Monday, 31 December 2012

Happy New year

With a new year around the corner, it's a great time to reflect on the past and I'm so thankful to have this blog to chronicle our experiences.  It's fun to look back, read old posts, and 
reflect on how far we've come.

Happy New Year!

 safe travels if you are heading elsewhere.

Sunday, 30 December 2012

a year

30 /12/ 2012

It was the perfect sunday afternoon break from walking endlessly around the amazing KL and last Sunday of 2012.

In one sentence, what will be the next episodes of my love life in 2013?

Mistakes happen. To everyone. No matter what you look like, who you are, what you do for a living, you've made mistakes. We all have and they all suck. I look back on some of my mistakes and literally cringe.2012 left me with so many upside down memories.

For a very long time, I was afraid of falling in love again.I remember for a variety of reasons, it can sometimes feel like the hardest thing in the world .Even when the love itself feels so good. I've found that letting love in can actually require me to be brave.I remember telling my ex to stop calling me and his sister which I can't afford to have them around in order for me to survive on my own.

There's something about 2013 that nice, that makes me feel calm and 2013 is going to be a really good one.I thought back on the years before, all of the days I'd wasted, and then I thought of last year and how I'd done my best to make every day worthwhile. Sure, they weren't all great days and they weren't all filled with productive, and positive activities.

Finding what I want in life , something that was much closer than I thought although it took awhile to connect with because life happens when it's meant to happen and love happens because it's meant to be. God knows how tough and suffered I used to be when I prepared myself to be back on track.

To top the question above, 2013 will be :-

Make mistakes, learn from them, laugh about them, and move along.I only have one life to live in.Its inspired me to make this one even better.A better one,insyaAllah.

Monday, 24 December 2012

Merry Christmas

Happiness, freedom, and peace of mind are always attained by giving them without expectation. The only way to raise yourself up is to raise others up – to raise your world up – to raise all of life just a little higher. Joy comes to you when you give it. Happiness becomes yours when you live it. Everything you need you are already capable of being. So smile from the heart and fulfill the destiny that is yours in this priceless moment.

Life is wonderful,therefore,embrace the beautiful life.

Merry Christmas.


Saturday, 22 December 2012

Being true to who you are means saying what you think, doing what you love to do, and being with the people who inspire and uplift you. Of course, that doesn't mean you should always do what you want and say what you want. Sometimes being true to who you are means putting other people first. Sometimes it means keeping your mouth shut when you have something to say. But most of the time it means not being afraid to do what you want and say what you have to say. Most of the time it means knowing what you think -- and not being afraid to show it or say it. 

Needless to say,the past five days have brought a mixture of emotions for most people.Moving into the holidays,everyone is taking leave until end of the year,the 21.12.2012 world end, has set different tone to this Christmas and New Year.Being a corporate banker,end of the year is the time to settle down and have some "datins" moment when the target has achieved.Believe me,nobody hate the idea of staying while everyone goes on year end leave.As for me,I fancy to stay rather than take leave since the traffic is not horror as it is.KL is smooth as it is.I can reach office before 7.30 am and have my daily coffee until the office hours starts.

We all know this is generally much easier said than done,which is to love yourself.Sometimes it can be very, very difficult to believe that you are worth loving. Sometimes it can be damn near impossible to believe that you are valuable.I'll spell it out for you here: my attempt from the entry hope has failed. I have taken 1st step to ask and didn't get through it.At the moment,not every desire should be indulged it.After all, it's pretty hard to live in the moment and love the moment you're living in if you don't love yourself.

As I was writing this post,I swear,its really frustrating to accept the answers I obtained.I have ignored my instincts or avoiding my gut reaction when I was about to ask.Whatever it is,I have to gear up and move forward.No one but me can take the 1st step to love myself more.Ultimately,its up to me to decide what is the best.Sometimes,I find myself in a tough spot and unhappy with my life.It can be pretty rotten.Therefore,whatever happened now and in the past,its a wake up call and behind it,there's always a reason.Allah is testing me and I ought to stay stronger.

