Don't lose hope

Whether I am writing a short story about my life, sum up of what i am doing couple of weeks ago,a short note in my notebook, a research paper, a blog post, I am always writing something. My fingers are always on the move, finding the keys quickly on the keyboard and sending messages from my mind to my hands to the screen. I love writing. I write that with a fierceness that I cannot accurately describe although sometimes i screwed up my grammar. For me, writing is a way of life and writing is really an amazing thing. Think about it. How many times have you written or read something that has changed you, even a little bit? I have so many memories of moments when reading and writing changed me. I remember myself having my own diary when I was 13, writing about people around me, my feelings and list of my crush.

Writing helps me a lot to keep moving forward. Because it helps me be positive and it helps me stay present. I'll admit that, in the past, writing hasn't been the most positive thing for me. Some of the stories I've written are downright  depressing and I know that I've torturing myself for long time.  Approaching into 2015, I told myself, this is the year to be less negative and heads up for a better year. I’ve been giving some serious thought to how I transformed my outlook from negative-focused to positive-focused this year. Though I have to admit that there are many, many factors involved in my personal development to be positive besides my support system - friends and family, I believed God has given a full strength to go through this year without thinking too much on unnecessary things such as fate.

As a negative person, I tended to attract negative people. When I decided to make the change to live a more positive life, I had to rid my life of all of the negative people in it. This, as you can imagine, wasn’t easy. Getting rid of people hurts  even when you know they aren’t good for you or your current lifestyle. Not only that, I have to get rid of the negative people and negative things too. I had to stop doing certain things that were causing negativity in my life. I had to take a step back and examine which behaviors were good for me and which were not.

 I learned to focus on the positive things and never lose hope in finding my happiness in whatever I embarking on and do. InsyaAllah. One thing I realized, when I write about the past/future, I release parts of myself onto the page and/or screen and I free up my mind to focus on the present. There is something about writing that allows for a letting go once the words become a reality. Let go of negative and focus on what is on the plate now...

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Great Year !

As much as I'm not thrilled to be thirty this year, I'm pretty excited to look back on the past year and reflect on what an amazing, positive experience it was. 2014 has been a surprised year for me. Too many surprises happening in 365 days. It has been almost a year since I decided to give up on my mini dresses and looks. My transformation was my biggest achievement thus far and Allah has given me the strength to move on to another level without regretting it.Every day I'm learning more and more about the person I am and the person I want to be.

One of the reasons it was so awesome is because I learned so much about life. Every year I learn more and more and, in my opinion, that's one of the best highs life has to offer. Looking back and realizing just how far I have came to reach the point that life is too short to waste it. You wouldn't know when your time is up and all the beautiful things in this world are temporary. 

So much has happened over the past twelve months. So much has changed, but, in many ways, so much of the good in my life has remained. The past year has taught me a great deal about myself and about people around me. Looking back on the year I realized what an amazing 365 days it really was. It's been a whirlwind of a year,

I fall in love, I broke up, I changed my job, I met new friends and befriends and I shop a lot than year before last year. Ahem;p

  No matter what I've been through in 2014, I've had some good days and some bad days. When I first starting thinking about my love life, the word "break-up" started flashing in my mind like a big neon sign. I must admit, some of those days were horrendous. Some of those days were the worst days I've ever had. But those days was my past. I remember myself still lingering over my relationships I had, all those grudge I had for long time and I started to realize this won't take me elsewhere.I won't say that my year as a twenty-nine year old was total failure as most of relationships I entered after my bad break up in 2011 was failed, but it was a lesson for me to be even a better person.

How things have changed since then. When I handed my resignation letter after obtaining an offer from Islamic bank sometime in June. It was the hardest part in my entire career to explain to my bosses. I remember crying in the toilet thinking " is this the right thing to do" when I know I am surrounded by good people and I believed I have bright future in Affin Bank. But after my istiqarah, I came to the point that change is good for myself. Alhamdulillah, I am very happy with my new job although clearly I can't get over myself being an RM in Corporate Banking and turning into Market Economic Analyst in Treasury division. My new colleagues and boss are very helpful indeed. Although I feel a bit intimidated when I first entered the dealing room because everyone is so brilliant and exposed more than I do, I started to love what I am doing. From shit-i-don't know- what is US economy has got to do with us, I slowly picked up here and there. There is a new assignment for almost every day, which I found to be really motivating.To be honest, I didn't regret to change my job at all. One of my best decision in 2014. 

 I realized there a lot of things changed in 2014.  I can't help but look to the future of 2015 and have hope that it's going to be an amazing year.My resolution probably won't be much of a surprise to those of you who have been reading my blog for awhile. To be happy forever , save more to buy more bags ( I ended buying 9 handbags in 2014) and of course to pass my PPKM and SIDC exams this year and get my license as soon as possible! Focus on my career and keep myself fit. I really believe that incorporating something into your life daily helps to reinforce it so find a way to incorporate whatever your resolution is into your daily life somehow. 

Also, I am looking forward for my third umrah trip soon. InsyaAllah. For now, Happy New Year everyone! Let's pray for a better year and to those who have passed away. Al fatihah to my grandaunt Jasmin Abdullah and a friend who closed to me Azyati Ahmad Tamin who passed away in December. May Allah always be with each and everyone of you.