Sunday, 29 July 2012

See life through the eyes

We are often reacting to how we feel -- or anticipating how we think somethingwill feel -- rather than contemplating how we actually want it to feel. And, to top it off, we usually only spend time thinking about feelings when it comes to the big things -- life changes, relationships, the year ahead, etc. But what about how we want the little things to feel? The day-to-day things? What about how we want this very moment to feel? 

I decided to delete my previous post which I found it really emotional and confused with my own self.As age catching up and growing older,there are so many things to catch up.Juggling and coping with life changes can be  pretty much pressuring.Often I stood up with my principle "never give up"but I failed to stick with it.Career,relationship,personal problems mixed up and I can't handle it on my own.

Emotions are tricking things and, as much as we really do have control over them, it can be hard to admit to this power we have. Admitting we are in control means we have to be accountable for how we feel, something we don't always want to do. But being accountable for your emotional state -- and choosing it on your own -- is a wonderful, powerful thing. But choosing how you want to feel -- and refusing to let anything (or anyone) stand in your way -- you can create the life you want to be living. 

There's no getting around the fact that every single day won't be lovable. Life is challenging and there are simply going to be days that cannot be labeled "great" -- but that doesn't mean we shouldn't give it our best shot to try to love each and every day. I think it's perfectly okay to realize that not every day will be great -- or even good -- but I don't think it's okay not to at least give every day a chance. I'm not sure about you, but I've definitely had some days that seemed like they would be awful and then transformed into some of the best days I've ever had. Life is unpredictable like that and it's hard to know what's going to happen in a single day. As many of you probably know, a single moment can turn your life around and it only takes a second for day to turn from god-awful to glorious

Many people who aren't already in love want to be. And why is that? If they don't know who they want to be in love with, why would they want to be in love? Because of the way it makes them feel -- and the way it transforms the world around them. Being in love, for many, seems like a destination. So many people want to be in love, but one of the main reasons they want to be in love is because they want to see the world through those rose-colored glasses. 

When I wrote,I am not ready to commit into a relationship,I must admit its all lie.How could I said I am not ready to be in love when everything is perfectly presented to me as it is.He was there to lend his shoulder when I was down,he was there to make me laugh with his annoying jokes and he was there to listen to all my work problem.He's just there.I demand too much attention from him and I only see the flaws rather than what he has done to make me happy as his partner.

Last week I really found myself looking at the worst in everything. Once I started looking for the bad, it was like a downward spiral. I started seeing the bad things everywhere. I sent him an sms  and told him "I GIVE UP and THINGS DIDN'T WORK OUT"  .I completely ignore his feelings and stick to my egoism.Then,I realized,I am full with emotions and I feel a lot worse.I won't change anything by ending a relationship which caused by my own self.What it has got to do with my MBA application,completing CCP,never ending work load and future plan?

It does not have to be this way. I have -- we all have -- a choice to make choices. Every day I choose to wake up, to get dressed, to go to work. That is my daily story. I write it day in and day out and, for the most part, don't think about revisions or edits or plot twists.I choose to multitasking.Everything at one go which it supposed to be balance.Career and relationship.

Eventually,I realized there is almost nothing like looking into the eyes of someone you love so much.So yesterday,when we were in the car heading to Empire for dessert while listening to Lite.FM,he was singing and pointing his hand to me,I was extremely touched.I almost jeopardize my own happiness just because I'm confused with my feelings.

Love makes the world seem brighter.As we were talking to each other like,I rewrite my current thoughts and feelings. The past is gone. The time is now. It's hard when things are going wrong in one area of life to want to focus on anything else.I shouldn't end the thing we had and time we have taken to develop the feelings.And I choose to remain faithful to this relationship.I shouldn't let my ego and past haunting me for entire life.There's no point of dwelling and comparing my current relationship and my past. Therefore,I'm going to do the best I can do make the most of the moments I have.

