Monday, 22 June 2015

A wake up call.

Not too long ago ( approx 4 days ago), I found myself in the middle of a terrible, not a good day and screwed everything. Everything seemed to be going wrong and my mind would not stop returning again and again to negative thoughts and envisioning worst-case scenarios. It was one of those days when I felt like, no matter what, I couldn't stop ruminating on what had/could go wrong and I felt far, far away from the present moment. I was so upset and broke down. I blamed myself for the failure. Hmmmph. I struggled handling my terrible day and it took days until now to remember the moment I opened my result.

 I know, I know, some of you are probably cringing at the" what result" you are talking about? Remember few months back I was talking about my exam preparations for the license I have to attempt. I failed those 4 papers. My heart was broken to see my results. But yea, come to think back the day I felt I'm a loser, I have forgotten that " it's not my rezeki yet"... Maybe, Allah wants me to learn from my mistakes and fully understand treasury itself. 

When it comes to speaking my mind about disappointment, I'm really good at doing this professionally and really bad at doing it personally. No professional disappointment will slip by undiscussed, but I have a difficult time speaking up when it comes to personal disappointment. Arghhh so much in my mind now...At the very least, facing disappointment can make you a stronger person who is honing his or her skills at looking for the positive in even the most difficult of situations.. So here I am, a toast for myself. Stay strong and lets do this again without giving up!!!!

Thursday, 18 June 2015

Ramadhan 1 - 1416H

Sadness is something I'd like to think I spent my life trying to avoid, but there have been moments when I have reveled in it, when I have spoiled myself with it, consuming more than my share until I was too full to move. I've claimed not to want it, but I have dug in all too willingly when it was served up. I used to think this was a bad thing, my propensity for sorrow, but as I've made my way along the path to living a more positive and happy, I've learned that sadness is not something to be avoided. " Everything that has happened to you in the past has been a preparation for the wonderful life that lies ahead of you in the future". Remember the rule: It doesn't matter where you're coming from; all that really matters is where you're going.It is something that should be embraced, experienced, and explored. 

Another Ramadhan to celebrate at the age of 30 in few weeks time and my 1st time fasting at my new office with a new job! Likewise, my routine will be gym over the lunch and hoping "masjid" for terawikh. I decided to skip futsal for a month and  I can't wait to blog on my masjid hoping this year. Yesterday was my 1st experience to step into Masjid Asyikirin at KLCC which full with muslims to collect their points. Hoping everyone enjoying this wonderful time of "togetherness". My sincere apologies to those I have hurt before directly or indirectly. May Allah bless us and bestow us strength to go through one wonderful month. As for me, my wish for this year to obtain HIS forgiveness and blessings in whatever I do in future. InshaAllah. Trust me, Ramadhan is always the best time to make a dua' and it never fail to give me "something good". 

Selamat berpuasa everyone!

Sunday, 14 June 2015

Little things in life

It can be hard to be thankful for work, but consider how work makes your life better. It provides you with income, and it can challenge, inspire, and excite you.. We should all be thankful for whatever kindness we experience in work or life. There's a beginning of something.. What inspires you to get out of the bed in the morning? What inspires you to keep working, loving, living? Little things in life make a big difference for you to keep going! Hey, gotta love this new little notebook i received from a friend of mine. Thank you for the sweet thought! Now time to write "what shall I do when market turn haywire?"

Saturday, 6 June 2015

What's stopping you?

While I really am trying to live in the moment and focus on what's happening right now, I can't help but look to think what's stopping me to decide what is the best decision for myself. Of course I am referring to the previous post on how i FEEL right now at the moment. Nothing major to be honest but there is so much happening right now in my life and, if you're anything like me, you probably rush by it all the time. 

Every aspect of my life has changed since I made the decision to choose happiness last year. It started in my blog and then flowed into every part of my life, and it continues to grow every day. I am the healthiest and happiest that I have ever been. The choice to think more positively and seek out positive things leads to more confidence, better decision-making, so much more clarity, and fuels a desire to continuously improve and be better than I was before.

But as I travel to my destination of finding my own happiness, I found myself afraid of admitting my feeling and scared to loose. What gets me excited is whenever it crosses my mind, it leaves me feeling so overjoyed or pumped that make me can barely sit. Believe me, I know how much courage it takes to willingly tell the person your feelings. It really can be terrifying, the thought of confronting and confessing. I honestly think it was that fear that held me back at this juncture. I knew I needed to ask and tell although I am so afraid...

Life is hard.  There is no shame in saying so.  Pain hurts.  There is no weakness implied in feeling the inevitable discomforts that are the cost of taking this risk of confronting.  But if the discomforts persist longer than they should, it is always worth asking what that is. So yesterday when I told one of my closes friend about this matter, she asked me, what is the purpose of your life? "To live in joy but no regret in future"...It is a small thing, but for me, merely thinking about challenges in a different way makes them more unbearable. I knew I have done my mistakes years ago when I have no chance to say it, but one thing i am scared of is loosing the friendship and the laughter we shared. 

Before immediately responding to my post and the previous post, please bear with my picks for this post. Pictures taken last weekend during the two big events. Loving the make up and these ladies. Anyway, my sissy back in Dublin got engaged last week to her love of her life. Trust me, they made long distance relationship work out. Congratulation my dear Fardila and Aizat. Nail it! well tonight, another big day for my another friend Reen. I am looking forward for all big events such as engagement and wedding before pause starts in another 2 weeks. Have a fabulous weekend dearies!

Monday, 1 June 2015

Fall in love..

“Say, ‘Indeed, my prayer, my service of sacrifice, my living and my dying are for Allah, Lord of the worlds.'” (6:162)

All I really wanted to do was curl up on the couch and contemplate all the things that weren't going right, but I knew that definitely was not the best way to find solution to my issue. It has been a while since I really post on how I feel  and any relationship episodes I am going through at this juncture. Somehow, my fear to fall in love and being hurt haunted me since my last relationship. I realised myself fall in love blindly and I have always forgotten to fall in love with something greater, fall in love with the real thing, none other to fall in love with Allah SWT. I fell for my dunia but not for my akhirat. It would be nice if I could always walk in sunshine (prefect relationship with God and a human), but I know that's not the case. I walked in the dark sometimes, stumbling and unsure where my relationship with human is heading to and ended crying for nothing. It was a waste of my tears. It has been a year since i finally gave up on thing which can't work out. It all happened too fast when I thought that would be the turning point, where we’d cross the line and go forth down that path, and everything would be perfect and fine. June is finally here, 3 weeks down the road going to be my favourite month and I have something to decide on my future... Wallahualam. At this point of time, my heart is battling and I only can pray for the best because there is nothing greater than HIS plans for me but there is something I need to tell.. It was harder than I thought and convincing my heart is way tougher.  Sometimes, we love things that we can't have...,