Friday, 25 December 2009

Not so white christmas & sleepover

Had sleepover & yucking here and there at my place since the house is empty and dinner for christmas.Now I am stuffed with lots of fat.Haha.Sheeesh.Anyways,Yuyu is arriving tomorrow.Im all excited and well prepared to cry at the airport.Well,let the pictures do the talking will yea?Burp;p

Merry Christmas to all readers.


Tuesday, 22 December 2009

Quick visit

They came to visit Amy.So we had lunch and dinner since they have to catch morning flight.It was confidential visit.I could see Amy's happy face when she met her family members.Now,im officially homesick.I terribly miss everything at homeeeeeeeee..

Sunday, 20 December 2009

6 a.m

Daddyyyy rang me at 5 am while im still having beauty sleep.Sheeesshh,he asked me to ym-ish immediately because few relatives from Singapore came over to pay him a visit.Nothing like unconditional love kan?So I had to wake up and went online.I got to see my not so little cousin Ica after a while.She has grown up and so Fudaili.Hello cousins!Hope to see u more in future.

Here I am blogging while everyone is still snoozing.I took the opportunity to do my laundry since this evening we are expecting guests(Amy's auntie and uncle).I'll post some pictures later tonite.These couple of days,I have to bear the irish weather.Freezing sgt.It was snowing back on wednesday but not as much as UK.hampeh btol.I really hope to celebrate white christmas perhaps it will be my last christmas before heading back to kaaayyy ellll.Everyone is leaving:(

Yesterday,Fairy and I had put on Lush facial mask.blerrrrghhh,mcm tepung gomaaakkkk okay!

Till then lovies.

Saturday, 19 December 2009


Irritating for repeating it,but I feel so annoyed.I extremely felt sorry your english is worst when you are trying to emphasize your feelings.Such a drama queen.I honestly think there are so much things to think about rather than making dramas! Allah s.w.t offers life to be shared with the ones you love and given that opportunity, use it wisely.Remember,life is what you make of it and how you want it to be.We should have welcomed 1st Muharram 1431 Hijrah free from grudge and open a new book.What did u get from bimbo-ish ur self?Grabbing all attention?


Hati yang bersih dan selamat (qalbun salim); iaitu hati orang mukmin yang taat kepada Allah dan RasulNya, benar-benar mengasihi keduaNya, mengutamakan Allah dan Rasul dari segala yang lain dan cita-citanya tidak lain hanya untuk mencapai keredhaan Allah. Hati jenis ini bersih sepenuhnya dari kufur dan syirik dan segala jenis penyakit hati sama ada penyakit syak (ragu-ragu), riyak, ‘ujub, sum’ah, hubbud-dunya (cintakan dunia), hubbun-nafs (cintakan diri), hasad dan sebagainya. Hati inilah yang dikehendaki oleh Allah di mana di akhirat Dia tidak akan menerima melainkan hambanya yang mengadapNya dengan membawa hati jenis ini. Firman Allah;

“(Hari kebangkitan itu) ialah hari yang tidak akan memberi manfaat harta benda dan anak pinak, melainkan orang yang datang mengadap Allah dengan hati yang salim (bersih dan selamat)”. (asy-Syu’arak: 88)

Berkata Imam Hasan al-Basri; “Ubatilah hati kamu kerana Allah hanya mengingini dari hamba-hambaNya hati yang baik dan soleh”. (al-Wafi, Dr. Wahbah az-Zuhaili, hlm. 40).

Dear You,

May Allah always be with you.I had enough of pondering words.Tired of indirectly telling that I found out u read my blog and poured inside the facebook.Its really pathetic tau!Get over it la.

Kindly Regards,


Tuesday, 15 December 2009

Family Man

Papa and I always argued.Yes,we have different kind of thoughts and I am very kiasu.Back in high school,he has been controlled me and hit me because I'm so rebellious and stubborn.He refused to give me a freedom of being teenagers.He dragged me to join Taekwondo,sent me to Abacus class and made my schedule packed with all sort of classes which I hate to the max.At that time,I haven't realised that he wants the best for her only daughter.He made me "mandi" air magazines" i bought,threw my perfumes into the dustbin because I obtained B's and C's in the exam.Sheeesh,papa was so strict.

So really,he has been hard on me during my teenagers and I have to obey him in anyway.But because of his strict-ness,his hard-ness and his contolled-ness,I won't be here and became a human.He made my life now,well at least I didn't turn out to be jerk.These few days,I haven't had chance to speak to him because he was busy attending this and that.

I rang him while he was on his way back home.We had long father-daughter conversation while he was driving.Mama had to hold the phone and made loud speaker.Likewise,he made his LAME-ANNOYING jokes,match made me with his friend's son and remind me not to spend on shopping.We both kept on laughing,yucking here and there and on the other hand,Mama was abandoned by us.Poor Mama.

