John Tyree - All I Ever Wanted

Forgive and Forget

It's hard to let go of people, of things, of emotions. It's hard to let go when you know you have to. It's hard to let go when you don't want to. I find that some people are better at letting go of some things than others.It's okay to have a hard time letting go. Whether it's things, people, or thoughts, it's difficult to give up something that you once thought as yours. Just like happiness, getting rid of things you don't need in your life is a choice. You don't usually get forced into it. It takes time and sooner or later, you will definitely get over it and move on with your life. Learn to forgive and forget the your past. InsyaAllah you will be happy!

Eid Mubarak everyone! 

Twenty-Nine

 Personally, the older I get and the more I learn about life and myself, the more confident I feel and the less I'm worried about what other people say/do/think. Yes, to some extent I care especially when people start to question when will I end my single hood, but I try to focus on the opinions, words, and actions of those who have a positive effect on my life and worry little about those who bring negativity into my life.  Hahaha. Ironic. Officially 29 on 16 July 2014.

Being 29...,

I've been blessed with some great, loyal, wonderful friends. Thank you for being such a sweetheart  and supportive. Thank you for the surprise birthday celebrations and gifts/notes/ cards.Though I'm not entirely enjoying being 29 , I would love to thank each of my amazing friends who never missed to make me happy when it comes to my birthday.  

I am growing, changing, morphing into a much better, happier, more open person who really does her best to live in the present moment. For those of you who know me, you know this isn't always me. I'm not always happy and I'm not always in the moment. But every single day I am getting better, happier. Alhamdulillah. I believe this blog potrayed how vulnerable I used to be especially when comes to a love relationship.

 I feel like I've grown so much to be more patience. I went through a pretty rough time in my life.It's been extremely difficult for me not to look back and to analyze the past. But Allah has given me a strength to move forward. So many things have changed in a year since my last birthday in 2013. 

 The greatest lesson I learned over the past year is, you have a choice. Choice to choose your own happiness. So here I am, embracing my final twenties before turning 30 next year. Looking forward for a good one this year.

Love,

12th July 2014

Over a year ago at this date, I remember receiving my first promotion letter from my former Director Business Banking who is now an Executive Director Banking. The excitement of receiving perfect gift a week before my birthday was the best thing ever during fasting month. And that night, I decided to perform terawikh at Putrajaya Mosque and drove all the way from home. 

To be completely honest, on that night itself, I prayed to God to grant me a soulmate. A guy who will loves me like my parent do, who always bear with my emotions and always there when I need a shoulder to cry. Ah we all want it. A perfect relationship. Finding a new hope in a relationship.

And much to my surprise, the next day after subuh prayer, a guy who was drifted apart from my life for almost 2 years called confronted his feeling. It was an amazing feeling and I thought that was it. My dua' was answered. So I gently open my heart and start a new chapter in life (relationship).  Everything was filled with beautiful things.It's like a fairytale.

A man who has an ability to truly savor all of the beautiful things life has to offer. He is the man I couldn't imagine existed and who I have been fortunate to know and admire.I don’t have to be superwoman around him. I can be the goofy, silly, crazy, weird, screwed and crippled and he still can bear with me.

But the challenge was only LDR. Happiness takes effort and, what some people might not realize, is it also takes courage. It's not easy to be in a long distance relationship. I had once and it jeopardised after more than 8 years together. Therefore, I tried not to look at the world through a negative lens. I tried to only see positive in LDR but Allah has his own plan for us. Things didn't work out for us. Distance and commitments.it was the hardest thing to say goodbye because there was so much hope.

It's been a life-changing experience in this LDR. I wonder why life send you these people who steal your heart in an instant, only to let them disappear shortly after. But one thing I learnt from this, is when I asked Allah to grant me a guy who makes me happy for entire life, He gave me a guy who made me laugh and smile besides helping me to eliminate my past moving forward to a better future.. It was an incredible experience and journey although it was a little while.

Sometimes...

You speak out all you feel is defiance
All you need is some self-reliance
Cause this world is gonna always try us
And all you wanted was to run for cover
Well here's looking to yourself and no other
We're all searching for that special something
And we keep on running

We all have the choice to take the lead or follow
I want to feel the light shine on me

You're so afraid of what people might say
But that's okay cause you're only human
You're so afraid of what people might say
But that's okay you'll soon get strong enough
You're so afraid of what people might say
But that's okay cause you're only human
You're so afraid of what people might say
You're going to break
So please don't do it

You wanna spread your wings but you're not sure
Don't wanna leave your comforts
Wanna find a cure
We're afraid of who we see in the mirror
We wanna let go but it feels too pure
Who wants to be alone in this world
You look around and all you see is hurt
But the light it always finds us
If we move with a little trust

A diamond don't define what shine is
I don't need a Rolex to know what the time is
You got your let me find what mine is
I'm a survivor look how strong my mind is
I stand on my own it's all me
Regardless of whatever they call me

425 days

I sort of rush through life, doing things that make me happy, doing things that make other people happy, and I don't always think about what it is that I really, truly want. In ten days, I'll be entering the last year of my twenties. In ten days, I'll be only 365 days away from the big three. three zero yo!

As I settled down to review the 28 Things to Do Before I Turn 29 list, I was flooded with a rush of warm memories from the past 12 months. So much has happened ,it's been one of those "dramatic" years and I feel content with where I am in my life with an amazing parent,friends and career. I have a lot to be proud of and a lot to be excited for. Of course the most saddest part this year was another heart broken episode.Tough times are a part of life. We all go through it. Every day I feel myself is accepting the fact that I can't rely my happiness with only love-relationship.

Life is unpredictable. It's not easy to remember this when dealing with a crisis or heartbreak, but it's so important to remember that life is what it is. Some things are out of our control and we just have to realize that someday the reason for what happens will be explained. I do my best to learn from every mistake, every bad situation, and all of these little lessons have added up to make me the person I am right now. Emotional wounds always heal with time.