I've learned that, when it comes to love, you can find yourself doing absolutely nothing and realize that you're having the most amazing time together.I know,Love requires hard work but it shouldn't drain myself.For the past 10 months of getting to know each other,his presence alone is enough to brighten my day and every single kind thing he does for me makes me happier and happier.  

To see that every bit of love, every drop of love you sprinkle down on the lives of others, has an impact.I believed,this time round,I am not confused with my feelings.I am incredibly fortunate to have someone who loves me so much and make me happy.

Tuesday, 17 July 2012

July 16

Officially 27 years old on Monday..

Morning starts with lovely surprise on my birthday.I received 2 beautiful flowers from good friends of mine Afeez and Fathil Snelling.I can't stop smiling and I was extremely happy to be surprised that way.I didn't see its coming.Thanks a mil dudes.

Then usual lunch with the blondes at Fridays.They made a sweet surprised which I couldn't ask for more.Loving the bunch girls much.Thank you girls.I am so overwhelmed to be honest.Didn't expect the suprised :)

Around 4.30pm when I was on the phone,another surprised came in.My hardworking,passionate and loud colleagues came in with a cake.My boss was standing behind me and didn't realize they were waiting for me to finish the call.Thanks corporate banker!

I thought there will be no more surprise.So,Mr Stranger took me out for a dins.In fact,he was telling me that there will be no surprise.Had an amazing dinner at Daily Grind, Bangsar Village and he brought me for a comfy Gold Class movie in Midvalley after.I slept throughout the movie .Auww sorry awak, I am stuffed with loads of food consumed since morning.

Anyway,he bought me cuppies and cute cards.I was really touched reading the card.The thoughts that counts.Knowing him who sometimes can be really slow and blur,I didn't expect the sweet efforts he has putting in to make me happy on my birthday.Everything was perfect.

Bisou cupcakes which dad has stolen this morning.


Dear Mr Stranger,

Thank you for an amazing dinner.It was quite awkward going out only two of us around without the guys.I have had fab time with you.Thank you for the card which you took an hour to find the perfect one.It's perfect.Sorry the fact I slept in the cinema.It was too cosy for me.Please don't waste on gold class ticket which you should treat me a dress instead.Lol.You have made my birthday night as wonderful as it is.

It is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye. ~Antoine de Saint-Exupery


The growing,emotional,drama queen and grumpy birthday girl.

Sunday, 15 July 2012


It was shocking news for us the whole family when we received call on Saturday around 1.30am.Tok has passed away peacefully on 14th July 2012,2 days before my birthday.I had to wake mum and dad around 1.40am when I received the call from my uncle.It felt surreal.I am still absorbing the fact I am no longer have a granny for whole entire life.

Life is too short to simplify.I remember she told me to at least find a life partner and settle down this year.She scared she won't be able to attend my wedding.All her dreams to see me with beautiful dresses jeopardized.My replied when she asked me that time was " you sure can make it tok.I would love you to wear my color".

Being the first granddaughter in the family,the one who always argued with her,the one she thanked when I gave her an angpau for my first salary and bonus, the one who always made a request for me to bake kuih bakar for her,the one who compliment how beautiful I am despite I always against her and also the one I told her all about my relationships.She was a wonderful woman in my life.

Without her,I can't even call Mama as my mum.She had raised Mum and instilled mum with good moral value as wonderful as she was.Tok taught me to bake kuih seri muka which I don't fancy of that traditional dessert.

I know she's at the better place now.Sorry Tok,I can't fulfill your wish but at least you've seen me succeed in my studies and climbing the ladder now.May Allah bless your soul and we will deeply miss you Tok.