Papa and I became a good friend since I entered Uitm.We sit together and discuss serious matter.Even if I have financial problem here,I didn't go to Mama instead.I'll send him an email then ring him.Mama always think Papa has spoilt me.Oh well,that's the privileged of being daddy's girl isnt it?Papa has agreed with my decision to go back for good.Yeay!Im so relieved but he gave me only a year probation.Sheeshhh 1 year only okaaay?

I can't wait to be back.Papa wants me to pursue professional exam in UK or Masters in Adelaide after 1 year probation.I prefer to study in Malaysia though!Hahaha.We'll see how it goes after that.I shall doa what's the best for now.I need a good experience in corporate world.Despite all that,I just want to be with my loved ones and friends.Terribly missing everyone:(

Thank you Papa.Adik sayangggg Papa alot and alot.Erggh,can i get extra money for boxing day?*COUGH*

Sunday, 13 December 2009

Endless time

I am absolutely terrible at managing my feelings especially dealing with endless time misery.Hilman and I have gone through ups and down to build up the relationship again.I become fragile at times.Hilman tried his best to comfort me in anyway.Tq yayang.Sheessssh,i probably need a retail therapy.It has been a while since I had my shopping treatment.I have so many things in my head.Boxing day in twooooo weeks time,Yuyu & Kema's visit and new years party. I am still doing very little with my time:(

Anyhowwww,Good Luck to my dearest friends who's battling with professional papers.InsyaAllah,youcandoit.Haha.I haven't registered for my June exam.Eyyyy,can I take other course rather than accounting?Haha.Perhaps,interior design ke?I can be a good consultant though.Imagine,im consulting people how they should decorate and what color they should match with.Cool isnt it?Unfortunately,im bad in drawing.

A little note to whom it may concern,I knew u have been reading my blog and tried to jeopardise everything.Threatening is not the solution.You are growing old woman!Face the real fact in your life.Find your inner strength and keberkatan Allah.Stop bothering.Allah has given such opportunity to treasure life,percaya pada Qada'and Qadar as well as live as muslimah sejati.You are embarassing yourself and honestly think before you do.Atleast think about your mum and dad who brought you to this world.I think I have had enough of pondering words.

Off to bed now lovies ♥

Friday, 11 December 2009


My ding dong gf officially Mrs Iskander today.I was delighted and tears stremming on my face when Isk and Fiza sat on the dais.Then I quickly ended the call because I didn't want all the guest to see me crying.

I woke up at 9am in the morning and put on my kebaya just to get the feelings of being there.We were on the skype for 5 hours.Everyone was there.The family and close friends.Everyone greeted when they saw me on skype even the bride's mother.She told me not to cry during the akad.Sweeettt of u auntie!Fiza's little nephew even held the laptop when Nor was busy sitting next to Fiza.Isk even waved at me on skype.

More pictures dlm facebook okies:)

Of course I wish I was there to celebrate her.Its beyond my words to see my close girlfriend got married to a nice guy,Iskander.Alhamdulillah.

Please take care of my babe Isk.I know u will.I'll pray for your happiness.


7 hours before..,

I left 7 hours before my ding dong,bonzai and not-so-yikes gf changing her status as a wifey.InsyaAllah,ill be on skype at 8 am precisely.I remind myself not to cry because this is not funeral referring to Sabby's quote before her solemnization last week.Oh congrats sabby!I can't wait to share the moment with Nor and Fiza.I rang her few mins ago and she's still on bed.

Me :"are you nervous?"

Fiza:"no,im so sleepy now.."

Me:"i'll c u in few hours..gosh,wake up la bride!"


So I rang Nor while she was on bed too.What on earth they still on bed at 8am.Sheesh.Anak daras nie:)

Nor:"ma,fiza is no longer so sad.pls come back".

:"me eitherrrrrr.can't believe she's getting married in 8 hours from now.I promise tak nangisskype nnt!"

Nor:"ma,pls don't make a will embarrass u because everyone is going to look at u.pls come back."

Me:"im nerrrrrvous.*breath in,breath out*

I better get going now.I have 7 hours to sleep before the *kaypoo* session.

Good luck babe.

Wednesday, 9 December 2009


I cannot resist myself to munch this & that today.From eating crackers,chocos,then pizza and finally Millies cookies Anis bought for me.The bad thing about eating junk food is im putting on weight.Haha.LMAO.

I was supposed to cook for Bun but due to Irish weather,I decided to stay at home instead.Sorry ok Bun.I'll cook my newly found recipe masak lemak cili api later.

Anyways,my bonzai gf Hafizah Nazaruddin is getting married this friday.We gonna on skype during the make up session as well as the solemnization.With the technology we have these days, it’s not hard to be part of her big day although im miles away.Sometimes I feel physically apart from my loved ones sucks big time because i miss the big day.But it doesnt matter.I want to witness my beloved gf changing her status to Mrs Iskander this friday 11/12/09.

