Saturday, 17 March 2012

what a life!

There is much talk about what is happening with my life this week.My flight to Jeddah was cancelled due to stranded visa.We supposed to fly on Tuesday but due to visa, everything was cancelled last min.We got the news on Sunday which 2 days before leaving.I was so frustrated.Can't believed that we can't fly on time.Yet,there's a reason / hikmah behind what's happening.

Walking to work on Monday (which a day before my departure),seeing my bosses and colleagues who're wondering why I am still in the office was really hurtful.I have to explain each of them including my favourite Group Chief Risk Officer (Risk Director),Kasi.Everyone was really supportive and concerned.They consoled me and telling me everything will be okay.Well its true,I received a call from dad saying the reschedule flight will be next Monday 19/03.So yeay.I am so relieved..

On the other hand,the Affin Group (exclude investment bank) had announced bonus for YE 2011.It was such a great news despite the drama during the weekend.Being a corporate banker,what we always look forward is the bonus as a reward of hard work.Although the economy is expected to be sustainable and still there are so many speculations,the bonus we earned for last year's achievement was really good.

For some reasons,I heard there were so many complaints comparing the last year and this year's bonus.As for me,I am so thankful and grateful.Liberation is there for the talking,but there will remain people who do not satisfy for what they have gotten.And,sadly some of my colleagues are planning to hop to another bank.

All I can say,be thankful for what the Group has given.Syukur.This year is so meaningful to me.My hard work paid off.My tears of doing my work till late,being scolded,called by the bosses,cracking my head to solve problems,digging out what's happening with economies,crying doing my sensitivity analysis using messy cash flow,dealing with awful accounts,rushing and chasing operations side to ensure my portfolios issues sorted,crying over the phone telling my mum "I will be late for dinner tonite",urging credit appraiser to get approval (which some appraiser favours me alot),and receiving an unpleasant emails triggering my patience were paid off to be honest.

It's wise to be aware that I am not a perfect person.Without my bosses who want to teach me and never give up on me as a junior associate,I would never reach this stage.I feel appreciated and not the popularity I am looking for,but the experience.At this juncture,my learning curve is still half.I am almost give up with the work I am doing now.My second thought was to switch to become an accountant rather than a banker because I couldn't take the stress and workload I have to go through everyday.Then I realized,I am lucky enough to be in the corporate world.

There is no such thing of giving up in my life after went through lots of things.The sweetness in life is realising the hurt and pain can manifest in inflicting more conflict and pain,or it be turned into something useful,like an outlook on the world.I cannot deny the fact work and personal jumble up in one time.I fall down and stood up again moving forward the reality.Life is tough but God is fair to everyone.

I am blissfully happy with what I have now.Alhamdulillah.I truly think its the greatest gift Allah has given to me so far . My parent's doa were granted as well as wonderful friends who have been my support system since then.I am surrounded by beautiful hearts who saw me falling down,crying and vulnerable thosedays.What more I should ask for?Everything is wonderful.The purpose of life is to stay on task to ensure feelings don't overcome you so you will be happy!

And this brings me to the heart of the matter; LIFE.This whole maturing process in dealing with certain jargon in life has taught me to be positive in any way.Like mum always said ,"you wouldn't enjoy the challenge of life if you don't go through frustration and disappointment".Along the way,I picked up the quote and consoling myself,LIFE IS FAIR.WE LOSE SOME AND WE WIN SOME literally.

On top that,Dad has been sweetest papa,love of my life,apple of my eye and termuah.He bought new Macbook pro as a gift for my achievement.Again,the greatest gift.Of course in return,I have to buy them something since my bonus is out.Hahaha.Thanks Papa (in case u read this),you are amazing.I am expecting a new handbag but you gave me laptop instead which I rarely use.

Anyway,I am in the midst to buy properties which now struggling to fork out my savings for the house.Still considering and funny thing was when I told Mr Stranger about myself buying the house and thinking how much monthly repayment I have to bear,he went "I'll send you nasi goreng to your office in case you running out of cash".Funnnnyyyy you!Mr Stranger and I are still best friend to be frank.We haven't moved to another stage called "relationship".As much as I appreciate the friendship we have now,I must say he has been part of my life now.Regardless what will happen in future,he's one of my best friend which none can replace.

Prior to my departure this Monday,InsyaAllah,I have written him notes for him to read everyday for 14 days.No,I am not being sweet or whatever they call it,I want to occupy his 14 days of without communication fill with laughter as in I am there.I am pretty much sure he will be busy with his golfing activity, guys night out and other things.He has became my chocolate on top of my ice cream all this while which I can't thank him for being my good listener when I am down.Mr Stranger is a plain guy I love to hang out with although sometimes I can be really annoyed with his silly jokes.He is so calm to deal my drama along the way.We might not seeing each other everyday but communication keep us alive.Sometimes I am afraid the sparks in this friendship we are embarking will slowly fade but somehow things have moved smoothly.

What I'm looking forward besides obtaining mabrur umrah is to settle down soon and have beautiful marriage life.I am no longer scared of commitment.It's not that I am desperately to get married to satisfy everyone but I have arrived at one point,marriage is not a burdening.Wedding receptions might costly but what I desired most is to have beautiful and amazing life together to treasure.I wouldn't know whom I am marrying with but all I can say after the email I received from one anonymous saying to have righteous husband and kids to pray for me everyday,I changed my perspective of commitment.

So lovelies,have a brilliant weekend.To dubliners,Happy Paddy's Day.Missing Dublin so much especially the parade for the St Patrick's day.I miss having Butler's Mocha at South William's Street,strolling at the park as well as taking pictures especially around this spring time.The flowers are really beautiful.As for now,please pray for my smooth journey to Jeddah and straight to His house,in Mecca.I am so delighted to become His guest again.