Things that really matter to me is myself.To love myself.I can't wait any longer .The more we turn our attention towards ourselves,towards the act of loving ourselves,the more likely we will be to ask for more from life and for ever,evert settle for less than we deserve.I can't blame anyone but its my intention to ensure if its IN,then I shall remain faithful and its OUT,its time to walk away.

There are things about me I used to be which I always give second chance and reason to stay.But this time round,I have to make precise decision not just to satisfy my parents or any other parties,I think its the time for me to settle down and move ahead to another phase.I have to believe that myself is worthy of love.

I hope all of you have a wonderful holiday filled with love,happiness.I will be okay by the time I post new entry.Trust me.xx

Thursday, 20 December 2012

Option left

The more I thought about it, the more I realized that it comes down to one of the things that matters most to me,a relationship.And it reminded me that we can do beautiful things every day. Be nice. Give what you can as much as you afford to do.Happiness can't be travelled to,owned,earned,worn or consumed.It is the sacred experience of every moment with love and gratitude.There is always something to be thankful for and for some reason to love.

Little things in life that means a lot .I found relationship its about learning and absorb all the knowledge you can.I appreciate the lesson I gained throughout my broken heart phase and new relationship I embarking into.The experience is my best teacher.Relationship itself taught me over the course of time.I live it my way with no regrets.Its my choice and actions.Eventually it rewards me.

I never realized my true strength until being strong is the only option left when I had my heart been broken again.Pain doesn't just show up in my life for no reason.Its a wake up call that guides me towards a better future.Its a sign that something needs to change.For as long as there is a dream,there is hope.There is joy in living.

I constantly surround myself with thoughts of what I want to achieve.I let the big thoughts encourage and inspire me to connect with my dream.I know I deserve to live a life that I really want and love.Think little goals and win big success.It takes courage to grow up and turn out to be who I really am today.The braver I become,the stronger than I seems to be.Its often better to be kind than to be right.I don't always need an intelligent mind that speaks,its takes a great deal of strength.

Though I try to remind myself that I'm doing the best I can, I've been struggling to accept the fact my relationship seems not working.I can't bring sunshine to the live of others.I just think I can't anymore.

Saturday, 15 December 2012

Growing up

There's nothing quite like tracking your own life to give you some insight into yourself. Working on "project life" has helped me to see some of the things that are really important to me. It's also helped me to identify some of the areas of my life that I could focus more on.Taking the time to look back over the past week / month / etc. provides me with an unexpected sense of fulfillment.

As you probably know, I strive to live in the present and make the most of the current moment. But that doesn't mean I have forgotten my promise to parents which I have to decide what will 2013 look like.I am growing older day by day.27 years of living,there were ups and down I have to go through by myself .

As an incessant multitasker, any activity that allows me to experience this deep sense of focus is a worthwhile pastime.I love what I am doing now.What matters most to me now,the final decision which will effect the whole entire life.I'm a big proponent of learning to love own self -- and one of the best ways to do this is to get to know myself.Am I ready to move to another phase of life.I am an adult but deep inside me,I am still a baby to my parents and friends.

Monday, 10 December 2012

every moment of the day count

"While love is always present and available to us,
it usually takes two hearts, two minds, and two souls
to find our way there."
Julie Orlov 

I was living a much happier life, making much more positive choices, and adjusting to the notion that I could, in fact, live in the present moment. I was on the road to getting better, living better, and learned from my lesson in my past relationship.There will be times,I lived in my past and so often, I wrote sad things about being in a relationship. Anyone who has been a relationship knows, they aren't all sunshine and rainbows, smiles and happiness. They are hard work sometimes, but I've found that you usually get just about as much as you put into them.

Something that was much closer than I thought but that took awhile to connect with because life happens when it's meant to happen and love happens because it's meant to be.True love, the real kind that both gets your blood pumping with excitement and has the ability to stand the test of time, comes not alone but hand-in-hand with respect, trust, honesty, and forgiveness.