Incase you come across this darling,I want u to know I am so happy for u and Isk.Im sorry Im not there to share the joy, all in one package.I definitely going to cry this friday.Remember,u are my choc on top of my ice cream.A friend whom I love so much and keep your red frame u gave to me before i left.Sob sob:(

your dear to the heart gf:)

p/s:Gemoknyerrrrrrrrrr I!

Monday, 7 December 2009

Remain faithful

There's always a good reason of things occured in life.I decided to take 14 days whether to remain faithful or leave it.I left 4 days before i take a step ahead.The past cannot be changed thats for sure but the past remain painful for the next years to come.There are certain things I have to consider before the final decision.Bad and Good memories.I really hope 2010 brings a new beginning of myself.

What has brought to attention is the Truth I have to face.I spent most of the time thinking what is the best for me and of course surrounded by wonderful and supportive friends,they want the best for me.Every time I came across the pictures,my heart skipped a beat.I despised the pictures and cursed it.My only question is how could you?The truth revealed one by one.Allah has shown me.

Having amazing parents,loving friends and family,made me want to retain beautiful life in future because everyone loves me.InsyaAllah.Why should i sacrifice my whole life loving someone who hurt my feelings?Convincing me,this wont happen again is not enough to promise me beautiful life ahead.I had the time of my life loving someone who jeopardised my trust.

I pray to Allah to lead me and give the best petunjuk in life,bestow me a strong heart because I need an extra strength.If we meant for each other,we remain forever and if its not,there will always be another destiny.Leading up to this day,I must say myself is still confused and work things out.I tried to avoid from talking about the past but the pain inside,only God knows.

Im feeling demotivated.In 4 days,anything can happen.The time will tell.InsyaAllah.

Sunday, 6 December 2009


Christmas is around the corner.The Ivy girls organized Cris kindle and every one of us has to find perfect gift to exhange pressie which cost 30 Euro.Today,we had the swapping session.Mas,Syafa,Els cooked the bomb grilled chicken while I baked my traditional kuih bakar as part of the event.

My attempt to fool Bun was the funniest thing ever.During the draw,I *tipu sunat* her kononnyer I have to buy stuff for Els.Dang.Apparently I was late today.Everyone saw me wrapping the gift which was so obviousits for Bun.Hahaha.

Bun:Aldo clutch
Mary:Benefit Make up set
Syafa:Beat Perfume
Mas:Pearl set
Ryn & Safia:Dress
Els:English mirror

and of course I got my warehouse quilted bag,a gift from Els.

Everyone was soooooo delighted with the gift.Wish for christmas came true.Ok,my another wish is to get chanel bag but im still not afford to buy it on my own.tak per la,I had my so-look-alike-quilted-chanel.Sigh**

Christmas is less than 2 weeks.I am expecting 2 of my good friends coming over to pay me a visit all the way from Malaysia.So excited tau!

p/s:Please sedekahkan Al-Fatihah to a friend of mine who loss her mother today.To Tengku Eleanor,my condolence to u and family.Semoga Allah mencucuri rahmat keatas ur mum.Be strong girl.Innalillah.

Monday, 30 November 2009

Baby Rayyan

Everytime I miss my friends,I will go through friends album and laugh at the pictures.Thats the only way when you miss having them around.I extremely miss being around with my loud and kayypoooh bgff Syikin ,Zuzu si Zhafri,Syapha and Mimie.We were the most kaypooh gang back in secondary school.I know some might hate us because we were too loud and we made fun of people*COUGH*.

Recently,Mimi just gave a birth to an adorable lil boy named Abiel Rayyan.As adorable as his name,everyone in the gang was so happy having him as part of us.Jep claimed he is the god father and lil rayyan has to call him babah.Omggg Jep,over tau!I can't wait for another baby in the gang.Syikin,pls take note:)

So Hello Baby Rayyan.Welcome to the world and Congrats Mimi & Bard.I love both of u and the baby too.Glad you both became Mummy & Daddy.InsyaAllah,ill visit you sometimes next year.

Despite baby Rayyan,my baby*blerrrrghhh*,sent me his design.It is a gallery which I havent got any clue what gallery is that.Gosh architecture is soooo unacceptable.I found it very craps.Haha.Sorry syg,too bad im not an art person.

Me:"what the hell is that?"
Hilman:"Its a gallery atas awan"
Me:"what on earth u build the gallery atas awan"
Hilman:"You'll never understand the architecture,its beyond your expectation"

Fine.He dicthed me off.Eyyyyy,susahnya org art nie!Hahaha.

Leading up to this day,I miss him so much.I miss being around with an art student where we talk different language.We will ended asking each other

"You faham ke apa i cakap nie?"

and both nodded as in we understand the issue.


Saturday, 28 November 2009

The end of Nur Kasih

The end of tragedy which really petrified Nur Amina's life.Adam and Nur Amina finally got back together.Im glad the end of Nur Kasih was good.I shall give credits to Khabir Bhatia for doing great job.Nur Kasih has been the main highlight since June and everyone in Dublin inc me looking forward to watch it every Friday.So this is it.Nur Kasih's series ended during the Eid Adha.

