Sunday, 29 January 2012

Put trust in Allah

Allah the Almighty said:

"Put your trust in Allah if you are believers indeed."

There's so much going on in my life that I wish I have all the time to share in this entry.In just one month and 15 days,I will be performing umrah .It has been 18 years since I went there.I can't even recalled each of the moment when I was there. Innocent and naive.Perhaps I didn't commit major sins that time.So,my dad has been reminding me to start solat taubat and pray that the journey will sail smoothly.Countless sins I have committed and it scares me alot.

Despite the dramas along the way,I am excited to be there as His guest.MasyaAllah.Everyone is asking me,will I change when I come back? I have no answer for that.I can't give definite answer.Of course,I always want a change.A hijrah for myself and a new beginning of life.I want to improve myself and be complete muslimah.It is beyond my words.

I put trust in Allah.If Allah brings me to it,InsyaAllah He'll get me through it.I remember when He tested me in so many ways.I remember when I failed my papers during the time I did my ACCA.It was my dream to be a Chartered Accountant.I was lost.I couldn't take the failure.I questioned myself,why can't I pass like my other friends.I studied like others did and yet I failed for 6 times.

Then,in less than a month Allah has given me second chance.I decided to quit and decided to do my Bachelor Degree in Accounting and Finance in Dublin.I managed to complete my degree although along the way,there were hiccups,ups and down.He awarded me strong heart and never give up.Finally,I succeed.Besides I am on my way to complete my Chartered Credit Professional.

I cannot deny myself is so ambitious.I always want the best for myself and enter corporate world.It was my dream to be part of Corporate People.I want to wear blazer everyday,attending meetings,meeting big respectable corporate people and think and talk about business and alert with economy.Corporate world has been kind to me.Alhamdulillah,He permits it.I am in the line and climbing up to corporate world to build my career.

But really,nothing in this world is meant to be perfect.He took away my happiness when my longest relationship end in the middle of the road.I fall down.I couldn't think of any solution.I was called by my own boss because I didn't perform.He scolded me and almost give up on me.Yes,I almost jeopardized my dream.In the end,Allah has given me another chance.He made me wake up from my big fall and practically put trust in Him again.He knows what he has given to me to make me learn my lesson.Life learning process and learn to accept qada and qadar.

Life has an interesting way of diverging.I still remember when I went out for coffee with Mr Stranger,he told me,"tawakal" is the best way to lead our life in anyway.It's true.We may know certain things but Allah knows everything than we do.You never know who is your life partner,your destiny as well as when exactly you will die.He knows everything.Therefore,I accept the changes and adapt.

On the other hand, I am intending to travel again this year besides planning to move abroad.I hang on first about moving outside of the world thinking my responsibility towards my parents.Being the only child in the family,I take pride of being the only daughter.I have parents to take care of and pay them every single cents they have forked out since I was born.The major broke I can think of was when they sent me with their own savings to Dublin.I wouldn't know how hard to earn money until I start my job although at the moment,I have no obligation to pay my own car,yet the money is flowing like a water.

Thosedays,I can easily asked money from my parents.I demand a designer handbags,I demand extra pocket money,I demand new car,I demand for lavish life without realizing how hard to earn a pound.I am so selfish.Being the most ungrateful brat in the family I go for quality without thinking how much it cost and forced them to buy for me.Then I realized,not all the things in this world you can get it.It requires to work hard and I am proud of myself not asking money unless I am broke after major shopping.

I suppose travelling requires lots of cash.In April,I will be going to Bali with the girlfriends.Then might be going for Euro Trip with my colleagues.To be frank,I am looking forward for Euro Trip.Few places in the plan such as touring the whole Italy, Paris and Spain are the most exciting plan.I have to start savings for the trip and hoping my upcoming bonus might cover half of it.InsyaAllah.

