and again?

Im tired of just being me.I hurt myself again and for the past 2 years.I have gone through the same phase.I ended crying the whole nite and my eyes starts puffy again.I want to enter proper adulthood where I can handle pains.

Im begging u to leave me and let me move on.

Can't wait for November!

Mama has booked her tic for my graduation but unfortunately Papa is not coming since he has conference during the week and exams the week before.Im quite frustrated because Papa wont be around.I asked Papa earlier,will he manage on his own while Mama is here.He said,"Oh,I just lend her to you for only 11 days then she has to go home!".Lol.In the other hand,Mama has to prepare 2 weeks of his clothes including the pyjamas and work clothes while she's away.Having perfectionist dad who wants his clothes including pyjamas to be ironed is really tough for mama.Since Mama had breast cancer and she is not capable to iron plus we don't hire maid at home,mama sends their clothes to laundry every 2 days.


Nevertheless,Im thankful for having Mama on my conferring day,InsyaAllah.Yes,we (Mama and I)didn't manage to pursuade Papa to leave his job,exams to join us this November.So our hopes to make hole in his pocket for shopping in Paris musnah!Papa loves me.He promised to come visiting me sometimes next year and offered me flight tix to go home.Heee.By the way,I guess London will be better place for me and mama to have our bonding session.I booked our tix.Atleast we can lingering around London and visit Aliaa.


I sound excited didnt I?Definitely!It has been 1 year and 2 weeks since I left.I can't wait to hug and kiss Mama.Of course,I wish Papa is able to come.I miss his perfumes smell.I miss to hug him.I miss to watch movie with him and ketuk him to buy me this and that.I miss three of us sitting infront of our small garden and have cup of coffee after Isya'.


To my dearest cousins who innitially wanted to come,jgn jealous Umi is coming.You guys pegi la sekolah ok?

Heee.

Toodles.

Hugs and Kisses

Short conversation with Fiza Babe arnd 12 am (Dublin time) & 7am (Malaysian time).


Me:Hello,goshhhh,u still sleeping while u r getting engaged in few hours!


Fiza:Aaaa,I slept late yesterday..The event starts in the evening*Blur*


Me:Hahahah.U kenal tak sapa ni..Omg,can't believe it.Youuuuu are no longer single.


Fiza:I tau,I tau.Its u Akmaaaaaa..*Blur*


LMAO.


Me:What time Nor is coming?Alaaa so sad im not there to celebrate it.Yada Yada.(Asking her the make up,the dress and the guests and stuff)


Me:Ok babe,I have to go now.Congrats on ur engagement.Im pretty sure u are so excited and will definitely look fab!Im happy for u and Isk.Pls upload pictures ok!


Fiza:Thanks babe,I love youuuuuuu ok.Take care!


and yes


The engagement was beautifully done.It was held at Fiza's.I admired the costume she wore,the make up,dais,decoration and the atmosphere of kenduriiiiiiiiiiiiii where everyone will gather plus pok pek here & there.Everything was blend.



I felt sorry and guilty when i didn't manage to attend my good friend's big day.For instance Syikin(we were closed since 10).To Fiza babe,u looked fab.Undeniable!InsyaAllah,once im back,we'll lingering around and of course 3 of us will become bonzai again.Another wedding i will miss out are Che in & Shakey(held this weekend) and tadika friends(Nazmin & T.Amir).



What I’m trying to justify is that don’t take your friends for granted, because friendship needs to be cultivated and without effort, it will fade away. Even if you’re miles apart.Im grateful to have amazing and wonderful friends although we are miles away.Sincerity is the best policy to retain the friendship:)

Isk & Ijah @ fiza aka my bonzai gf!

The siblings

Presenting the bonzai who finally became Iskandar's Fiance'.Ok butterflies blakang tu i kenal!it was my gift years years back.Auuuww.


♥

Catching up with the good old days high school's friend,Alric.

Random pics

There's alot of pictures tagged and uploaded.Those are candid i picked from friend's album.

More pictures in Facebook.Ey,i am so obsess with myself now.Excuse ok!

Stuffed with raya food.I'm bloated & tired,couldnt think what to blog.I'll post some of the pictures later.