I was amazed with Adam's quote.

"Tuhan takkan menduga kita lebih dari ape yang kita mampu tanggung"

The quote is precise.I must agreed with that.It is definite.There will always be a good reason of something or Hikmah.Good things is from Allah.Karma never exist in Islam.There was one time, a friend of mine corrected me when I wrote my status "karma will bite you back".It should be qada' and qadar.and again,Nur Kasih series has left good impact to everyone.Khabir Bhatia has inserted good value in his story.Too much to be elaborated but i learnt something from this series.

Oh,I skipped the solat raya this morn.I woke up around 9 and there goes my eid prayers.I received few calls during the morning and smses for raya all the way fr Msia.Thank you!Luckily I managed to speak to PapaMama after they got back from Melaka since the line was sucks big time.Lol.I think Melaka should upgrade the line though!

Anyways,Serene rang us up for dinner at hers.So I baked her my traditonal fav cake-Kuih Bakar since today's menu was more traditional.Its RAYA kan!Innitially I thought of baking brownies but since I havent tried before, i sticked to my Kuih Bakar.The food was fab-sedap-nak-mati.Besides that.I have made a surprised for Serene and Nuar by wearing hijab to their place.Haha.Serene was asking me,kenapaaa?Haha.Its so akward seeing me with hijab but who knows I might change kan?InsyaAllah soon!

Few Snaps!

Licin kot everything:p


this would be my fav pick,

Fairy & I

Happy Eid Adha muslims.

p/s:no such thing of korban kasih ok.korban la lembu or kambing rather than kasih.haha:p

Sunday, 22 November 2009

3 a.m

Blogging while having coffee next to me and i couldnt sleep for the past few weeks.I havent got time to update here and there.So,this is it.Blogging in the middle of night while everyone is sleeping.


Since Mummy left,I started to feel the emptiness.I spent 24 hours with her for 2 weeks and we had fab time together.Everytime I used my telekung,i still can smell her perfumes.It makes me miss her so much.Sending her to the airport was the awful moment ever.I hate the fact we have to be apart again and i couldnt take it anymore.

Before i begin to write more,my relationship status in facebook has changed.And yes,Im in a relationship with him again and this is for real.I must admit my heart has broken into pieces and to mend my broken heart was the toughest phase in my life.Everyday i would miss his presence even i tried to hide it.

I have gone through rigorous years of deleting him from my life.I tried my best but I failed.To be honest although we ended our relationship,we still keep in touch everyday.Then i realized i can't live without him even i started to mingle around.To this extend,I have hurt so many feelings just because I couldn't get over him.I never intended to hurt anyone.I am truly sorry.

As I tried to reconcile everything a month ago,I figured out astonishing news which shattered me.There's another person in between us.It takes 2 to tango isnt it?Can you imagine myself have to face all this again?I was extremely breakdown and I couldn't stop crying.My condition was unstable and vulnerable everyday.I must say i have no strength to fight the pain.Allah has tested me again.

As pathetic as it may seem,I spent most of the time blaming myself for being idiot.He tried to convinced me and promised everything will be fine but deep inside,I was devastated.I felt betrayed and cheated.Life has its way of teaching me from rights and wrongs but not in this relationship.My door of happiness was shut in the middle of recon.

I was down and couldn't think what's best for us.Things wasn't right.I lost my appetite and couldn't sleep well for the past a month.I pray to Allah to bestow me strength everyday.Mum came at the perfect time when i was down.She was here to calm me down.I was surprised when he actually handed mummy a box of khazanah jewellery box the night before mummy flew to Dublin.A gift for my graduation and an apology.

Things happen for a reason.I opted to take a risk again of investing my life to a person i love most besides mamapapa.I'm filled with so many questions in my head. Have I made the right choice?Eventually,I woke up from my sorrow and ready to start all over again.This would be the last chance i shall give for this relationship.Im leaving the past and open a new book with him as a start.

Something that I will remember forever and will really keep me going is my strength which Allah has awarded me although i was utterly suffered before.I gained my strength.My relationship with him is getting better.Everyday we try to work things out even Long Distance Relationship is sucks big time.All i can rely on is trust and im sure Allah will lead me.I only can pray the best for us,InsyaAllah.I strongly believed,Allah will guide me even he took away my happiness for a while.


Friday, 20 November 2009


I had small argument with papa just now.I'm sorry for making all these nonsence decision which hurt u papa.I never intended to do this.Papa refused to allow me going back for good.He wants me to stay and pursue studies.However,myself wants to go back and work.I want to be a career woman and do part time studies.He thinks the idea of working and studying are ridiculous.I know papa wants the best for me but................,

I seriously want to go back.I miss everything i used to have.

With love,


Wednesday, 18 November 2009

and she left...,

After spending quality time together,Mummy finally left me today.I couldnt hold my feelings.I cried all the way.I still can feel her presence.I miss her already.

