myself, "Am I making the choice to be happy right now?" I'm not always making that choice (who is!?) but I try to do it more often than not. I try to live in the moment and embrace the happiness in whatever situation I am in. I take positivity one day at a time. I realize that I can choose to be happy, no matter what's happening. This doesn't mean I'm always happy, but it does mean that I always have the choice to be happy. For some, happiness and positivity come easily without much thought. For me, it must be a choice and it's so wonderful to know that every day I can choose to be happy.

She made me realized that happiness is a choice, negativity is a habit that can be broken, and unhappiness is very self-absorbed (in most cases). I love Tasha Tahir. You know I always love you for being truthful and ketuk me. Guess I miss too much. 



Thursday, 5 March 2015

recognize the courage at the heart of vulnerability...,