What is happening with Mr Stranger?He is still here with me as my best friend.For surely,what's happening in my life is not a random and every sequence has a purpose.Are we in a relationship?No we are not.We are embarking a friendship.I have stopped myself to question where are we heading to since its too early to come to another stage.It's hard to strive for the best because Allah has his plan for us.

If I could reverse the time,I will opt not to be in a relationship for longest time so I won't hurt myself.The obstacles I have gone through taught me a lesson for not loving someone more than anything else in this world and give in too much.It hurts so much when it went wrong.

It is amazing everyday talking to him and having him around as my best listener (besides your own mother),I am blessed.Along the way,I can be really fragile and sulk a lot.Mr Stranger is so calm to bear with me who is most of the time a drama queen.He's so alert when my tone and my bbm seems differ from any other day.He will questioning me "Merajuk ke"?In the end,my merajuk mood turned off.He and his face expression,he and his lems attitude.How can I not enjoying my time with him? A man who understands me.

I must admit "Life is full of surprises".There is one turning point when we decided to back to basic.The basic is to have faith in Allah.Put trust in Him.He never say NO to whatever you pray for.Its either He permits it or He hang it there and later He will grant the wish.He will certainly replace for whatever He has taken away from you.By all means,NEVER GIVE UP to pray.Once Mum told me,"NEVER STOP the DOA because you wouldn't know at that juncture,Allah is granting everyone's wishes at one go".

Tuesday, 24 January 2012

Every little step I took without looking back
To mend the broken pieces
To have faith on myself
To slowly digest and adapt
To swallow the pain
To get over it and live as if I will die tomorrow
It was just an awful dream I've ever had

You have no idea what does it takes to go through all these phase
You have no idea what does it takes to live everyday without reminiscing the memories
You have no idea how does my heart shattered in the middle of the road

I wish my heart stop beating
I wish my heart stop bleeding
I wish I never know you in my previous life

Unfortunately you die in my previous life
You die with your words and lies
You die with my broken pieces
You die with my love notes

Happy Things

I always love to coordinate for Bridal Shower and Baby Shower.Happy things are meant to be shared.

Sharing the joy,sharing the love and sharing the happiness.

There are lots of ways to feel HAPPY.

Along the way,there are hiccups to achieve happy things.All you have to do is enjoying the moment because every little thing means a lot.

"Live as if you were to die tomorrow.Learn as if you were to live forever"- Gandhi

Sunday, 15 January 2012

I remember,

That akward moment when I first met you,
When I first spoke to you on the phone,
Where everything was so completely akward,
Which I was unsure where are we heading to..

I can't remember ,

When exactly the journey starts,

You were in the different world while I am the other side of the world,
We were stranger,and
I was never used to be happy until you came into the picture.

And so today,

You cheer me up with your laughs,
with your sincerity,
with the names you called me,
with the smiles you gave which brought unbound happiness
I love when I caught you looking at me then you smile and looked away.

We should have met 10 years ago,
So I won't hurt..

Maybe some people are meant to be in love but not meant to be together,
You made me believed there's another beautiful and wonderful rainbow somewhere out there,
To be seen and a boat to sail heading to our destination..

Thank you for being my tai-ti buddy,my coffee mate,mr-reminder,mr-relax ,mr-sarcastic,mr-i don't mind what movie, mr-funny and of course mr-golf is my hobby.

I am blessed.

Saturday, 14 January 2012


Most of the time.we are unhappy because we keep on focusing on negative things and end up we are feeling lousy.Your emotions,whether happiness or anything else can be controlled by what you focus and what meaning you give to things.

As you can see,things don't make you happy.It is your perception and the meaning you give to those "things"that make you happy.Making yourself happy is easy.One easy rule you can set up for yourself is "If I am able to wake up in the morning,I will be happy".

I have arrived to one phase where everything was miserable and I don't feel happy with what I have to go through everyday.I was so vulnerable.I started to question myself,why can't I be happy?Why can't I live like other people.Why do I have to experience all these where I supposed to be happy all my life.I almost jeopardized my career and I almost questioned Allah,why Me??What is the purpose of life?Why my perfect love went wrong?

