Like most who have been in love, I know that love is hard work. It starts off easy and carefree until reality sets in and then there you find that there are just two people who are alike in some ways and different in others and who have to find ways to interact with and love one another in spite of their differences. Love is work. But, I've learned, the work you have to do for the one you love shouldn't be a complete drain on you, making you question or wonder if all of the stress and strain is worth it.True love, the real kind that both gets your blood pumping with excitement and has the ability to stand the test of time, comes not alone but hand-in-hand with respect, trust, honesty, and forgiveness.

Through it all, there was one person who could, no matter how low I felt, help me rise above whatever I was facing and encourage me to see the sun peaking its head through the clouds.There was one person who reinforced the idea of positivity and reminded me that I would get through even the toughest of times. 

Until now, I never knew that love could be so liberating and so comforting all at once and it's one of the most miraculous things about falling in, and being in love with him. 

"Happiness is far more than a mood or an emotion; it's it a way of being,
a way of knowing what's right and good, and living true to that."

My kind of perfect

Like every relationship,I have had my good days and my bad day, but one thing I've learned from relationship is how to forgive and move forward. When we've had arguments, we seem to recover from them and move forward, focusing on the present instead of the past. Forgiveness, I've learned, is such an important part of creating a lasting love. No matter how great a relationship, everyone has arguments or difficulties. The trick isn't learning how to avoid such things, but learning how to cope with them when they happen. 

Couple of days ago, I had "the thought" attack on my relationship,I spend countless hours thinking about what could happen in the future, preparing for the worst, I tell myself, just so I'm not disappointed or surprised.. Though I stressed and worried and thought about them (just as if they were really happening!), they never occurred. These "thought attacks" were happening in real life, while these imagined scenarios were only occurring in my mind. 

When I think about it now, it seems so silly to worry and fret about things that have never happened (and probably won't), but I know it's so much easier to say, "Oh, I won't worry about that next time!" than it is to actually not worry when a potentially worrisome situation presents itself. Even though these are my thoughts, sometimes it feels as if they are coming from somewhere else.

As real as our thoughts sometimes feel, they are not reality ; especially those thoughts about what's going to happen in the future. We might feel strongly about what could happen, but we don't know for sure. There's no way of knowing what the future holds. This means that what we're thinking isn't knowledge, we can't predict the future, but merely ideas. And these ideas are driven mostly by our feelings, which can often get carried away especially when facing a stressful situation.

As a result, the first and most important step of defending myself against a thought attack is to do Solat Istiqarah. All my life, I have been scared of praying Istiqarah. I am scared of the result and the possibility of leading me to frustration. Well, after all, only Allah knows best and I believe He will bring what is best and take away what is not the best.Even the worst-case scenario can sometimes lead to something unexpectedly wonderful. 

I am still struggling to come to terms with the fact that my imagined future isn't a reality yet. The best thing is to leave it to Allah and " redha ". In some ways, Istiqarah will give a brief glimpse of our future. InsyaAllah. So the focus of the "doa" is not that which what we are asking for.The focus is what is best in this life and next. At this juncture, I have nothing to share yet except as a woman, we have to work on building that jannah and work on entering that jannah. InsyaAllah.

and He found you...

The right path is sometimes the harder path, the path that makes you push yourself and struggle and become better. The right path isn't the path of least resistance. Sometimes it's the path of most resistance.  Which, I'll be honest, its hard to accept the reality. When you're living the dream,loving people who makes you happy, doing what you love for a living, you think it'll be awesome and effortless, but it's not a straight shot down Easy Street. It's a winding road with bumps and potholes, and there are roadblocks, and most of them, for me, are in the form of internal resistance. 

I am completely lost. 

What it comes down to, I believe, is the idea that we have the choice to own our lives. We can live, going day to day, and let things happen to us or we can choose to live by making things happen to us. Sadly, I've spent a lot of time just letting life happen, accepting what comes my way and assuming that what is is what should be.

It does not have to be this way. I have ,we all have a choice to make choices. Every day I choose to wake up, to get dressed, to go to work. That is my daily story. Maybe I should stop worrying and wondering where and which path to take now..

All Of Me

It's been almost exactly 5 years since I wrote this post.I feel I've struggled in the past and up until now. I was told that the straight path is not easy and requires struggle and sacrifice. What I have come to realize is that the path will always have challenges, tests and trials. 

Having lived so long in a state of unhappiness, I actually have begun to mistrust the happy times, as if they are some deadbeat who will come and leave at whenever it's convenient. When I see happiness coming my way, I tend to look suspiciously at it out of the corner of my eye, wondering just how long it's going to stick around this time.

I've found myself struggling with this a lot lately. I've felt very happy, but it's almost as if I don't want to feel that happy because I'm scared of not always feeling that happy. Like most people, I go through ups and downs ,sad times and happy times , but I find that, while I fully embrace the sad times, wallowing in them for all they're worth, I hesitate when it comes to happiness.