Thank you Mama for everything.

so,before she left,we had our ;

last coffee session

as well as last dinner

I miss u Mama:(

Adik loves You.

Sunday, 15 November 2009

Nothing is worth more than this day

Syukur Alhamdulillah.After 2 years of juggling,stressing and crying,I managed to receive my scroll in front of Mum and the rest of guests & graduants although Dad wasnt here to share all these.I wish u were here to share the most anticipated day of my life.

Anyhow,the conferring was held in the evening.I woke up as early at 9 am & went for my makeover at Benefit Debenhams.The make-over was fab.I mean its naturally looks and not over doing it.Lil bit less better.Then heading home and dolled up.I wore my tailor-made kebaya which I really loved the design.

Fairy,Rina,Syira,Bobo,Ayman,Yan,Marina and housemates,were there to celebrate us.Thank you so much lovies!Those who sent me smses,again,Thanks alot.The ceremony was incomplete without Iskandar and Nurudin,thats for sure.They should have been here with us.Unfortunately,both are engaged with work and studies in Malaysia.


The result:)

Mommy and I

Ash & Tasha


I couldnt emphasize what was my feeling when James Browne called upon my name.It was mixed feelings.Sad,Happy and Proud.After all its worth of tears.Back then,i was excited during Uitm's graduation.Tak der rasa nak menangis but this time I almost dropped my tears because I have gone through ups and down throughout my studies path.A new beginning of life.

I would like to thank everyone who has been my support system through out years.Thank you for being there when i need a place to shelter.Besties,u all paling termuah.Im thankful for having wonderful friends who always boost my motivation level,who sent me smses,who called me when i was breaking down,who advised me in anyway,who concerned alot more than they should and who taught me to be strong person.

and also,

I would never done this without my pillar of strength .Thank you PapaMama for all those things.Thank you for the financial assist u have provided,forking out savings for the sake of my future,praying hard for me,rang me everyday to ensure im fine,listened to my studies,relationships and friends problems,remind me to recite quran and doa and not to mention,UNCONDITIONAL love.You both are my reason to live.


Myself.Recent Accounting and Finance graduates:)

Thursday, 12 November 2009

Our bonding:)

Despite being Daddy's girl,I am Mummy's girl as well.Haaa.I had amazing time with Mama in London although its only 3 days trip.We had another bonding,shopping,coffee-ing and heart to heart session in London.Everything was perfect.Undoubtedly,we wish Papa is here too.

Shopping was not the main purpose of going to London because we talked all the way.Non stop.1 and half year stories compiled during the trip.I cried,I laught and I mumbled.Aliaa has been really nice host.We did our pillow talk by the time Mama started to snooz.Haha.

The 1st day,we spent whole day shopping in Bicester.Suprisingly,I managed to control myself but Mama couldnt help herself spending.I begged her to buy me Mulberry small tote but she refused.She said I should buy my dream handbag rather than buying small tote because I had my Gucci last July.Fineeeeeeee:(.So I managed to get shoessssssss and few stuff.Well,I don't really mind as long everything was sponsored.Anyhow,she bought lots for Papa which made me so jealoussssss.Everytime we went into the shop,she'll be like
"Ni cantik for Papa".

We went to oxford street on the 2nd day.Mostly we spent on cousins,aunties and uncles' stuff but what I hate most was Mama bought 6 perfumes for herself.Darn.6 in a row ok.She went mad.She offered me only 1 perfume but I rejected because I really want her to buy me my dream bag.Percubaan kedua,GAGAL.I only got few tops.Mama asked me to be patient because I just got new handbag less than a year.

Being the only child is not the reason to be spoiled.I prefer to ask Papa rather than her because Mama often reminds me,"PATIENCE IS A VIRTUE".So my job was to accompany her buying her stuff throughout our trip.Anyhow,I redha jer because I know Mama will fulfill my dream bag later->In my dream!

We had starbucks everyday and started to talk more and more when we decided to stop for a coffee.Mama has been my bestfriend throughout my 24 years of living.She has became my place to talk everything.The past few weeks I was demoralize.I couldnt stop crying.Mama has played big role as a mother,sister and friend to me.She comforts me all the way to make me stop cying.I can't imagine myself without her and papa to be honest.I have no one except them.

Besides that,we had few dicussion regarding my future.I seriously wanna go home because I can't stand on my feet alone here especially when Im down.Home where I belong and no other place like home.Mama wants me to stay and so Papa.My decision to go back for good wasn't really good idea.I hope she can consider it and pursuade papa to let me go back.Amin.

Anyhow,I have 12 hours before my graduation.I wish Papa is here with us and share the moment he has been waiting for.Poor thing.Today,Papa turned 54 years old alone without us around especially Mama.He is currently battling with exam on his birthday.Good Luck Papa sayangggggggg.Mama and Adik have faith on u.Pls do it for us:)

I shall sleep by now.I have booked makeover's appointment at 9am.Haha.Sooo Good night lovies.Ill update more tomorrow.Ttyl

Sunday, 8 November 2009


Off to London with mumsy!

