Friday, 31 August 2012

Happy 30th Anniversary

There's no other couple I love so much than both of you,
There's no other couple I can't live without,
There's no other couple I admire the hardwork to raise me up,
There's no other couple who always remind me to remember Allah all the time,
There's no other couple I can turn to when I am down,
There's no other couple who always there to provide the financial assistance when I am broke,
There's no other couple who can make jokes and watch TV with me munching junk food,
There's no other couple I will drag myself every morning for Subuh Prayer together,
There's no other couple who always pray for me day and night,
There's no other couple who pressuring me to settle down by next year..

Happy 30th Anniversary Papa & Mama,

May every memory that you share
Of dreams you've seen come true,
Help make this special anniversary day
A happy one, for the two of you

Your sugar & spice only daughter,


Being a banker

Over the course of my life, I've spent some time with people who initially strike me as incredibly positive. They are always laughing, always quick to strike up a conversation with a stranger, always ready to smile and wave, or offer up a story of interest. These are the people that, on the surface, seem incredibly positive. They are upbeat, active, smiling, and they seem to be beaming with energy. We work,we laugh,we cry whenever the paper decline,whenever risk asking questions and when comes to month end we chase to meet the budget and no impairments to balance sheet.

Here's some pictures taken from Bank's Open House held at Royale Chulan for the Corporate Customers last Wednesday.

Saturday, 25 August 2012

Al- Baqarah

And seek help through patience and prayer, and indeed, it is difficult except for the humbly submissive [to Allah ]

Life, in essence, would be worthless without words. Though I don't know if everyone would agree with that fact (or even if I do), I am certain that my world is an infinitely better because of the words that fill its spaces and provide me with the tools necessary to convey my thoughts and emotions. Words change me every single day. They shift and shape my life and, recently, have helped me to transform my life from mere existence to a positive state of being. I am not certain that all would be lost if my life was void of words, but I know for sure that, without words, I would not be living; I would be merely existing. 

In Surah Al -Baqarah 2:45 mentioned,seek help through patience and prayer to Allah.I have came to a stage of giving up with life when something I adored too much became hardest battles I've ever have to fight for.Could there ever be an easy way to let go of an attachment?The empty space wasn't filled and every time I tried to fill it,it didn't go perfectly.I have to face another hardship and been tested again.

We are all aware of the power of words. One word said or read the wrong way can cause so much pain. The perfect words said at the perfect time can provide pure moments of bliss. Words are incredibly powerful and can be used both for good and bad.Some say,"you don't get over someone until you find something better".A better guy as companion or a guy to lead you to Jannah?

It is astounding to me to think about how much I have spent crying over something which is not worth.How scared I am of everything and its like a big gap has been punched through my heart.I cried and trying to understand the "hikmah" behind every single thing happened.I think the reason I can't handle this is because I have so many regrets.If I could go back and do things over,I would change everything.

Pursuant to my previous entry of This is love ,I truly believed that in every stranded journey,there's always another road to walk on and a destination of a long road will end those misery I have gone through.We can't let go of love because we haven't found something greater.We don't see the REAL THING,REAL VERSION and REAL MODEL.Therefore,patience is always virtue.I had same conversation with a good friend of mine,Marina on this matter too.She,who recently transformed,told me,find a way to build my path back to Allah.'In every lesson He has tested there's always a reason behind.

Seek help from HIM and HE will guide you to the right path.If marriage is the ultimate goal for now,start asking from HIM.He has written the FATE for each of His humble servant.Whether the long road will be loss,gain,failure,success,there will be some people who will loves you and held your hand to Jannah.The more you chase it,the more it will run away from you.So,sit down and relax.Its the time for you to wait because every patience of waiting,it is worth in future.


Thursday, 23 August 2012

This is LOVE

So, how did I turn my life around? It all started out when I received my raya gift from my beloved blonde,Zara.

There are many hadith of the same import showing that having love for someone for the sake of Allah is an act of great merit, which grants one the opportunity of doing good in this world and being in exalted company in the Hereafter.

 It took a lot of reading and introspection, but I got there. And, here's the thing, I'm getting better every day. It's an amazing process. The defining moment of my transformation.To love for the sake of Allah SWT.