I am always a jumble of thoughts and feelings.I would be scared to lose my current happiness. I know I'm not the only one up to my ankles in happiness water, scared to submerge my full self, but sometimes I feel very, very frustrated by the way that I hold myself back. And that frustration has built up to the point where I've had enough of it. I'm done holding back. I'm done standing on the edge, scared to jump in. 

To be perfectly honest, this fear is starting to get on my nerves.It certainly takes away from my happy feelings. So many things going on now. It took a lot of back-and-forth in my mind, wondering and realizing and rationalizing.It was great to just be happy and not to worry about what it meant or why it was happening or how it might go away..

A reminder to myself

I spent my life running after the creation. I have always been what you might call ‘needy’. I needed friends, I needed people. All the time. And I couldn’t handle letdowns.

But at the heart of what makes us run after the creation, is simply love. The need to give and receive love. This need has been put in us by the Creator. And every need created by God, has been created for a purpose. The need to give and receive love was created as a driver. A driver that pushes us back to God. we began with God, and God wants us to come back to Him in this life—even before we come back to Him in the next. So He puts inside us, drivers intended to bring us back. Intended to bring us back Home.

But our problem is we get lost along the way.

Even happiness itself: The more you run after it, the more it evades you. But if you run to God instead, happiness will run after you. If you run to God instead, the love of people will run after you. If you run to God instead, success will run after you. True success in this life, and the next. If you run to God instead, provision will run after you.

To run to God is a movement of the heart. To run to God is to strive with everything He has given you. Running to God is movement. If you are passive, you are not moving. You are falling. Movement to God, running to God, is to face your heart towards Him in every motion of life. It is to face every goal, every intention, every End towards Him. He becomes the object of your striving. The means of your striving. The ultimate End of your striving. But you keep striving. 

We all want love. From God, and from the creation. We are all running towards something. Ironically, the more we run after the creation, the more the creation runs away from us! As soon as we stop running after the creation, and reorient, as soon as we start running towards God, the creation runs after us. 

Run towards the creation, you lose God and the creation. Run towards God, you gain God *and* the creation..Wallahualam

By Yasmin.

We Both Know ft. Gavin DeGraw

I am only a human

Fatin & Zarul's

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Interbank Futsal 2014

It's been almost exactly 3 months since I decided to change.The entire wardrobe changes. I thought it will be tough for me especially I am still involve in sports and futsal is my number one sports at the mo.I was wrong. It has been smooth sailing journey i took to let go my shorts and yet my schedule still occupy with activities. Last week (1/03), I represented the Bank again (my 3rd year) to participate in the Interbank futsal. Much to my surprise, I scored 2 goals which I never did for the past 3 years. Haha. Funny innit because being a striker, I always missed goals. So here's some pictures I can share , taken by UOB photographer. Well, we didn't manage to go for semi-final but we had great time playing. Atleast we defeated EPF and UOB. Good games girls!

Grateful

"Be thankful for what you have, you will end up having more

If you concentrate on what you don't have, you will never have enough"

Oprah Winfrey

The other day I spent a great deal of time thinking about gratitude after the Bank announced performance bonus all across board. While I was looking up some great sites about gratitude, I came across the quote that's written above and I thought to myself, "Wow, that really is true." I'm sure there are plenty of people that are ungrateful that experience happy moments, but I don't think anyone who is truly, deeply happy is ungrateful. I know money can always buy the happiness. But I think that happiness is something that can take shape in different forms. Sure, ungrateful people can have their moments of bliss or joy when something's going particularly well in their lives, but I don't think they can truly experience what it means to be deep-down happy until they become grateful for what they have in their lives.

Even on the worst day, in the worst mood, if I start thinking about the things I have going for me in my life, all of the things I'm grateful for, I instantly feel uplifted. The trick here is actually getting myself to a place where I'm able to let those grateful thoughts in...Sometimes my mind just isn't in the mood for them! Gratitude always, always, always brings a smile to my face once I can get myself to a place where I've opened my mind to it. I'll admit that sometimes it's not easy. When you're facing a heartbreak or when something terrible happens, gratitude isn't always the first thing to come to mind, but once you can bring yourself back to it, you'll find as I always do  that you are inspired and much, much happier.

These days, I choose to look for the good (which, believe me, isn't always easy!) and I find that I'm a lot happier just because I am grateful for the things around me. Sure, I don't think every situation is perfect, but when I look for the good things in a situation, I find them and I focus on them. I become grateful for them.I always tell myself, " a gift from Allah". Most situations have both good and bad, but I can say with 100% certainty that if you look for the good in them, you will be happier. It takes a lot more effort to be grateful than it does to complain (especially for someone like me, to whom complaining comes naturally!) so I get why a lot of people don't spend more time being grateful. 

Sometimes it's nearly impossible to snap yourself out of whatever negative mindset you're in and focus on the good, but it's always possible. It's always possible to be grateful for the good things.Just as I believe happiness is a choice, I believe gratitude is also a choice. It really is quite simply about choosing to focus on the good things instead of the bad.I can say with all certainty that I've had some pretty shitty things happen to me in my life. I can say with even more certainty that I brought many of these things upon myself.What I do know is that, in my life, they work together to make everything better.