Friday, 6 November 2009

You are the reason Im smiling now

I love You Ma.

Monday, 2 November 2009

"And when the Quran is recited,then listen to it and remain silent,that mercy may be shown to you"

The past few days,I was vulnerable.I cried the whole week thinking how hard my life turned out.I texted Papa and Mama.I know Mama will be here this friday but I seriously couldn't hold my feelings.Both of them sent me the same smses.

"Pray and recite quran to make you feel better"

So I did.I realised I have been so snobbish to Allah.I have forgotten Him for a while.I have neglected my responsibility as His humble servant.Tasha told me

"You jangan sombong sangat dgn Allah.

Then Aunt Angah texted me Doa for me to recite every morning.

My heart shattered."A Broken promise is a betrayal of trust".I couldn't believe im trapped and drowned again.And again,it left me with another bruised.

Things happened with a good reason.Allah has given me strong heart to go through all this and standing on my feet to get up from my big fall again.

We coloured our own life.Ya Allah,Please guide and lead me to a better future.Amin.

Friday, 30 October 2009

Unconditional Love

I ♥ U Papa.May Allah always be with you and mama.I miss u dearly.



Thursday, 29 October 2009

The Irony of Love Life

Different human being has different kind of love story.As i was talking to Serene on the phone just now,she told me that "serious relationship is like investing yourself into something".You invest everything from the top to toe & your inner.Its not just trading your heart but everything in you.Your future life and family.It feels so much better feeling all these tingly feelings after you’ve fallen in love.

Love life effect your entire self.Some people changed to good things and some may not.It depends how healthy is the relationship.Relationship is built with trust and how you want to make it happen.Both are working towards good things to maintain the relationship.There’s no point being egoistic and cold-hearted, because you could’ve made such a nice memories and if you have to fight for your love,than fight for it.

You never know when you’re going to lose a person. And if you do lose your loved ones one day, at least you’re confident that they went knowing they’re loved, and you’re confident that you did everything you had to do when they were alive. Otherwise, the guilt will haunt you forever, and by then, there’s nothing you can do.

What I have learned from my past,its not easy to fall in love and get into relationship.The relationship I had before was the longest I ever had.We grew up from I-have-no-idea what is love to Yes-I-love-so-much.From adressing I- You to a proper one,from talking about silly things,we talked more on serious matter and the most was introducing to both families,extended to be precised.We shared lots of things and we have planned ahead for our future.

We were young when we were in love.Young love birds are so inmatured.Well thosedays.To be honest,to keep and maintain such a long term relationship is really tough.Its either u ended marrying the same person or you cease the relationship.After all,Allah has good plan for us.If Allah took our happiness in the relationship,He'll direct us to good things in future.I believed in Qada and Qadar.Allah is fair to hambanya.

However,the happiness I had for the years (quite long time) dissolved.One day I was happily in love and the next day I lost him.I didnt mean to blame him for everything but we both made a mistake in our life.It was the hardest part in my life to adapt everything.I didnt manage to adapt and i have gone through vulnerable things in my life.My memories couldnt be erased.

Life required you to adapt and face the real fact upon you.I learned alot from my past and yes,Love is investing your life.Once its broken,it will effect entirely.I have to get up from my big fall and walk as usual.Although its hard,this is life!Whenever you feel like life sucks, think again. Look around and you’ll see something that shines in your life.

Wednesday, 28 October 2009

Articles from Ustaz Ahmad Adnan

Tiada kejayaan tanpa kerja dan usaha. Sejauh mana kerja dan usaha kita, sejauh itulah kejayaan yang bakal kita perolehi. Dalam satu kaedah para ulamak, disebutkan bahawa: “الجزاء من جنس العمل” (Balasan/ganjaran yang diperolehi bergantung kepada usaha/kerja yang setimpal dengannya).

Setiap sesuatu berlaku dengan ketentuan daripada Allah taala. Kenyang dan lapar adalah ketentuan Allah. Begitu juga sakit dan sihat, tenang dan resah, suka dan duka, berjaya dan gagal, susah dan senang, miskin dan kaya, hidup dan mati dan sebagainya; semuanya adalah ketentuan Allah taala. Semua ketentuan ini ada sebab-sebabnya masing-masing. Bersama Musabbabat diciptakan Asbab.

Allah taala mencipta ketentuan-ketentuannya tadi secara berpasangan dan kemudiannya ia memberi peluang kepada manusia untuk memilih/menentukan mana satu ketentuan yang ia suka atau kehendaki dengan berta’amul dengan sebab-sebab yang dicipta bersama-sama dengan semua ketentuan. Seseorang yang ingin menjadi kaya, ia hendaklah melakukan sebab-sebab yang boleh membawa kepada kekayaan. Begitu juga dengan ketentuan yang lainnya.