I have spent years to find out what is love and what does it takes to be loved.Trying to figure out what is the most greatest love of all.Throughout my break up and darkness,I have lived to believe that relationship towards human (exclude parents) can make me happy.I blamed myself for all those things happened and chasing for it until I lose it.

Since it would probably take a long, long time to go through all of my favourite lines in the book, I've decided to highlight a few of the messages that really stuck out to me when reading "Sesungguhnya Cinta Itu Indah".Love is one of the greatest blessings from Allah.He has given us the most beautiful life to experience and cherish it.But,in reality,we never being thankful for what He has awarded.

Life is filled with light and dark, perfectly lit paths and dark, winding roads. We're all aware of the good and the bad, but we don't always remember that we can make the most of the darkness and, in fact, we can make even the darkest times brighter if we choose to take any of the actions.We have forgotten that Allah is there to listen,to grant the wishes and to save us from walking in the dark for the whole entire life.

I was taught to pray and recite Yassin everytime I feel down.Never stop the "doa"because that's the least I can ask from Him.When He permits it,He grant it.Allah needs nothing and is free of all deficiencies. On the other hand, people need to worship, pray, and display good morals. Even the world's most brutal, violent, and faithless person cannot harm Allah in any way, for He is the sole owner and sovereign of all that exists. Still, Allah says that He will reward those who display moral excellence.

Though I know I am not a perfect muslimah,there are things I would love to share with the readers how amazing to start and have a good relationship with Allah.Start to love Allah,then the Parents and followed by loving a stranger who Allah has written for you.Loving a person besides Allah and parents are destination.The destination is to Jannah.Once you begin to see everything beautiful as only a reflection of God's beauty,you will learn to love in the right way for His sake.

I've been trying to figure out for as long as I can remember. To be in LOVE requires work and, if you're going to work on it, you might as well have the right tools.The right tools is always to refer to Him.He knows what is the BEST for you and lead you to right path.I have struggled to desperately find what I really want in a relationship with a human and in the end I failed to get what I want.Then I realized,my failure was due to myself.It is me who failed to accept Qada'  and Qadar.I have devoted too much on human rather than HIM.

This book is highly recommended as a pleasure although the language used by the author is too deep to well understand,but trust me,it is an awesome book to awake us from our fairytale.

Jazakallah Khair.

Tuesday, 21 August 2012

stop asking?

Lately I've been asking myself a lot of questions. As I cruise through my twenties, I'm trying to figure everything out. I'm trying to figure out my career, my relationships, my likes and dislikes, and, most importantly, my place in this world. At times it can be overwhelming and I find my mind racing with questions, my thoughts filled with queries that lack answers.

Today I've decided to get to the bottom of these questions -- not necessarily by finding the answers to them, but by really thinking about them. As I find myself wondering and wondering, I have to ask myself the big question: "How much of this really matters?" When I reflect on what my overall goal is in life -- to positively live a life of purpose -- I realize that not all of the questions racing around in my head need answers. In fact, many of the questions I find myself struggling with don't even really need to be asked. Nonetheless, I often feel like I'm a little kid, still trying to figure out the world. I want to know -- always -- the big question: "Why?" I find myself pondering: Why do certain things happen to me? Why do others not happen to me? Why am I not experiencing the dream career I thought I'd have by now? Why am I so lucky to have great people in my life? Why am I living where I am, doing what it is that I do? Why do I love this and hate that? Why is my mind always racing with questions? Why, why, why...

There are so many "whys" in my life and sometimes it's very, very frustrating when I start questioning myself, my life, and the world around me. As you've probably found when you've asked yourself those big "life" questions, the answers aren't always easy to find (if, in some cases, there are even answers at all...). Being the impatient girl that I am, it's not always easy for me to deal with these unanswered questions. I want answers and I want them now. Sure, this is that living-in-the-moment attitude, but it's not really helping me to get answers -- or to be content with the fact that I may not always have (or ever get!) answers.

Monday, 20 August 2012

Keep on walking...

I've heard it said
That people come into our lives for a reason
Bringing something we must learn
And we are led
To those who help us most to grow
If we let them
And we help them in return
Well, I don't know if I believe that's true
But I know I'm who I am today
Because I knew you...

