Thursday, 11 July 2013

Riding a bicycle

"Never regret.
If it's good,
it's wonderful.
If it's bad,
it's experience."
Victoria Hol

We've all been to that sad and angry place known as regret. We don't like it there but, at some point everyone has been forced to take a trip there after s/he did or said something and then thought, "OMG, why did I do that???We frantically try to think of a way to undo what's been done. If only there were a "delete" button or a "rewind" button, we think desperately. But, alas, there is not. You can never undo what's been done.

Personally, I'm experiencing so many things since my last relationship ended.I broke so many hearts when my door was opened and shut it.I rejected those who are willingly to accept my past and wanted to start all over again.I was struggling to overcome the past and let my past haunted me. I was tormented by it and yet oddly desperate to relive certain moments again and again. Sometimes I'd literally try to get back to the past by returning to the same locations, people, and activities. Logically, I knew the past was gone, but I couldn't stop myself from trying to relive it at times. And much more often than I liked, I found myself ruminating about what could have been had things gone differently.   

Thinking about the past this way makes me long for it. I want things that aren't -- weren't -- even real. Clearly this is a problem for many reasons, but one of the things that bugs me the most is that I cannot control what I think about.  I know this is normal. I know a lot of us have trouble controlling our thoughts, keeping them moving forward in a productive way.

Was i being too choosy and fussy while I know,no one is PERFECT?I wish to click the button DELETE and start all over again.I should have accepted the flaws and finding perfect way to fit in.

Wednesday, 10 July 2013

Happier and Healthier

I remember so many things from my past life. Was I depressed? For the first time, I think I'll actually admit that I was truly in a very deep depression for about 2 years of my life.I never knew what was truly wrong with me. And if I didn't know, I'd never steer the discussion in that direction.

All I knew was that I thought the world was a bad place and I was deeply unhappy with life in general. I thought the only person in the world who was any good was myself. My ego was the size of the Pacific Ocean. I had/have a great deal of natural talent intellectually, and have always done.

But, for whatever reason, two years ago something inside me demanded a change and I started working on living a more stable life.I found my inner peace throughout my journey to lead my life beautifully.If you want to live a truly positive life, you must be surrounded by positive influences. Ask from God.The only way to go about learning to love yourself is to invest time in it.To pray to the almighty.

Once you've rid your life of doing things that make you unhappy, you'll suddenly have a lot more free time on your hands. What to do with that all that free time? Spend it doing things you absolutely love to do. Take a moment to think about the times you are the happiness. What are you doing during those times? It doesn't matter if it's a silly thing or something that other people don't quite get.It is you who decides for yourself.

Happy fasting everyone!Don't forget to hit the gym to sweat in case what you consume food more than usual.Fill your time at night by reciting Quran to earn more blessings.This is the only time to get closer to Him.The way you see your world around is your choice.


Love always.

Saturday, 6 July 2013

Growing old-28-ISH

Looking back, I'm surprised at how much I'm like the person I was back then. Looking around me, I'm startled to see so many remnants of my " broken heart phases".Funny how I wrote the sequence and things who made me today.A person who always have many thoughts in her mind.Being an adult might not be easier for me, but clearly is still a big part of who I am—and I'm pretty sure it always will be. 

As an adult, I now spend my days doing what I love, surrounded by things that make me smile—a loving family, challenging career, a wonderful friends, rows and rows of story books and pink colors things in my room. Adult life is far from perfect.I never thought growing up process takes a lot of courage and strength.So many things to deal with and for sure,its complicated for certain reason.Clearly,I just want a happy life.Things which I want it to be - my way.

When I think about it that way, I think about things differently. Of course we're going to want things from others -- how could we not? -- but we should first think what we want for ourselves. I am not, by any stretch of the imagination, all of the things mentioned above. However, I want to be. I would love to be all of those things and I believe that someday I will. But for now I will work on them. I will recognize that I want to find these things in others and, therefore, must have them within myself. Amidst all of the questions and the drawn out sentences of this post, I think it comes down to one key thing: change the "I want" to the "I am."

Today I have a lot of questions, questions about knowing the fact life is moving too fast.I am turning 28 in 2 weeks time. I feel that I have aged well-beyond my twenty-eight years (which, to be honest, is not an entirely new feeling for me; I have always felt much older than I really am). I always wanted to grow-up because I felt much more comfortable in the world of adults -- and yet I don't feel as though I ever fully did grow up, though technically most would consider me of adult age. 

All that being said, the countdown begins.My wishes this year are too many.Likewise,my parent's gift for this year is none other than a handbag.I am all excited to meet new addition to the collection and of course my darling Hazlind is coming back from San Francisco this year for Eid!I can't wait to spend time with this darling again after 2 years of away and our shot getaway to Langkawi with the two munchkins Aida & Shaq.