Over the past a year, the absolute greatest lessons love has taught me is that, there is one person who could, no matter how low I felt, help me rise above whatever I was facing and encourage me to see the sun peaking its head through the clouds. There is one person who reinforced the idea of positivity and reminded me that I would get through even the toughest of times.Someone else's existence has impacted my own in such a profound and meaningful way.

So many times, I've been in love and had this feeling, deep in my gut, that something wasn't right. I can remember literally thinking to myself, "I have to get out of this situation." Feeling panicked and trapped is not what love is about. 

One of the most important things to know about love is that the right person for you is the one who makes you better. I'm not the type to willingly admit others have an such a big impact on me, but in this case it's undeniable.Mr Stranger and I have been closed almost a year and half.Every time we hang out with friends,we prefer to be seen a friend.
Both of us seems not admitting that we are more than friends.It is unfortunate that so many great loves end up turning sour, leaving one or both partners disappointed and unhappy. Many people believe that the initial spark they once felt for another will magically return, but that's not realistic.That was the same feeling I had when Mr Stranger and I embarking this relationship.

When I started to expose that I'm in a relationship,the whole world seems asking,who I am with? For whatever reason, we never had our picture together uploaded neither in Facebook nor twitter.I must admit,it was the toughest time of my life to enter new relationship where we were both in completely different places in our lives.Deep down I've always had a feeling that this relationship won't work out.I was still overwhelmed with my past and letting go was so impossible.In fact, I did send him smses and confronted  him,this relationship won't work out.I was very unhappy and told him this is not normal relationship.

However, I've come to believe that the right kind of love makes the give and take obvious. It makes it unthinkable to even consider not giving and getting lots and lots of love. nothing is quite as inspiring as love and someone who loves you and believes in you. The right kind of honest, true love will make you realize you really can do what you want to do with your life, and that you, and only you, have the ability to transform your world.

 I can honestly say I know exactly how he's feeling because nothing feels as good as when he looks at me with love in his eyes. To tell you the truth, this was terrifying for me. I always liked to keep other people at an arm's length and to pull someone close to me was an act I was unfamiliar with.For the past a year of together, we never hold hands,we never say " i love you",we never cuddle in public,we never hold our hands in the cinema when we were cold,we never had all these throughout the relationship goes.I always wonder,does this call a relationship when you only go out on date once a week or casual friends?

 I didn't know what it was. I've been in love before, but with him, it has always been different.Today I just had to tell not only him but all of you,relationship is not about you hold his hand in public and walk together,but the thoughtfulness of being together when you share every single thing happening everyday in your life.Clearly put time and effort into creating the perfect thing for both of you.I can't compare my past relationship which it was completely differ.We both were in matured but in this case,I just feel that expressions of love come in all shapes and sizes.Its the moment of the day count.

Love makes us passionate about life. It’s one of the greatest things we can experience and it’s something that can be very, very hard to define.

Sunday, 2 December 2012

The new ride

This is a particularly hard one for me (and many other people) to master. I find myself playing and replaying things that have happened over and over and over again. Whether it's a conversation I had with someone that didn't go well or a situation that caused months and months of heartache, recalling this incident over and over again does absolutely nothing to change it. I am a firm believer in learning from our mistakes, but there is a line that must be drawn between the analysis needed to learn from a mistake and the obsessive tape-loop of replaying a moment over and over again. However, this does nothing good for me -- or the situation that is over and done with. The only thing to do here is take what I can from the past and move on.

I can't quite remember the face anymore. But the mention of the name would still conjure up a feeling which I can't express.Frankly,I don't feel him anymore. I have moved on with my life,embarking new life which I can't imagine I can be this strong.And of course,people say,life can't go on that way.You can't be madly,passionately in love forever.So that love changes,it morphs.Everybody else perceived me as aloof and strong,but they never knew how you were my one weakness,the love I could never seem to get over.

"Fake it 'til you make it."

Days,weeks,months,years has passed really quick.I am completely broken.Heartbroken.torn apart.destroyed.