Gonna start my puasa enam today:)

Cheers.

Selamat Hari Raya

Omggggggggg...

Just fin cooking at Fairy's.We started the session around 2pm and ended at 12am.10 hours of cooking with girls and Nuar.Goshhh.Lembik giler ok!This year we had 7 main dishes consist of lontong,rendang ayam,rendang daging,soto,nasi dagang,gulai ikan,kuah kacang and not least kuih bakar.


Glad it turned our perfect!Can't wait to eat everything yg sgt tempting.Perhaps,I shall start to Puasa Enam on Monday.The main dishes contained santan yg super byk.Despite with all the food ,I am really excited to visit friend's place tomorrow after solat Aidilfitri at Malaysian Hall.


I had short conversation with Papa and Mama while they are on their back to Melaka.I managed not to cry because I was really exhausted and tak nak spoil their mood too.Besides that,my uncle & cousins are in Perak now celebrating the festive with Tok.We managed to speak for a while since everyone were in hurry to mosque.


As for me,although this is my 3rd year beraya without loved ones,I am still in the mood and cooked Nasi Dagang,Gulai ikan and Kuih bakar to spice up the festive.Thanks to those who sent me smses which im truly sorry i haven't got time to reply.

the girls who all the way kaypooh in the kitchen + Nuar(Serene's hubby)

Serene who helped me to cook the gulai and baked the kuih bakar which innitially i forgot to put the santan(HAHAHA;p).She cooked soto.

All time favourite babe.Poor fairy.She has class on raya:(

Nasi Dagang

Gulai Ikan

Acar timun & nenas

and ,

Kuih Bakar

...................................................

Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri,Maaf zahir & batin.

To my precious,irreplaceable ayanda bonda,loving family and dearest friends.

♥
Akmaelinda yg jauh di perantauan.Uwaaaaa:(

Ramadhan Al Mubarak

Here i am,blogging while eating my last berbuka at home because tomorrow i'll be at Fairy's house to have cooking session with the bunch.Ramadhan has finally come to an end.Rasa mcm baru jer berpuasa indeed it feels like baru jer bersahur.Alhamdulillah,it went well.I had my best Ramadhan this year.The best gift Allah has given to me:)


Not to mention,Allah has awarded me roomie who wakes me up every sahur and asked me to solat subuh right after bersahur.Thanks Tasha!Besides that,Allah has given me good friends who always called me up to berbuka together.Thanks Bun,Mary,Els,Fairy,Rina,Syira,Azza,Wawa,Acap & those i forgot to jot down the names,Thank you so much.


Despite fasting without loved ones,I have learnt alot through out the Ramadhan.I always moaning how hard and tough my life without my parents around,how I hate when I miss my friends so much,how I disgust restaurants over here because its not heaven as Malaysia and how I extremely dislike Dublin's wheather.


I learnt that Ramadhan is a learning process.There are lotsa of people living in hunger,poverty,love-less,lost their bestfriends,lost the family,divorced, as well as loss in everything.Those people are unfortunate but Allah has tested them.Everything happen with a good reason.It taught us to be wise and appreciate things we have now.


"Time in its aging course teaches all things"


Well,I'll update more tomorrow for my ucapan Hari Raya:)

Meal for today but im going to have big meal later!

and,

I decided to chop the fringe again.This time around much better because I went to saloon & asked the hairstylist alter abit here and there.Tasha and I had new hair cut ok purposely for Raya!Euuwww;p

:)

"A loving heart is the truest wisdom..."

Mama oh Mama

As i was talking to Mama regarding my upcoming graduation,she was whining about her denim.I was laughing while having the conversation.


Mama: "Adik,I think I need to buy new jeans before going to Dublin..."

Me:"Whaattttt?You have zillions of jeans la Ma.You don't need to buy new one.You might want to consider to shop new jeans here.."

Then she paused.

Mama:"I can't even fit any of my jeans.Even I took Papa's,still I don't fit his.All my levis are dump in my closet because it didn't fit me perfectly..

Me:"Maaaa,I thought its Ramadhan.You should have lost weight atleast 1kg..Kata makan roti jer everyday!"