My twitter status were full with sadness and emotions.Everyone was keep on asking why am I torturing myself with unhappy status and reminiscing the bad memories I have gone through.Why can't I LOVE MYSELF more?

Eventually,I woke up from my battle.I can't surrender my life just because I lost in the battle in my previous relationship.Why can't I get over it because relationship is only part of happiness.
Instead of trying to acquire things and achieve goals in order to be happy.why don't I be happy while pursuing my goals?In other words,don't seek for happiness,it will happily seek you.So I swallowed all the pains even its hurtful.

Knowing how much I am worth of, and to be happy is simply by letting go all of my past is the best way to do.I managed to swallow it.I managed to more focus what I have and be grateful for it. Everyday I am trying to fix my emotions,adapt the reality and love myself more than anything else.After all,isn't the purpose of life is to be happy?

I am HAPPY the fact I have grown up and matured enough to deal this.Thank you Mr Stranger for making me happy everyday with all your silly jokes.We should have met 10 years ago.You are fun and funny to be with..I am enjoying time of my life and happy again.Thanks awak.

Happiness is on its way,

Cherish the moment :-

Monday, 9 January 2012

Boat to sail

After a big fall,to be honest I am still battling to wake up.

The pains I had,still unbearable.I can easily break down till the whole body immune system shut down.I threw out,bad fever and headache.I took an mc which totally bad idea but I really need to have my time off to mend my broken heart.Having said that,I went to see my doctor asking for medicine.As she wrote list of medicines I have to consume for whole week,she told me to recite Yassin and repeat verses 58 : "Peace: a word from a Merciful Lord." to make myself more peaceful and calm.Amazing.It's really meaningful to have little guidance besides praying to Allah SWT to bestow me strong heart.A doctor is a life saver.

Moving on.

Mr Stranger and I have been going out numbers of time since we have been introduced.A friend I must say.A good friend indeed.A guy who changed my life tremendously and wakes me from my big fall .A friend who listens to my problems, a brother who makes an effort to call me everyday to ensure I am okay and step forward without looking back at my past.He reminds me to hit the gym everyday,to go on diet and honestly,it feels so great to have a buddy next to you reminding.Although I don't get to see him everyday due to work related and running errands,the best we could do is to ring and making fun of each other.

I have an issues to go out on date frankly speaking.The last time was 8 years ago on a proper date.So most of the time when we plan to go out,his friends will be there to join us.Up till now,I have met most of his RMC boys and other friends.Therefore no akward moments I have seen so far.The funny thing about him,he is so shy.He speaks few sentences while I speak like nobody business.I do the talk while he listens.

There are times when I found it very hard to jive in with another guy.I have made an attempt to blend it and slowly,I get comfortable and acknowledge the existence.Mr Stranger loves golf so much.He spends most of his time playing golf day and night.He speaks on golf while I speak on business which is totally opposite.Mr Stranger and I were in different world before.We never met nor have a connections before.

We don't go out purposely to develop the feelings.We are friends to be frank.Everyday, we tried to complete each other as a friend.I am still fixing my emotions and trying to get rid my past because it was awful.

Somehow,at the very beginning to embark this friendship,I found difficulties. How can a stranger becomes close and creating a conversation?How can I blend with his life?What is the family background looks like?What was his past?What topics shall I speak when we go out?What type of movies he fancy?What will happen next?Are we going to have feelings towards each other in future?Are we going to fall for each other or remain in friends zone?

Eventually,things went well since the very beginning although the friendship is too early to be justified.I symbolize the friendship we hold on as a boat.We ride in the same boat.Both of us are the navy and we are sailing in the same boat heading to our destination.I wouldn't know whether our journey will end at the same destination or not.At the moment,the least we could do is getting to know each other better.InsyaAllah.

A friend will do :)

Something to share with all of you:-

"Be thankful for what we have and create the moments we want to live in.So decide what is the best for you and be content with your life in the current and future.Don't waste your time waiting and build your dream.