Like a comet pulled from orbit
As it passes a sun
Like a stream that meets a boulder
Halfway through the wood
Who can say if I've been changed for the better?
But because I knew you
I have been changed for good
Well, it may never be
That we'll meet again
In this lifetime
So let me say before we part
So much of me
Is made of what I learned from you
You'll be with me
Like a hand print on my heart
And now whatever way our stories end
I know you have rewritten mine
By being my friend...
Like a ship blown from its mooring
By a wind off the sea
Like a seed dropped by a skybird
In a distant wood
Who can say if I've been changed for the better?
But because I knew you
Because I knew you
I have been changed for good
"For Good"
from Wicked

Love always

Like most people, I'm pretty busy with Eid preparation although the whole family are still overwhelmed to accept the fact grandma is no longer around to celebrate together.Went back to Mum's hometown and visited grandparents grave right after the prayers.And really, Raya was not that fun.Its definitely hard to explain.

Back in KL today.

 I received an sms from a friend who was feeling down about her ex who got married yesterday in Australia.She just couldn't help herself to cry the whole night and been telling me it was the most pathetic Eid she ever experienced.Reading her sms,reminds me of myself.It was completely related.To be honest,I was literally cried when I was told my ex got married after we decided to split.


Personally, I've never been a calm person to deal with such a bombard news especially it involves me and my past.Life,lessons and love.Life is exciting to be honest.I always give myself really great advice, but over the last year I've actually started listening to it. Now that I'm actually taking my own advice and listening to what I really need, I'm happier than ever and there is so much to be done.

How exhausting and endless self-improvement can be at times! But I'm working on it. I'm doing it -- pushing along and doing whatever I can to make my life what I want it to be. After all, it's my life and no one is going to make the next year of it a great one for me. If I want another great, eye-opening year of my life, I have to take the reigns and take control.  I want to have control (and, no, not in that perfectionist way of mine) and I want to be able to look back and say that I lived my life the way I wanted to live it.

For the first time, I'm looking back on a year and realizing how amazing it was and how far I've come.I've woken up and thought to myself, "What am I doing with my life?! Why do I have to be sad when my ex settling down and  move on with another woman in his life?Why can't I be happy? I'll admit, some of those days were horrendous. Some of those days were the worst days I've ever had. But those days, and all of the drag-myself-through-this days to follow, were what brought me here, "I DESERVED TO BE HAPPY TOO".

First, before I go on, let me say that my friend is quite pretty. She's the kind of girl you'll be walking with and randomly guys will look over and say, "Hi!" as if something compelled them to utter the word. She's beautiful. But, like most beautiful women, that doesn't necessarily stop her from feeling down on herself when her relationship jeopardized.

Her long distance relationship started to tremble when she moved back to Malaysia after been together when they were in Australia for quite sometime. They decided to split after having much trouble in terms of distance and religion.Both moving on with their life although she had to mend her broken heart everyday.I've seen her crying everyday mourning about how pathetic her life turned out to be.Similarly with my story,when she had to face alone every moment without the ex,a guy whom she loved more than anything else in this world.

But enough of being sad.There's no point of dwelling over the past.We only have one life to cherish and to live.It feels like somewhere along the line, we’ve missed the point of it all, MOVE ON TO ANOTHER LEVEL and be happy RIGHT NOW.The least we can do only to pray everything will be alright even it takes long years to cease the memories.

If you want to be happier (and don't we all?) one of the best things we can for ourselves is to accept pain in our lives. Yeah, it would be great if we didn't have to deal with pain (or would it?), but we do. That's life. Sometimes it's shitty. Sometimes it sucks. But I can guarantee that if you are living your life trying to avoid all of the painful, shitty things, you're making yourself pretty darn unhappy. So start being happier right now by doing just this one thing: stop avoiding your pain.

 I can't say that I'm an expert on this yet, but I know that now that I've started to deal with my pain I'm a lot happier (yes, even when I'm actually experiencing the pain) than I am when I try my hardest to avoid it.So,I replied to her long smses hoping she'll be ok until I meet her in the next 2 days.

