Friday, 26 October 2012

Refuse to give up on what matters most

Well, I've been afraid of changing
Cause I built my life around you
But time makes you bolder
Even children get older
And I'm getting older too

As I crawled into bed last night I pondered these questions. I wondered why I was so deeply disturbed with this situation. If I was so happy now, why was I letting the past get to me? I tossed and turned for a bit, unusually unsettled in my own bed. I wanted answers. I wanted to know why something that happened years and years and years ago could affect me so much right now. I wanted it to stop. I wanted to push my emotions away, but I didn't. I sat with them. I let them be what they were. I tried to be objective about them and remind myself that I feel this way right now and that's okay.I questioned myself,I have my career and amazing family,why must past is still haunting me. 

A lot of people look down on those trying to better their lives. Which I sometimes do.Perhaps it is  fear or just plain ignorance, but for whatever reason, people may judge you for striving to be positive. People may criticize you or attempt to stand in your way. Don't let them. Don't let anyone or anything come between you and living the life you want to be living. Remember that, no matter what, this is your life. If you want to live it positively, don't let anyone or anything stand in your way. 

The only way to go about learning to love yourself is to invest time in it. It might sound silly to some, but finding true love for yourself and really knowing what matters to you is essential for living a positive life. Before you can love anyone or anything else fully, you must first love yourself. I am so grateful,God replaced my sorrow with wonderful things in life.Don't ever think about self-love or soul searching as a waste of time; the time you spend learning to love yourself is incredibly valuable.

 All I have is now. And, the way I see it, I must let the past (especially the bad parts of relationship) take over all our life. So I've worked so hard over the past two years and a half to achieve my dream and juggling with my career.I am not about to let one awkward night of revisiting the past take that away from me. Just recent, when I overheard top management praised my paper work and acknowledge.I was honored.I know, MY hard work pays off.Two month to end 2012 and I'll be welcoming 2013 with open heart.It's one thing that ultimately causes a great deal of being in corporate world.I must thank to my immediate boss who has assisted me throughout the journey of being in the corporate world.The time I've spent to read and think.

I've been thinking a lot to move to other banks next year.It's not that I hate working in my current bank but I need to gain more experience and adapt new environment.I love working in this bank so much not because " everyone knows me" but the knowledge I gain throughout 2 years and a half.I am more confident to emphasize my justification on economies,what industries are exciting and what is not( at least relevant points).

In some ways it feels like it has been the longest month of my life but at the same time,the shortest.If that makes any sense at all.Looking forward for November to arrive with loads of weddings to attend and activities to occupy my time.However,there's no denying on " age is catching up".I believed there's always a good reason I can't get everything I desire.One thing I always remind myself,

DON'T GIVE UP because you only have one life to live.

Selamat Hari Raya Aidil Adha

Sunday, 14 October 2012


You probably already know Kate is SK-II's newest ambassador (she joins Cate Blanchett)

Facial Treatment Essence by SK II

I must admit the past one year of applying it, my skin is more healthy and radiant.The daily use helps a lot to reduce wrinkles. I am more concern on aging skincare since my work requires me to go out on site visit.Three years down the road, I will be 30s and hoping will look the same. Atleast younger than my real one.



think HAPPY,be HAPPY

I know its often mentioned how fast time goes, but seriously...where has this year gone? I can remember so clearly, this time last year when I was chilling and I had nothing to do during the weekend after long days of weekdays, so randomly decided to start blogging again. And it is one of the best decisions I have ever made. Not being dramatic here. It definitely was after having awful heart broken. It has made me really appreciate everything I have around me and everything I am grateful to have in my life, because I am constantly looking for the little things which make me happy. The little things like the smell of rain, lazy sunday mornings, extra chocolately hot mocha, cuddles with your mum, long chats with your dad, hilarious giggle fests at home, catching up with girlfriends,shopping with mum,doing my routine spa, and not least being the busy with good friend's wedding.

Just a few little things that always put a smile on my face every weekend to hide my sorrow.

When I was younger, I didn't realize the difference between happiness and positive thinking.Happiness you don't always have a control but positive thinking do. I was once a negative person and judgmental until I had my heart broken after years of suffering the unjustifiable relationship.To be positive,it is initially a struggle which took me a while.A lot has changed for me especially over the past one year and it's made me see the positive thinking is a learning process.

Through reading on happiness and taking a more proactive interest in personal development, i started to realize that positive thinking could, in fact,be learned.Happiness, at least half of it, is made by positive thinking.In an attempt to be positive at some point, I managed to practically apply it on my day to day job.When I faced a difficulties doing my work,my initial thoughts were no longer to give up although sometimes I do.Instead,I looked for the good in the bad.

Changing the default setting from negative to positive doesn't happen overnight.It,like any skill you aren't innately blessed with,takes some time to master.I still have to work on it,to constantly sharpen my skill. Practicing positive thinking is the only way to make almost effortless part of your life.

p/s : I was forced to write this week by my corp finance dude, Firdaus. So dude, this is for you! Be happy always and you owe me juice for making me writing after long tiring weekend.


Sunday, 7 October 2012


When I fall in love, I fall hard. When I read something wonderful, powerful, or moving, I want to scribble hearts all over my notebook like a little school girl and jot it down in my blog.It's not easy to live in the present. I try. I really, really try, but I'm not always there. Sometimes I get sucked back into the past, caught up in thinking about what might have been or what I think should have been. But, as I'm sure you know, it's pointless. You can't go back. You can only be here now. Focusing on the now is what I'm striving to do, and I really believe I can overcome this little hurdle and come out even stronger because of it.

I want to tell everyone about it and spend time writing about what I think about it.I made better choices than I think I have in a long time. I chose not to embrace self-pity and indulgence in my negative emotions. I chose to do positive things, while still remembering to acknowledge my feelings.I remember how awful I portrayed myself when my heart was broken.It was so hard to fix the broken pieces.

I think did this so well. I was letting my past -- which I'd neatly folded and shoved under my bed, hoping it would never be seen again -- infiltrate my present. I was letting who I was impact, to a great extent, who I am now. Of course, the past will always be with us. We cannot undo what has been done. We cannot go back in time and make better choices (but how I wish we could!). All we have is now. And, the way I see it, we cannot let the past (especially the bad parts of it) take over. I've worked so hard over the past 1 year plus  at trying to be a happier, more positive person. I am not about to let one awkward night of revisiting the past take that away from me. I am putting my foot down.

With a little effort, I find myself more and more in the moment. I found myself getting just a little bit better at steering my thoughts back to whatever sense I was supposed to be focusing on. I thought back on the years before, all of the days I'd wasted, and then I thought of last year and how I'd done my best to make every day worthwhile. Sure, they weren't all great days.I have made it through.