To see you with someone who makes you happy and would put a smile on your face and you fulfilling your dreams would give me a sense of unbearable lightness.I was never big enough to fill your shoes and maybe yours were just too big to fit into mine.But every single thing happened,there's always a hidden reason.

Life, isn't paradise. It's not a dream or a fantasy. It's real. And reality can definitely bite.29 DAYS till I make a decision how does 2013 will look like.I have promised mom to come up precisely what is the plan.


Congratulation Fairy love

Fairy & Syed Ali 's SOLEMNIZATION

"Love: a single word, a waspy thing, a word no bigger or longer than an edge. That's what it is: an edge; a razor. It draws up through the center of your life, cutting everything in two. Before and after. The rest of the world falls away on either side."
Lauren Oliver

Happiness is not as hard to come by as I once thought.Dear Fairy, we are so happy for you. You finally met your soul mate,pillow mate,life time mate for the rest of your life.After all,you deserved to be HAPPY.

Love always,
your babe

Embarking a new journey as husband and wife

It couldn't have been a better day to see your beautiful girlfriend got married and starting her new journey as a wife.

Alhamdulillah with one "lafaz", Green and Acap are legally married.

It's the most wonderful time of year.It was hands down, the most amazing day. I am now convinced I need one in my life.A beautiful marriage..

It has been over a week since I delivered a speech on behalf of the friends and Green's family during the reception.The day I was so nervous to say it bit by bit and took me 2 weeks to prepare the 3 mins speech in Bahasa,but I managed to deliver it although some of it I didn't mention.

I've spent so much of my daily day cracking my head on thinking up ways to say this to the lovely newly wed during the wedding reception but I have to make it short and sweet.

Here's a toast to my dear Azireen @ Green,

A successful marriage needs you to fall in love with each other many times and always with the same person.You both will spend entire life,waking up to the same face.Treasure this wonderful journey and remember,this journey is leading you to Jannah. Your task has just begun.Good luck in embarking new journey Mrs Acap.

Congratulation again.xx

Friday, 23 November 2012

Press the button-> HAPPY

I am completely at peace.Took leave today ( the goodness of Friday) and feel myself becoming more and more domestic.I cooked,did my laundry,sort my things and here I am blogging a day before my bff ties the knot tomorrow and another one next week.

Sometimes I owe myself to wake up on weekdays without any hassle to get ready to work and up for non related work agenda and to do list in my mind.Trust me,it brings nothing but sheer bliss and piece of mind..The day when I am having my time.It supposed to be the week when everyone in the office is a little bit distracted by end-of-the year fever.Running up and down,meetings all-day-long,preparing for next year business plan as economy seems slow.

As for me,boss still calling me updating here and there(despite being screwed).Lets keep it calm and another off day on Monday (well,I promised him to be in the office in the morning).Hehe.Being a work-a-holic,its time to chill and be positive in anyway.Just recent,when the Group announced increased in 3rd quarter profit,we were so relieved.Of course the NPL not effecting me since none from my account portfolios involved.I am looking forward to hear great news on the bonus of course.The list goes on and on.

I have spent my time with nice people who are smart,driven and like minded in the office and outside.Life is too short to spend time with people who suck happiness from me.I admire people who make my day little brighter simply by being in it..I truly live in the moment although sometimes I still have my break down moment whenever relationships issues hit me.I have given in all everything to commit,yet,I failed.I stop trying.

I appreciate what I have, in value.Being so grateful for the goodness that is already evident in my life especially job,friends and family brings me a deeper sense of happiness.Mum always reminds me,"You can't get what you desire,but you get what you deserve".It makes sense.The hard time ever being happy in relationship is only part in life.I have to focus and appreciate what I have now.I miss being pampered as a girlfriend and spending time at the mall walking together.But screwwww thattt!!

What often screws us up the most in life is the picture in our head of how its supposed to be.And the reason so many of us give up is because we tend to look at how we still have to go instead of how far we have come.I have experienced the most awful tragedy in my life which took me ages to get over it.The relationships episode I involved were pathetic as much as I hate it so much.I cried a bucket every time it popped into my mind.The moment when I turned to be the most saddest person in the world.