Aim for the moon, atleast when u fall,u will fall among the sky......"

Jazzakallah Khair

Hugs and Kisses,

Monday, 2 January 2012


Love Story 2


she engaged.Fairy is also one of my best girlfriends back in Dublin.She was the 1st person I knew when I arrived.My babe,my dearest London travel partner,my bff and list goes on.She has found her soon life partner and yesterday 01/01/12,I was there seeing her being booked as Syed Ali's fiance.After what she has gone through,bittersweet of relationships she had before,she finally engaged.Another phase of life.

Her love stories since I knew her back in 2007 was downhearted more than my experience.I saw her crying,broken hearted,puffy eyes.She is one strong babe.She moves on with her life without looking back.She finds her own happiness and in the end,her love story ended with happy ending.It feels so surreal.The beautiful engagement is so intimate.Us * the whole eire gang*,were there(Serene,Nuar,Amy,Tasha,Azza,Gee,Suria,Mex,Yana & Chadly).Reminds me thosedays,when everyone squeezed into my room.Imagine 7 of us in the room before fairy,serene and nuar going back for good.The room turned out to be upside down with 7 people squeezing in the room,watching movies.Arghh memories*sobs*

So much of dramas I have seen,she is now happily engaged to Syed Ali.This guy to be honest is one of a kind.Cheerful,funny and can blend with anyone.He speaks alot,he makes an effort to mix with us and he takes care of my Fairy in Singapore.Btw,they both working in Singapore.

Congratulation Love birds.Looking forward for the wedding soon.I am here to be part of it.

Love Story 1

Alyani & Dr Azlan

Yes,Els got married.She and Azlan were happily married on 8th December 2011,Thursday.The ceremony was held at Concorde,Shah Alam.Followed by reception on 11th December at the same place.I have been trying to fix my time to write about them but due to some errands,I decided to publish it in 2012.

Els and I acquainted in Dublin.She was my good friends back in Dublin.One of the best girlfriends I had in Dublin.There were so many memories we shared.The joy,laughter,sad and she is one of my life saver as well as my miss A-Z designer's brand freak.

Back to the wedding,we were extremely excited (i mean the gang*) for her wedding.Ups and down went to the tailor to ensure our baju kurung tailored.Els is married.Changing her status from Cik Fatimah Alyani Shahirah to Puan Alyani.I couldn't believe she is now a wife to Dr Azlan,a guy whom she met in Dublin.

Their love story is really amazing.How they met,how Azlan chased for her and how he proposed was wonderful.Well,Azlan actually proposed her under the Eiffel Tower and guess what,Els has been telling us thosedays that she wants her future husband to propose her in Paris.Dream comes true?YES.

Els has never been in a relationship all her life until she met Azlan.She and Marina are always in the "single club"for the past 24 years.I was told Azlan spotted Els when she was about to leave Penny's at Dublin 1.From that moment.Azlan has been on and off chasing her.He went straight to see El's parents,determined to tackle her no matter what and never give up.

Azlan determination captured El's heart.Els decided to accept him and within 6 months of together,Els been hitched.Quick isn't it?That's what we called fate.And after a year,they got married in a beautiful ceremony.Els has made a right choice to marry a guy who fall in love with her (LOVE AT THE FIRST SIGHT),who wants to grow old with her and wants to be her companionship forever.

As for us (the gang*),we are incredibly delighted to see her marrying to a trustworthy guy who we strongly believed Azlan won't waste her.During the solemnization,we girls were appointed to be the dulang girls and usher.We ran here and there ensure the event went smoothly.I even tweeted every now and then to keep everyone updated in twitter.

To my dearest Alyani,CONGRATS again newly wed.You both are meant for each other.Good Luck in treasuring new phase of life.Marriage is a new beginning of life which I am sure you both will be amazing parents to the babies.

Your bims Kems will always loves u Els.So marina!