Manusia boleh mengelak daripada satu ketentuan kepada satu ketentuan yang lain; daripada ketentuan yang baik kepada ketentuan yang buruk atau sebaliknya. Begitu juga manusia boleh menolak satu ketentuan dengan satu ketentuan yang lain. Berkata Imam ibnu Qayyim al Jauzi: “Orang yang benar-benar faqeh (bijaksana) ialah orang yang menolak sesuatu qadar (ketentuan) dengan qadar yang lain, mengangkat satu qadar dengan qadar yang lain dan menentang satu qadar dengan satu qadar yang lain. Bahkan manusia tidak akan berupaya untuk hidup tanpa melakukan tindakan yang sebegini. Ini kerana lapar, dahaga, sejuk dan lain-lain lagi perkara yang ditakuti dan dibimbangi oleh manusia, semuanya adalah tergolong di dalam qadar dan semua makhluk berusaha untuk menolak qadar-qadar ini dengan beralih kepada qadar-qadar yang lain (yang mengembirakan)”.

Kita boleh mengelak daripada qadar (ketentuan) gagal dengan beralih kepada qadar berjaya.Untuk sampai kepada qadar berjaya kita hendaklah berta’amul dengan sebab-sebab kejayaan iaitu usaha dan amal. Seseorang muslim diajar supaya melakukan dua amal (kerja) untuk memastikan kejayaannya:-

1. Amal anggota (الجوارح) iaitu الأخذ بالاسباب (mengambil dan melakukan segala sebab-sebab yang membawa kepada kejayaaan).
2. Amal hati (القلب) iaitu bertawakal kepada Allah dan mengharapkan pertolongannya.
* * * * *

Kita menyedari apa yang sepatutnya dilakukan untuk kejayaan kita tetapi kita tidak melakukannya. Misalnya, ramai di kalangan kita menyedari kepentingan waktu dalam menentukan kejayaan tetapi tidak ramai yang mampu menjaganya. Begitu juga ramai yang tahu perlunya tanzim, tetapi tidak ramai yang mampu menjadikan kehidupannya bertanzim. Kadang-kadang kita merancang atau meletakkan planning untuk melakukannya tetapi kita tidak berupaya memaksa diri untuk mematuhinya. Kenapakah ianya berlaku? Dimanakah silapnya???

Disinilah peri pentingnya “Keupayaan Menguasai Diri”. Orang yang berupaya menguasai dirinya dialah yang akan menempa kejayaan.

Dalam menentukan kejayaan samada dunia maupun akhirat, aset yang paling utama ialah diri kita sendiri (aqal kita, anggota kita, nafsu kita dan lidah kita). Justeru itulah keupayaan menguasai diri menjadi terlalu amat penting. Berkata Syeikh Mohd Al-Ghazali: “Manusia apabila mampu memiliki dirinya dan menguasai waktunya maka ia akan berupaya untuk melakukan banyak perkara tanpa menunggu datangnya dorongan-dorongan dari luar untuk menolongnya mencapai apa yang dicita-citakan. Dengan kekuatan dan kebolehan yang ada padanya, disertakan pula peluang yang diberikan, ia akan mampu untuk membina kehidupannya yang baru”.

As- Syeikh Sya’rawi ketika ditanya tentang rahsia kejayaan, beliau berkata: “Rahsia kejayaan ialah seseorang itu menggunakan aqalnya untuk menentukan cita-citanya. Kemudiannya dengan menggunakan aqal juga ia menggariskan jalan -jalan yang boleh menyampaikannya kepada cita-cita tersebut. Seterusnya ia menjadikan seluruh anggotanya untuk berkhidmat dan bekerja bagi memenuhi cita-citanya dengan melalui jalan-jalan yang digariskan tadi”.

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Diriwayatkan di dalam satu hadis, pada suatu hari Nabi s.a.w. masuk ke dalam masjid baginda dan mendapati seorang sahabat yang dipanggil Abu Umamah r.a. duduk termenung dalam keadaan muram pada ketika sahabat-sahabat yang lainnya bertebaran di muka bumi dengan urusan masing-masing. Lalu Nabi bertanya beliau: “Wahai Abu Umamah! Apakah masalah kamu sehingga menyebabkan kamu masih berada di dalam masjid pada saat ini?”. Abu Umamah menjawab: “Aku dirundung duka dan dibebani hutang-piutang (menyebabkan kepalaku berserabut dan susah hati). Nabi berkata kepadanya: “Mahukah kamu kalau aku ajarkan kepadamu satu doa. Jika kamu membaca doa tersebut pada waktu pagi dan petang nescaya Allah akan menghilangkan segala masalah kamu? Abu Umamah menjawab; “Sudah tentu, ya Rasulullah”. Nabi pun mengajar beliau doa di bawah:

اللهم انى أعوذ بك من الهم واالحزن، وأعوذ بك من العجز والكسل، وأعوذ بك من الجبن والبخل ، وأعوذ بك من غلبة الدين وقهرالرجال

“Ya Allah! Aku berlindung denganMu dari dukacita dan sedih, aku berlindung denganMu dari sifat lemah dan malas, aku berlindung denganMu dari penakut dan kedekut dan aku berlindung denganMu dari konkongan hutang dan dan paksaan orang lain”.
Berkata Abu Umamah: “Aku melakukan seperti mana yang diajar oleh Nabi, maka Allah menghilangkan kedukaanku dan membebaskan aku dari segala hutangku”.

