moving on

Last week I really found myself looking at the worst in everything. Once I started looking for the bad, it was like a downward spiral. I started seeing the bad things everywhere. Don't make the same mistake I did. While it's going to be pretty much impossible to completely ignore the things that are bothering you (and that's also not very healthy to do), it's important that you don't go around seeking the bad things. It's so easy to find the negative things about a situation when you look for them, so don't. 

I have spent a great deal of time over the last week venting and discussing and overanalyzing and feeling downright stuck in the spot I am in now. I've been more unhappy over the past week than I've been in a long time. But you know why that is? Because I was putting all of my thoughts and effort into one area of my life which is relationship.I always remind myself,go with the flow but I screwed it.

To be perfectly honest, this fear is starting to get on my nerves. I see other people jump in fearlessly, un-fazed by the chill and popping up from under the water refreshed and relaxed. Why can't I do that? Why I can't I just jump in, untethered by my fear of losing a happiness that, before now, I didn't even know I would be scared to lose? I know I'm not the only one up to my ankles in happiness water, scared to submerge my full self, but sometimes I feel very, very frustrated by the way that I hold myself back. And that frustration has built up to the point where I've had enough of it. I'm done holding back. I'm done standing on the edge, scared to jump in. This time I'm not going to be scared of the happiness. I'm going to jump right in and let it soak me to the core.