Mama:"Entah la..I think I have expanded since puasa...I wear slacks everytime I go out and few of my jeans which stretchable.."

Papa who just came back from surau interrupted,

Papa:"Mama eats roti plus nasi dagang plus nasi kerabu everyday,thats why she put on weight since puasa.."

Hahahahahhaha:pp


She has made me laughed and teased her.Poor mama.Papa and I always asked her to register herself at gym because the gym is next to her workplace but she refused.Mama used to weight 36 kgs before she got married to papa.I even can't fit in her kebaya.Now she wears size 16 and can u imagine from a very petite woman,she turned to that size.I can't imagine myself in the same time.If now i am 56 kg(sgt chubby),later after 20 years,is it possible to reach 100kg.Omg.SCARYYYYnyer!

I love u Mama no matter what!



Love,

Adik:)

Heart Pendant

I broke my pendants twice and Mama had to replace it everytime I broke it.Can u imagine how could i smashed the fragile little thing?Urgh..,I came across Tiffany Heart Lock Pendant which is not too pricy but the idea of getting new one is to break the current flowery pendant i got last year.Im eye-ing on it because its cheap and I shall save if Mama refused to get me that.

*excessive pleasure*


p/s:Tido sambil berangan:p

Syukur

Syukur,Alhamdulillah.
The best ramadhan gift I would never forget and with His blessing,everything has been running smoothly.Raya pun nak dekat:)

P/S:nak duit raya pleaseeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee:p

1st attempt :)

Finally I managed to bake Kuih Bakar for the 1st time in my entire life.I have been mengidam since 1st Ramadhan.It was my 1st attempt.I didn't put sesame seed since the girls prefer plain kuih bakar.Thanks to Anabella for the recipe.Glad it turned out good although the shape was not that perfect:)

I'll improvised it later.Eyyyy know what,I was so excited to bake until i neglected the main dish consist of Nasi Lemak,Sotong goreng tepung,Ayam berempah,ikan bilis,telur rebus & sambal.Sorry guys.

Had iftar with Acap,Bun,Els,Zils,Bagak & Mary.They loved the kuih bakar:)
So we had good times makan-makan and cathing up.Later then,Els made Teh tarik and they stayed until sahur.Can't stop laughing and teasing each other.Acap,Els and Bun are going back for raya hols next week.


Anyway,Acap is getting engaged soon after raya with Mast(his long last gf).This mamat i have known back in Uitm sgt close and otak sgt giler pls.We were in the same class,same Hoo-Haa group,and we shared lotsa secrets.Haha.I only can gigit jari*pfft* looking at my group of friends one by one decided to end their single life.Padan muka I ok:p

and

Yeay!my fedex arrived yesterday.I shall sort it by now!Taa lovies!

Berbuka alone

I had coffee with muffin and donut for berbuka today all alone!Soooo sad:(

Tweet.Not only muffin and donut,I had pizza too.I Stuffed with junk food.

Siap bole online while having the food.Today dah 10 malam terakhir Ramadhan.Semoga lebih diberkati.InsyaAllah.

♥

09/09/09

Lucky number 9 but not to me!My landlord sent an sms saying he gotta remove my bed and replace it with single bed.Gosh.Sakiiiiit nye hati!For almost a year I tdo on the double bed all alone and now im going to sleep on single bed for the resttttttttttttt of years to come if im gonna stay in the same house.Hahaha;p.So good bye comfy bed,a place i golek-golek everyday and hello new single bed.P/S:susah la nak buat sleepover after this.

*Place where I snooze,talk on the phone,webcamming,facebooking and blogging*

"My pink lappie,cuddling fat hamster and pink flowery bantal busuk"

I have been searching the best skincare product since my skin became a bit dry.Fyi,i've been using Clean & Clear since 10 years old and Loreal too.Recently,I changed to Nivea but still,my skin doesnt show any diff.I tried Clinique before but it didnt work on my face.So today,i decided to go Biotherm counter and they did skin test.My skin is actually dehydrated due to unhealthy lifestyle and need more water.I bought the trial pack to see the result in few weeks.Hopefully ok la kan so I can stick to one facial product till the end.

and

Yeay!My fedex package has already posted.Mom rang me this morn and she said everything has been sent except the cream lace baju raya(which tak siap) as well as Johnson&Johnson lotion due to limited kgs.Gosh,I have been waiting for the lotion since August because i seriously rely on that!Lotion kat sini tak mosturize ok!Oh yea,i had buffet at Full House for berbuka just now.Im stuffed with lotsa food.Seriously full to the max.Shall sleep and wake for sahur.


