Allah the Almighty said:
"Put your trust in Allah if you are believers indeed."
There's so much going on in my life that I wish I have all the time to share in this entry.In just one month and 15 days,I will be performing umrah .It has been 18 years since I went there.I can't even recalled each of the moment when I was there. Innocent and naive.Perhaps I didn't commit major sins that time.So,my dad has been reminding me to start solat taubat and pray that the journey will sail smoothly.Countless sins I have committed and it scares me alot.
Despite the dramas along the way,I am excited to be there as His guest.MasyaAllah.Everyone is asking me,will I change when I come back? I have no answer for that.I can't give definite answer.Of course,I always want a change.A hijrah for myself and a new beginning of life.I want to improve myself and be complete muslimah.It is beyond my words.
I put trust in Allah.If Allah brings me to it,InsyaAllah He'll get me through it.I remember when He tested me in so many ways.I remember when I failed my papers during the time I did my ACCA.It was my dream to be a Chartered Accountant.I was lost.I couldn't take the failure.I questioned myself,why can't I pass like my other friends.I studied like others did and yet I failed for 6 times.
Then,in less than a month Allah has given me second chance.I decided to quit and decided to do my Bachelor Degree in Accounting and Finance in Dublin.I managed to complete my degree although along the way,there were hiccups,ups and down.He awarded me strong heart and never give up.Finally,I succeed.Besides I am on my way to complete my Chartered Credit Professional.
I cannot deny myself is so ambitious.I always want the best for myself and enter corporate world.It was my dream to be part of Corporate People.I want to wear blazer everyday,attending meetings,meeting big respectable corporate people and think and talk about business and alert with economy.Corporate world has been kind to me.Alhamdulillah,He permits it.I am in the line and climbing up to corporate world to build my career.
But really,nothing in this world is meant to be perfect.He took away my happiness when my longest relationship end in the middle of the road.I fall down.I couldn't think of any solution.I was called by my own boss because I didn't perform.He scolded me and almost give up on me.Yes,I almost jeopardized my dream.In the end,Allah has given me another chance.He made me wake up from my big fall and practically put trust in Him again.He knows what he has given to me to make me learn my lesson.Life learning process and learn to accept qada and qadar.
Life has an interesting way of diverging.I still remember when I went out for coffee with Mr Stranger,he told me,"tawakal" is the best way to lead our life in anyway.It's true.We may know certain things but Allah knows everything than we do.You never know who is your life partner,your destiny as well as when exactly you will die.He knows everything.Therefore,I accept the changes and adapt.
On the other hand, I am intending to travel again this year besides planning to move abroad.I hang on first about moving outside of the world thinking my responsibility towards my parents.Being the only child in the family,I take pride of being the only daughter.I have parents to take care of and pay them every single cents they have forked out since I was born.The major broke I can think of was when they sent me with their own savings to Dublin.I wouldn't know how hard to earn money until I start my job although at the moment,I have no obligation to pay my own car,yet the money is flowing like a water.
Thosedays,I can easily asked money from my parents.I demand a designer handbags,I demand extra pocket money,I demand new car,I demand for lavish life without realizing how hard to earn a pound.I am so selfish.Being the most ungrateful brat in the family I go for quality without thinking how much it cost and forced them to buy for me.Then I realized,not all the things in this world you can get it.It requires to work hard and I am proud of myself not asking money unless I am broke after major shopping.
I suppose travelling requires lots of cash.In April,I will be going to Bali with the girlfriends.Then might be going for Euro Trip with my colleagues.To be frank,I am looking forward for Euro Trip.Few places in the plan such as touring the whole Italy, Paris and Spain are the most exciting plan.I have to start savings for the trip and hoping my upcoming bonus might cover half of it.InsyaAllah.
What is happening with Mr Stranger?He is still here with me as my best friend.For surely,what's happening in my life is not a random and every sequence has a purpose.Are we in a relationship?No we are not.We are embarking a friendship.I have stopped myself to question where are we heading to since its too early to come to another stage.It's hard to strive for the best because Allah has his plan for us.
If I could reverse the time,I will opt not to be in a relationship for longest time so I won't hurt myself.The obstacles I have gone through taught me a lesson for not loving someone more than anything else in this world and give in too much.It hurts so much when it went wrong.
It is amazing everyday talking to him and having him around as my best listener (besides your own mother),I am blessed.Along the way,I can be really fragile and sulk a lot.Mr Stranger is so calm to bear with me who is most of the time a drama queen.He's so alert when my tone and my bbm seems differ from any other day.He will questioning me "Merajuk ke"?In the end,my merajuk mood turned off.He and his face expression,he and his lems attitude.How can I not enjoying my time with him? A man who understands me.
I must admit "Life is full of surprises".There is one turning point when we decided to back to basic.The basic is to have faith in Allah.Put trust in Him.He never say NO to whatever you pray for.Its either He permits it or He hang it there and later He will grant the wish.He will certainly replace for whatever He has taken away from you.By all means,NEVER GIVE UP to pray.Once Mum told me,"NEVER STOP the DOA because you wouldn't know at that juncture,Allah is granting everyone's wishes at one go".