Di dalam doa di atas, Nabi s.a.w. mengajar kita untuk berlindung dengan Allah Ta’ala daripada perkara-perkara yang boleh menggagalkan kita di dalam kehidupan :

1. Perasaan dukacita dan sedih.
2. Rasa sempit dada, malas, pengecut/takut dan bakhil .
3. Tekanan-tekanan daripada luar seperti bebanan hutang, masalah keluarga dan sebagainya.

Manusia kalau hidupnya diselaputi kesedihan dan kedukaan atau merasa sempit dada (العجز) dan malas untuk berfikir dan bekerja (الكسل) atau takut untuk menghadapi realiti (الجبن) dan bakhil untuk mengorbankan apa yang dimiliki untuk mencapai cita-citanya (البخل) nescaya ia tidak akan mampu untuk menghadapi kehidupannya dengan kesungguhan dan keceriaan. Hidup terumbang -ambing dan ia tidak akan berupaya untuk mencipta suatu yang membanggakan di dalam kehidupannya iaitu kejayaan dan kegemilangan .

Begitu juga, sekiranya pemikirannya serabut disebabkan oleh tekanan -tekanan luaran seperti bebanan hutang, masalah keluarga, masalah peribadi dan sebagainya, ia tidak akan berupaya menghadapi sesuatu dengan penuh keyakinan.

Justeru itu semua faktor-faktor kegagalan ini hendaklah kita hindarkan daripada kehidupan kita. Disamping kita berdoa kepada Allah Ta’ala, kita juga hendaklah berusaha untuk membuang sifat-sifat negatif tadi serta menguatkan semangat dan ketahanan diri untuk berhadapan dengan segala masalah dan tekanan yang timbul dalam kehidupan kita.

* * * * *

Dalam saat-saat ini iaitu saat-saat dimana kita mengharapkan kejayaan samada di dalam imtihan atau dalam urusan yang lainnya, sengaja persoalan -persoalan di atas dipaparkan sebagai muhasabah untuk kita bersama agar ia dapat memberi semangat kepada orang yang telah atau sedang berusaha untuk terus berusaha mengejar cita-cita atau kepada mereka yang masih leka dan belum berusaha untuk mula mengorak langkah menuju cita-cita. Kalau kita tidak mula menabur benih, selama-lamanya kita tidak akan dapat menikmati hasilnya.

Kita kadang-kadang mengharapkan kejayaan sedangkan sebab-sebab kejayaan berada jauh daripada kita dan faktor-faktor kegagalan masih lagi melingkungi tubuh kita.Kesimpulannya, kejayaan akan tercipta dengan kita melakukan tiga perkara:

1-Melakukan semua sebab-sebab yang boleh membawa kepada kejayaan.
2-Mampu menguasai diri sendiri.
3-Menghindari serta membuang segala faktor yang membawa kegagalan.

والله المستعان وولي التوفيق


Tuesday, 27 October 2009



Too bad.I still had fever,cough and runny nose.Tired of blowing every min.Pale and my nose is so red.The weather is still freezing outside.Can I fast forward the time?Mama will be here next friday not this friday.I need her special care and i wish Papa is here too next friday.Sheeesshhh.This is the time I miss Papa and Mama's presence when im sick.

Back then,Papa took a good care of me when im sick.He worried too much than mom.He served me with panadol while mom will cooked me porridge.Basically both of them treated me like a princess.Well i received more special treat when im sick.I can demand anything.Even I'll ring my aunt to buy me nuggets only from Mcd when im sick.Everyone starts to worry when I had long extended fever.I usually admitted into hospital.Tragic isn't it?

Papa rang me this morn.He heard my "sengau"voice.He was in hurry because he had world conference today at Shangri-La today until end of this week.He asked me to get all sorts of medicine and makesure im all covered.I shall ring him back by tonite if im still in pain.Sigh.I miss him sgt-sgt.I miss papa sangattt.Words cannot express my feelings now.I really need my family.Everything is so dearest back home.

Nooooo,I need papa so much.I know he will comfort me and mama will always next to him.All i need is THEM.To this extend,can i request to go home?

This song really captured me this morn while checking my inbox.This song is about a guy who convinced a girl who he really loves .As cliche as it sounds, the only thing we can hold on to is trust and love.Frankly,I don't like to promise because i might break it.I believed relationship built with sincere heart.Good things last forever.