Good nite lovies.
9/9/9 is so over rated!

Anak Solehah

Anak-anak adalah simpanan berharga untuk di akhirat. Apabila tibanya saat kematian di mana segala pahala dari amalan kita terputus, merekalah yang dapat kita harapkan untuk menyambung pahala kita dan mendoakan kesejahteraan kita di alam kubur dan memohon keampunan Allah untuk kita. Sabda Rasulullah s.a.w.;


إذَا مَاتَ الإِنْسَانُ انْقَطَعَ عَنْهُ عَمَلُهُ إلاَّ مِنْ ثَلاَثَةٍ: إِلاَّ مِنْ صَدَقَةٍ جَارِيَةٍ، أَوْ عِلْمٍ يُنْتَفَعُ بِهِ، أَوْ وَلَدٍ صَالِحٍ يَدْعُو لَهُ

“Apabila matinya seorang manusia, terputuslah pahala amalannya kecuali dari tiga perkara iaitu:
Sedekah jariah
Ilmu yang diambil manfaat dengannya
Anak yang soleh yang mendoakan untuknya”.
(Riwayat Imam Muslim dari Abu Hurairah r.a.)


Apa makna anak soleh?

Anak yang soleh bukan sahaja anak yang bersopan-santun dan taat kepada ibu-bapa sebagaimana yang disangka oleh kebanyakan kita, tetapi yang lebih utama dari itu ialah anak yang menjaga agamanya. Anak yang soleh ialah anak yang ta’at kepada Allah, yang tahu kewajipannya sebagai hamba Allah dan tahu tanggungjawabnya kepada agamanya. Apabila seorang anak dididik dengan taat kepada Allah dan patuh kepada suruhan agama, Insya’Allah anak itu secara automatik akan taat kepada ibu-bapanya dan akan menjaga akhlaknya di mana-mana sahaja ia berada.


Dear God,

I ♥ Papa and Mama so much even I always disobey & break the rules.All bad things are purely my own flaws.Please protect both of them,forgive their sins and let them happy everyday in their life.Amin.

I miss u dearly Papa & Mama.Always.

Indomee

Yuyu's parcel finally arrived.I thought i'll be receiving a packet (means there were 5 packet of indomee inside) but it was only 1 pack of indomee in the envelope.Hahaha.I mcm WTH she sent me only 1 packet where she paid for MYR 6 stamp.Then i realised how sweet she is because I keep on saying to her "I mengidam indomee laaaa".Ya Allah,Im such a bad friend.She has made an effort to send all the way.

Thank you yayangs.I really loved the effort.Tak sampai hati nak makan because Im touched.You such a sweetheart.Thanksssss again.I ♥ u sgt sgt.Sayang awak!Awak paling termuah la.The thoughts that counts ok yang and stop calling me geds because saya tak geds!
*hugs*

Presenting the indomee i mengidam sgt.I mengidam gel indomee at Bestari, hartamas.Sedapp woo!Anyways,mama said my baju raya tak de tailor nak amik even she asked salikin sidek and few tailors near by.Pity me!I wanted so much to wear the cream lace.Tak de rezeki:( May be next raya.Raya haji perhaps.

:)

Chilling at Chill Dara

Due to everyone is going back for raya,we went for shop seeing on weekends before Bun and Els going back for 2 weeks raya holidays.Pfft*jealousy expression*

So we decided to tremble our broken wallets all the way to Kildare Village (chill dara).We took train since it was last min plan.It took us 45 mins in the train which cost 20 euros and bus to the outlet.

We arrived around 2 pm and waaalaaaa..The outcomes not too bad.Innitially we were sticking to each other from one shop to another shop.After an hour 4 of us splitted.I wasn't in the mood of shopping but it turned the other way round.Haha.

