Saturday, 31 March 2012

Back to reality

Syukur,I am safely arrived.I'll update the journey and share more things soon.No words can justify how wonderful and amazing the journey was.It was perfect and with His blessing,I didn't have any complication during the time I was there.Have a fab weekend lovelies!


Saturday, 17 March 2012

what a life!

There is much talk about what is happening with my life this week.My flight to Jeddah was cancelled due to stranded visa.We supposed to fly on Tuesday but due to visa, everything was cancelled last min.We got the news on Sunday which 2 days before leaving.I was so frustrated.Can't believed that we can't fly on time.Yet,there's a reason / hikmah behind what's happening.

Walking to work on Monday (which a day before my departure),seeing my bosses and colleagues who're wondering why I am still in the office was really hurtful.I have to explain each of them including my favourite Group Chief Risk Officer (Risk Director),Kasi.Everyone was really supportive and concerned.They consoled me and telling me everything will be okay.Well its true,I received a call from dad saying the reschedule flight will be next Monday 19/03.So yeay.I am so relieved..

On the other hand,the Affin Group (exclude investment bank) had announced bonus for YE 2011.It was such a great news despite the drama during the weekend.Being a corporate banker,what we always look forward is the bonus as a reward of hard work.Although the economy is expected to be sustainable and still there are so many speculations,the bonus we earned for last year's achievement was really good.

For some reasons,I heard there were so many complaints comparing the last year and this year's bonus.As for me,I am so thankful and grateful.Liberation is there for the talking,but there will remain people who do not satisfy for what they have gotten.And,sadly some of my colleagues are planning to hop to another bank.

All I can say,be thankful for what the Group has given.Syukur.This year is so meaningful to me.My hard work paid off.My tears of doing my work till late,being scolded,called by the bosses,cracking my head to solve problems,digging out what's happening with economies,crying doing my sensitivity analysis using messy cash flow,dealing with awful accounts,rushing and chasing operations side to ensure my portfolios issues sorted,crying over the phone telling my mum "I will be late for dinner tonite",urging credit appraiser to get approval (which some appraiser favours me alot),and receiving an unpleasant emails triggering my patience were paid off to be honest.

It's wise to be aware that I am not a perfect person.Without my bosses who want to teach me and never give up on me as a junior associate,I would never reach this stage.I feel appreciated and not the popularity I am looking for,but the experience.At this juncture,my learning curve is still half.I am almost give up with the work I am doing now.My second thought was to switch to become an accountant rather than a banker because I couldn't take the stress and workload I have to go through everyday.Then I realized,I am lucky enough to be in the corporate world.

There is no such thing of giving up in my life after went through lots of things.The sweetness in life is realising the hurt and pain can manifest in inflicting more conflict and pain,or it be turned into something useful,like an outlook on the world.I cannot deny the fact work and personal jumble up in one time.I fall down and stood up again moving forward the reality.Life is tough but God is fair to everyone.

I am blissfully happy with what I have now.Alhamdulillah.I truly think its the greatest gift Allah has given to me so far . My parent's doa were granted as well as wonderful friends who have been my support system since then.I am surrounded by beautiful hearts who saw me falling down,crying and vulnerable thosedays.What more I should ask for?Everything is wonderful.The purpose of life is to stay on task to ensure feelings don't overcome you so you will be happy!

And this brings me to the heart of the matter; LIFE.This whole maturing process in dealing with certain jargon in life has taught me to be positive in any way.Like mum always said ,"you wouldn't enjoy the challenge of life if you don't go through frustration and disappointment".Along the way,I picked up the quote and consoling myself,LIFE IS FAIR.WE LOSE SOME AND WE WIN SOME literally.

On top that,Dad has been sweetest papa,love of my life,apple of my eye and termuah.He bought new Macbook pro as a gift for my achievement.Again,the greatest gift.Of course in return,I have to buy them something since my bonus is out.Hahaha.Thanks Papa (in case u read this),you are amazing.I am expecting a new handbag but you gave me laptop instead which I rarely use.

Anyway,I am in the midst to buy properties which now struggling to fork out my savings for the house.Still considering and funny thing was when I told Mr Stranger about myself buying the house and thinking how much monthly repayment I have to bear,he went "I'll send you nasi goreng to your office in case you running out of cash".Funnnnyyyy you!Mr Stranger and I are still best friend to be frank.We haven't moved to another stage called "relationship".As much as I appreciate the friendship we have now,I must say he has been part of my life now.Regardless what will happen in future,he's one of my best friend which none can replace.

Prior to my departure this Monday,InsyaAllah,I have written him notes for him to read everyday for 14 days.No,I am not being sweet or whatever they call it,I want to occupy his 14 days of without communication fill with laughter as in I am there.I am pretty much sure he will be busy with his golfing activity, guys night out and other things.He has became my chocolate on top of my ice cream all this while which I can't thank him for being my good listener when I am down.Mr Stranger is a plain guy I love to hang out with although sometimes I can be really annoyed with his silly jokes.He is so calm to deal my drama along the way.We might not seeing each other everyday but communication keep us alive.Sometimes I am afraid the sparks in this friendship we are embarking will slowly fade but somehow things have moved smoothly.

