My smiling heart..

“Smile with face, smile with mind, and good energy will come to you and clear away dirty energy. Even smile in your liver.” - Ketut, from Elizabeth Gilbert’s Eat, Pray, Love

See the lights above you glowing

Life can throw us a lot of curveballs and, sadly, too many of us hold ourselves back from doing what we really want to do because we don't believe in ourselves, we don't love ourselves. And that needs to stop now. We all need to let ourselves be amazing , no matter what we're up against. Be happy and learn to let go without any grudge! I believe the more you respect yourself, the more you respect the world around you and the more likely you'll be to live a positive life.For those haters, I'm sharing these five reasons why self-love need to be exercised all the time !!

1. Having respect for yourself leads you to have respect for others^-^

2. Celebrating positive things about you supports a positive attitude about others

3. Taking care of your happiness first leaves your heart open to caring for others

4. Loving yourself makes you a happier, kinder, more positive person

5.Once your happiness is taken care of and you really learn to love yourself, you free up your emotional time and energy to love others and focus on them.

The other side of me and feelings.

For years, I stumbled through life and the fog in my head.  I spent a lot of time looking back to the past and forward to the future while suppressing all of the memories and emotions. The end result was I don't remember a lot from those years and didn't exactly build a life I was very happy living. I lived in fear yet still hoping to live happily.

 Constantly looking back at the past meant the present was filled with pain, loss and confusion. I scared to give disconnected from the true experience of the day because to feel all of that emotion would be overwhelming.

I was too distracted to create the perfect life, career and relationships that would bring me pleasure and a sense of achievement.  I have the fear of loosing.  Always looking ahead to the next bad thing meant I was always trying to see further down the road instead of the path in front of me.I was a constantly dripping puddle of regret, regretted almost everything by allowing myself to be compromising situations where I was hurt badly and be in a relationship with people took advantage of me. 

I know I have to create the future by overcoming what held me tied to a place of pain, grief and fear.. But I am still unsure where I am heading and when is the right time.. Silly as it may sound, sometimes, the quote "go with the flow" doesn't applicable to me at this age. I know everyone goes through challenging times and they end up digging into a hole of negativity that they can't get out of. For many this leads to relentless self-sabotage like myself. Therefore, its the time for a change. 

One Year passed...

I have been fortunate enough to have been given the gift of love and rezeki. One year had passed since the day I join other organisation ( which obviously a bank also) and to do something different from what i did previously.To switch from a relationship manager in corporate banking to treasury as market economic analyst was a big step. I have to begin my new career from scratch, cringing in front of pc doing analysis job, publishing economics paper which god knows how hard to cope with it were an amazing experience. Things didn't come easily.. The hurdles of coping and wanting to learn. .I have to keep my mind  open to absorb new things and there were times I slipped when I loose my focus but I survived. 

Happy one-year anniversary to me!

Life is filled with moments in which you feel as if you are standing in a fork in the road, looking down two potential paths, and wondering which way you should go. Sometimes we find ourselves lost, uncertain of which path will lead us home. One thing i learned for the past one year was "if you want to move forward from wherever you've found yourself, you have to take responsibility for your choices and actions".. I must admit there were times when I feel giving up when things didn't sail smoothly. I just want to go back to the things I used to do for the past 4 years. The feeling of " i think i made a wrong decision to do something I am not used to" .

When you find yourself in a situation in which you've made a bad decision and there is no one to blame but you, it can be tempting to feel down on yourself and to start thinking negatively, but DON'T! One thing I found the solution of my misery of being negative and mitigate the feeling was, asking myself, can it be fixed and changed now?  Alhamdulillah.. All you need is willing to understand.The wonderful thing about fixing any problems when comes to work is always be positive and don't give up although you are at slowest pace to catch up. 

The door always open for you to learn although sometimes it feels like a big game of trial and error, and often I don't have any idea what the best choice might be.. Honestly, at this juncture, although my trial will be my ppkm  and sc licenses which still pending to pass, I am happy to walk this far and expanding my knowledge on economics from doing credit for the past 4 years. After all, we bound to make few mistakes in life but most importantly, you know what you are doing and be grateful!

No matter what you've done or what choices you've made, there is always hope for the present moment. The past, unfortunate as it might be sometimes, is gone. . Happy weekend everyone!

Much love,

Rain or shine