I bought top & accesories at Monsoon,Cath Kidson manicure set,shirt at Ted Baker and the black-mules shoes from LK Bennett.Atleast its worth of going there for 20 euros tic..Els bought herself super expensive hair roller dryer while Bun got herself tops(banyak ok) from RL & Monsoon and LK Bennett shoes.Guess who actually spent alot and spent 1 hour by starring at Anya Hindamarch bag?Its Mary!Gosh her new-Anya gorj pls.Ok bye la kan.I don't afford the bag.I only afford to touch it.

Btw, Mary and I were eye-ing on Bally white shoes which is too expensive for me especially.Hello,like-no-way to buy it.LK Bennett bole la.Way too cheap ok!

Happy Mary because she had Anya and Cik Peace Waed

Els usual pose and org penat berpuasa me!

Anyaaaaa in my dream but in Mary's closet.

and,

The result of Els'new hair roller.Pls say i looked old innit.I can't bear the straighten hair.

Toodles:)

Because im a girl

At times,I wish I am strong enough to handle problems and feelings I had.I refused to get over it and I had hard times to let it go.I feel so upset! Ya Allah,i need a strength.

Doa agar diteguhkan hati oleh Allah

اللَّهُمَّ مُصَرِّفَ الْقُلُوبِ، صَرِّفْ قُلُوبَنَا عَلَىَ طَاعَتِكَ

“Ya Allah! Tuhan yang berkuasa memalingkan hati-hati. Palingkanlah hati-hati kami (dari kekufuran, dosa dan maksiat agar ia berada di atas) ketaatan kepadaMu”.
(Riwayat Imam Muslim dari ‘Amru bin al-‘As r.a.)

Btw,

I spoke to mom few hours ago.She complaint about my custom made baju raya which is the main cream lace tak siap lagi.The rest 2 dah siap.So there's additional Yes-im-upset-Today.Mom promised me she'll try to fix it with the tailor so i can wear the cream one on 1st raya.Plus this year family's theme is cream.I guess i'll be wearing the rest two and perhaps my other baju raya in my closet back in Malaysia still available to wear.I shall style it up!


As i browsing facebook,my dearest bestie sent me pic through her so-canggih-phone on YM while they were break-fasting together at Eden.Jealous,sedih and mixed feelings all over!I redha jer looking at the yummylicious food.Another Yes-im-still-upset because im not there.

*HUGS*

Its 3.53 pm.I better take a shower now and get my lazy ass out from home now.Im going out for theraphy and berbuka later.

Boo Hoo

Boo Hoo.Im all wrapped up since morning except around 4pm i took my shower and solat.Gosh.I have been so lazy than usual.The internet connection sucks big time.Ya Allah,what kind of words i used!Mcm tak puasa I nie!Noooo.I am fasting except last week i had 1 week period.Alhamdulilah im back on track last sunday.I was really looking forward to fast as soon as possible.

Back then, I always made an excuse.Konon period 2 weeks and extended it more.At times i couldnt imagine myself years ago.I skipped alot.I couldnt count how many days I fast.I remember when i was 15,I ate at Dome and bought Coffee Bean at klcc in public during the ramadhan month.Then I purposely ate in public by going to goodie place to eat.I did it every year since high school.Mcdonald would be the greatest choice to tapau.Grew up as rebellious city girl made me do-what-ever-i-want without realising the dosa i've made.Well papa and mama have no idea but mum can smelled my misbehave.Alhamdulillah,now i realised and hope to get the keberkatan from Allah di bulan yang mulia ini.

Btw,The girlfriends are going out tomorrow (Friday) for buka puasa session.Haaaa.I am so jealous.I nak nangis ok.Pls eat my portion ok girls.I miss to makan-makan with u all even if its not Ramadhan.Eeeeeeeeeyyy,tak suka la rindu rindu nie and makan-makan.I chop u all later when i come back!Oh yea,thanks for writing on my wall and making me JEALOUS smp hari ni.Aysha,jgn buat ayat sweet makan ikea will not be the same w.o me.Hahaha. ♥ u girls to the bits!

The mak ciks i miss most.