Life is a journey,not a destination.The priceless gift Allah has granted me after He took away my relationship will always be the courage to move on.The courage to smile back and be positive.The opportunity to be on track and ability to laugh and be happy in anyway.Every day,I wake up to think its going to be great day and I must have great attitude.It leads me to great experiences.

The next step now is to press again the button -> happy.Happiness is an option,so choose to be happy.Never let someone else stop you to create your own happiness.

Sunday, 18 November 2012

Oh joy!

I fully believe in surrounding yourself with people who are like-minded, but also who challenge and inspire you to be bigger and better at what you do. To have found that in friends multiple times over is something I am truly so grateful for. well, then, it's meant to be...

Pictures taken during our Housewives Bridal Shower for Green and Hani.


Love the picture below that just make me smile.Walking under the rain together.

Saturday, 17 November 2012


This past days have been awesome week besides intermitent work days ! It's pretty funny seeing the traffic is so clear.
How excited to get up when the sun starts to ever-so-slightly, begin to shine a little bit brighter and drive to work without having panic attack of " shit I'm late"!

 I have been so packed with weddings and engagement as well as BRIDAL SHOWER!

I love to organize the bridal plus baby shower whenever friends are about to celebrate big things in their life.Since I have embarking my HAPPY project,everything is constantly like a peanut.So thankful the fact the girlfriends are all up for the celebration.

With all this excitement over the weddings and engagements, here some pics to share and will upload more once I transfer everything.

(literally all in the gang are married and going to,so only left mary and I),I decided to opt for Housewives theme.

At Amy & Fido's engagement *came late for the event*

Maybe getting too far ahead of myself.hahaha.

Tuesday, 13 November 2012

Greatest Pleasure

When you have been using the same car since 2007, the pleasure of driving your 22nd Birthday gift and spent so much time together through ups and down(especially when the car broke down,tyre went flat), you don't fancy to drive another car. 

But as much as you love the precious gift ( which so many memories) instilled,I must bear car/machineries are depreciating when it grows older.When dad told mum he wanted to change my car,I refused.Of course,I am not the one who pay for the monthly instalment but its just I think my car is still in good condition.


I spent this past weekend at home thinking to consider my parents offer after 3 months.Mum wants to opt for Honda instead of Toyota.I wouldn't mind any car as long I can afford to pay for the fuel since they are paying for monthly instalment.I travel 60km per day to office and my job requires me to go for site visit and meeting.So I am more comfortable to drive fuel-saving car.Mum dragged me to Honda show room last week in PJ which I didn't expect her to be so sweet and in the same time persuade me to change my 5 years old car.

When I first entered the show room,I was literally frustrated to see new Civic model.I didn't fancy the new design.It's not my type at all.I mean, they totally cope the back design similarly to Accord except for the lamp.


And to top it off, there was City model park next to Civic which I was fancy to see new design although some might say it does look like Proton Persona.I just think City is my favourite besides the sporty design ( I can imagine myself like mak cik (aunties) driving Civic).

 I ended up seeing City model, took the short test drive and spent my evening admiring Honda City.Mum was cringe looking at me so into the car than the initial plan to buy me new Honda Civic.She rang dad who was in Kelantan that time.

Mum - "Papa, your daughter wants City instead of Civic.She thinks City suits her better.".

Dad- "Why?I thought we prefer Civic.It's bigger than the VIOS. Can we go for Honda Insight instead?"

Me ( took the phone) - "Pa, I do think City is way suits me than Civic.I don't prefer Insight.I just want the same car like my Vios or else,I don't want to change any car until I afford to buy my own Mini Cooper."

We hung up.

and days later, we booked the City car for real.

I couldn't have imagined spending my last weekend with my-so-many-memories car. Hard to believe the car is out by next week.

It is just around the corner, but I've been thinking, I should have demanded for Mini Cooper ( well both disagreed). Plus the monthly instalment for City is pretty much the same like my old car. Atleast they can save up some $$$$ for my future.*talking about future plan*