Beautiful life after broken heart

To certain extend, I always dwell over my past and this can be really sickening.rehearsing things from past or worrying about future eventually worsens my depression.So I decided to figure out how in the world to make me more happier and living in the guarantee moment.It's okay to date around and have a good view of dating another person 

Some tips to share:-


But if you’re alternating dates with new blokes who seem to have potential with ‘friendly’ tete-a-tetes with your ex-boyfriend, it can be difficult to figure out how you’re feeling. If you're serious about moving on, make things with your ex as unambiguous as possible.


If it’s the first time you’ve been a free agent in a while, now’s the time to experiment: tempting as it may be to try to find a guy who’s a carbon copy of your ex (except, you know, for the bit where he broke your heart), now’s the time to go out of your usual dating zone.


If you feel like you simply don’t know how to behave on a date because the last one you went on was five years ago, don’t hesitate to talk it over with your single friends who have been out there for a while – they’ll be able to advise on what to wear, where to go if he asks you to suggest a place, what the heck he means by that text message.


When you’re used to being with one guy and the way that he thinks and communicates, trying to understand a new bloke (or several new blokes!) can seem completely crazy-making. Yes, there’s often a little bit of game-playing when you’re in the very beginnings of dating someone, but if you vow to be pretty up front, any guy worth a few hours of his time will be inclined to follow your lead. And if you really don’t get him, then don’t waste your time.


When you’re trying to figure out whether the new man in your life is relationship-worthy, it can be tempting to compare the new scenario to the one you were in last time. But if things don’t feel like they’re progressing in a way that you’re familiar – maybe last time it was love at first sight, and this time it’s a slow burn, or even vice versa – don’t panic. You’re older, it’s a different time, it’s a different place, he’s a different person.

So hello happiness,why shall we shut the door?Keep the options open.Life is beautiful out there.New things to explore and experience.I was at that phase where getting over the ex was tough.I had the doubt to date my other half.He was so patience to deal with my drama every time I told him what had gone wrong to my past relationship.Eventually,he's there cheering me up with his sarcasm although i found it really annoying.

and in reality,

One person is there for you to heal the broken pieces and put back the pieces into ONE.

Miracle isn't it?

Sometimes it’ll only take one date to find a new man to share your life with..

Thank you yayang.

Wednesday, 11 July 2012

wordless WEDNESDAY

source :pinterest 



I am having off late emotionally unstable.I cry,I get easily upset and things seems jumble up in one time.There are times I just wish I can get it sorted and moving on to another level of life.I live in denial.Denying things which I am not supposed to.Maybe i should just calm down.Live in the moment and cherish what life has to offer me now.

Isn't the purpose of life is to be happy?

sending love on wednesday.


Saturday, 7 July 2012

Being 27

A week before turning 27.

Bitter sweet journey of 27 years.I am no longer a lil girl,no more teenager,no more a cry baby.Three years more to enter 30s.The ups and down as a lady although there were so many things happening in life.Syukur, Allah has given me amazing parents,friends and family besides my career.I still love my job,colleagues and bosses.

Allah has bestowed me strong heart throughout my broken heart phase and moving on to a better life.Eventually,I woke up from my sorrow and live my life beautifully.Things are not meant to be perfect,sometimes,I still can feel the pain I have to go through thosedays.The time I have wasted and risk I have taken to be in longest relationship ever.

Whole entire life changed.

I remember when my boss seeing me crying and brought me tissue to wipe the tears.I remember when mum told me,"You need to go to place where you'll find inner peace" and she paid my for Umrah trip.I remember Dad woke up every 4am in the morning to pray Tahjud,I remember friends calling me now and then to ensure I'm ok and cheer me up with the laughs.I was lucky enough to have everyone to support me.

Sometimes I complain without even realizing it.I have wonderful life to catch up till my last breathe.Therefore,I fixed it and stepped out from my past.

Entering 27,I wish a happy life ahead and stay positive.I put a new frame of mind.In another 10 years,I would want to be a woman who has everything.Amazing career,beautiful kids,healthy life and home full with love.But of course,I demand collections of designers handbags and shoes.