What I'm looking forward besides obtaining mabrur umrah is to settle down soon and have beautiful marriage life.I am no longer scared of commitment.It's not that I am desperately to get married to satisfy everyone but I have arrived at one point,marriage is not a burdening.Wedding receptions might costly but what I desired most is to have beautiful and amazing life together to treasure.I wouldn't know whom I am marrying with but all I can say after the email I received from one anonymous saying to have righteous husband and kids to pray for me everyday,I changed my perspective of commitment.

So lovelies,have a brilliant weekend.To dubliners,Happy Paddy's Day.Missing Dublin so much especially the parade for the St Patrick's day.I miss having Butler's Mocha at South William's Street,strolling at the park as well as taking pictures especially around this spring time.The flowers are really beautiful.As for now,please pray for my smooth journey to Jeddah and straight to His house,in Mecca.I am so delighted to become His guest again.


Sunday, 4 March 2012

Love : One Day

It is a love story adapting from David Nicholls' writing.I was little bit amazed reading the review and quickly grabbed the heart-wrenching novel from the bookshop.This masterpiece I must say, an incredible story although I am not the big fan of the author.

This book is a love story like no other.It is not similar to "P/S I love you" book I heart most.The author has caused me a teary moment when I started to read it.He gave the glimpse of one or both lives each year on this date starting from 1988.15TH July 1988( a day before my birth date).

The story begins when Emma Morley and Dexter Mayhew who sometimes are together,sometimes they are not spending the night of college graduation together.A complicated relationship practically same like I used to have except spending the night of college graduation.An odd couple,whereby Dexter is an arrogant while Emma is slightly pompous.Both are opposite and yet still together.

Through ups and down,Emma and Dexter are always there for each other.The relationship so deep and complicated but that's what makes this story so real.The notes they both wrote for each other reminds me all the notes I used to write.You win some and you lose some.Love doesn't always have a happy ending.

The book is telling the reader the irony of love life.So in the end,their relationship,love story over when both decided to split.There is no happy ending in their relationship after going through ups and down together.Emma wants a better life and so Dexter.With frustration,both of them taking another step of their life after twenty years.

The good moral value I have obtained from this book is accepting the reality.The future rose up ahead of Emma, a succession of empty days without Dexter when Dexter found someone else to replace her with Alison.What is Emma going to do with her life without Dexter?Emma is really strong woman I must really admit.She began to walk again,experience new things,love and be loved when she had the chance.

That was general theory of moving on.I felt like I am Emma towards the end of reading the book.In Emma's case,she had said good bye to someone she liked,the first boy she had ever cared for and now she has to accept the fact she won't probably never see Dexter again.

I was in Emma situation when I have to say good bye to a person I loved most for entire life.Reality hurts.It was really tough phase to go through thinking how much the memories we had.I found myself really strong when I deleted the pictures we had for a very long time.I forbid myself from connecting from any other of his family members to keep distance away.I shut all the memories as in I never know him from my previous life.

Life is a learning process.But which is which?Letting go the person who you cared so much for whole life was extremely awful but the lesson you learned from the the past make you a wiser person.

You can live your whole life not realising that what you are looking for is right in front of you.One day has its own way to deliver to all readers.One day you are the most happy person and one day you find out that the happiness you had jeopardized.One day you love that person so much and one day you are marrying someone else you never thought you will.

Therefore,I beg all of you to get this book for pleasant reading.Where ever life takes you one day,it has been written for you purposely.I remember telling everyone in my previous entry that I pray both of us will be grand in future.Well I did.I accept the truth that we are no longer together and we will never be together that's for sure.When life takes you to another another place,be sure that is the best for you.

Thousand miles

In exactly a week to go before leaving to perform umrah with the parents.Most of my colleague including our Risk Director and other bosses have been questioning me will I change soon when I come back?Will I take a little step and give up completely to change the whole wardrobe?I am still hesitate to answer.

To be frank,I am excited.There are so many things I would like to doa hoping my wishes will be granted and insyaAllah will never waste the opportunities.Countless sins I have committed,countless things I have done,I am seeking for the blessing and forgiveness.But honestly,I hope to become better person inside out.

What are the preparation I have made so far?I had everything sorted with Mum's assistance and the best part was buying the scarfs.Dad was smiling when I put on my scarf,trying in front of him and telling him "Pa,do i look pretty in this?".He started to make face and annoyed me.Deep inside him, I know he loves when I cover my blonde hair.Haha.

I decided not to roaming my phone this time round.I will keep myself shut from the phone and no internet access during the time I am there.I would like to have time off from any communication from my work and other people including Mr Stranger.He asked me to at least on my bbm but I refused.

I will definitely miss everyone around me for 2 weeks.Leaving thousand miles away as in I am going back to Dublin,time difference,away from my hectic work,away from gym routine,away from congested massive traffic in KL,no calls-bbm-text from Mr Stranger,bosses,friends,I am practically leaving everything behind me.To Mr Stranger,I'll miss the laugh,the sarcasm,the goofy jokes u make to keep me alive and reason to breathe everyday:)

Look forward to update soon I come back.Do keep me in your prayers.My apology to all of you from the bottom of my heart especially to the sisters I love most.May Allah always bless and reward all of you true contentment.InsyaAllah.