Just recently my dad knew how to use "whatsapp" application.He was so enthusiastic and been bothering me with his text.

Papa : Hi cik Akma,have you had your breakfast?

Me: I had.So papa,who taught you all these.You can call me instead of messaging me.

Papa : Oh my colleague taught me.

Me : Omg,anyway,Can I have YSL clutch for my birthday.A handbag preferably for 27th birthday.

Papa : Murah (cheap) can?


I went urggghhh.Does this mean I won't be getting new handbag this year?Perhaps he considered MAC book he has given which I rarely use as an advance present.

No.I need a new handbag.Rumours I just got to know last Tuesday from mum, is dad was thinking to buy me a new car.Whaaaaaaaaat?? a car?I think the idea of getting me a new car is not what I demand for.My car is still in good condition.

Till then love.Looking forward to spend 2 weeks before Ramadhan with joy.



TIME : 11a.m to 7 p.m

DATE : 14TH-15TH JULY 2012

Tuesday, 3 July 2012


I have millions things in my mind which both are my need and desire.

The older I get,the more things I want.

At this juncture,

I seriously need a long get away from Malaysia,leaving everything behind for atleast a year and figure out what I want in my life.Unfortunately,I have my career to catch up,I have family to take care of and commitment to commit.

Sometimes I just wish my desk is clear from paper work,my inbox is empty from the emails I have to attend,my brain is only functioning for fun things,I don't have to think of what my future will look like,who I am getting married with,how much I have to spend for car expenses and stop reminiscing my past was.

 Everything seems falling apart.

Summer,Trinity College,Dublin.

Sunday, 1 July 2012

Advance Birthday

Birthday Surprised

I didn't see its coming since our monthly routine of "catching up session" due for July.So last Tuesday,Yana texted to meet up at Bangsar but she picked Cafe Barberra as the venue.I replied "ok" instead of asking why do we have to go there.

Since its LAZY SUNDAY  and my blues starts since morning,I couldn't bother to text them on the session .I didn't properly dressed up,didn't put any lip balm,didn't wash my hair(since I went to salon to wash yesterday),slip into my red flip flop,bun my hair and drove to Bangsar.Likewise,I'm always late.

Soon I reached,saw there's a birthday party going on at Cafe Barberra.Parked my car outside and spotted Marina's car in front of mine.I was like "probably the brother used hers".I texted Reen "where are you girls,there's a party inside".She came out with proper dressed and I asked her "why are you looking so pretty"?She was puzzled and replied back "Oh,normal je".

Then,she brought me inside where there's one entry to a room.



Chadli was singing birthday song behind the door when I entered the room.I was shocked to be honest.My brain was jammed a moment seeing Yana,Marina,Norin,Azie and Hariz in the room.Geeeezzzzzz...*I saw balloons,cupcakes and crown*

I didn't expect they have planned the advance birthday celebration where I looked really sloppy.I should have dressed well atleast and wear my heels.I should have gone to salon to do my hair(i keep on saying it).

My July starts with lovely surprise organized by the girls & partner.I am blessed.No words can justify how touched I was because I always have plans for others especially bridal and baby shower.The last surprised which really touched me was in 2009,celebrating my 24th Birthday.

To be frank,you girls have made my July as pretty as it is.All I can say,everyone played a big role in organizing the last min party for me.They even made a joke by saying its birthday cum bridal shower.Haha.LAME.It's a long way to go.I definitely demand a beautiful bridal shower that time : D

I am blessed

Thank you very much dearest friends although I looked really ugly in the picture.One of the things I loved is the cupcakes they brought today.Instead of 27,they picked 72 and of course the design.I don't want to grow old and all I am asking for is to stay as young as I wish.

I couldn't ask for more.Wonderful family and friends.Alhamdulillah.Syukran Ya Allah for the blessings and grant my doa to have amazing people around me.


Myself who's turning 27 soon:)

1st July

It always seems impossible until it is done.