Dear xxxx,

Allah is really fair.He took away your happiness and replace it with other things.The best is yet to come.He may tested you in such a way .You have to put trust in Allah and love Him more than anything else.He will make the best of your life .Nothing is ever to be perfect.Please hang on there and enjoy your Eid.

Love always,


Wednesday, 15 August 2012

Relationship status

One of the difficulties I have found in relationships with others is the fact that we are often looking is happiness.I realized that this happiness has to come from within.It easy to blame unhappy feelings on other,outside factors,but,in all honesty,my own happiness comes down to me.

From my previous entry,I'm sure you've heard many times before, that I am happy when I entered new relationship after had my heart broke in my longest relationship.There are so many things happening for the past few weeks.Thinking about all the things,I am grateful for what Allah has given.A complete package of a guy who genuinely made me happy throughout my recovering phase.

Someone who I have learned so much from and helped me understand the world in new way,changed my perspective and has impacted my own life in such a profound and meaningful way is no longer a person I called a boyfriend.

I have decided to end the relationship we had.Everything began to fall into place.I must admit the sky was filled with shooting stars when we were in love,but it seemed the puzzles pieces of our relationship lost and the relationship collided.

Though I am not suffering from a broken heart right now when I decided to end our relationship,it still hurts.I haven't been the best at dealing with my personal pain.I am not good in pretending that I have cured my sadness for walking away from the relationship we built.Believe me,its the worst feelings in the world when I actually told him that I don't see the future and this relationship won't work out.

It is,by far,he was one of the genuine guy I have met.He has taught me things I never would have thought I could learn which willingly to let go of my past and live fully in the present moment.Over the past 11 months we have gone out,my life has changed considerably.I have moved on and he has lent his shoulder for me to cry on.

I am not perfect.I have made mistakes in my past to remain faithful to my longest relationship and continue to make mistakes because I am human.Love has a way of teaching us that what we do matters but also to those who love us.I have learned that nothing is ultimately more important than the life I am living right now.Love can be seen seen in a single look.

Every single moment matters.Life is short.I have noticed no change more profoundly in my short lifetime.Love is about compromise and  acceptance.Therefore,the person who loves you most should accept for who you are.There have been times when I've looked at myself in the mirror and wondered,"Do I really love this guy so much or I am just faking it?"

So after thinking about it for quite sometime,I came up with a big question mark whether "can this relationship move to another level and will I truly like his companionship for the past almost a year?".When I stop to think about what I'm feeling and thinking,I realized that its not usually what it seems.I found myself looking more and more at sad things.Our relationship seems not to go into same direction.I worried about things will never actually happen.

I gave up.

There are pieces of me who still love him as my partner but to be honest,slowly,it drained out.I never knew that one day,I determined to walk away from his life and left the memories we shared even in short period.There are so many things we have taken for granted.I do believe happiness is a choice.No one else is going to make you happy and feel better than yourself.I can't force this relationship if I am not happy and living unhappily.Its not a dream or fantasy.

I believed things happened with a good reason.I appreciate every single moments we have spent together and matters to me.I leave it to Allah because He knows what he's doing up there.Knowing the fact I am confused with my feelings,I only can pray things will get better.I can't dwell over this relationship much because he was a great man I fall in love with.He has done much to develop this relationship and bear with my emotions.However,my heart fell out of my back pack and nowhere to be found at the moment.The journey was perfect but Allah has tested us in so many ways.Allah has taken him away and I'm not sure exactly what will happen in future without him around as a person I used to call a boyfriend.

As I was writing this entry which 4 days to Eid Mubarak,I swear its really sad to end this beautiful journey of together.It was perfect but Allah probably has a better plan for us ahead.I believed it with whole my heart. 

Monday, 6 August 2012

Love as it is

"Love, it's a special day
We should celebrate and appreciate
That you and me found something pretty neat
And I know some say this day is arbitrary "

I was afraid of love for a very long time and sometimes it feels like hardest thing to commit again.I found letting go love required brave and strength especially when you've been in a long term relationship.I have struggled to accept my longest relationship jeopardized and the pain was inevitably hurts.

I was living in fear.I am afraid to invest my heart and soul to a new relationship.Life is about so many things and love does play big part in many aspects of life.But then again,we are human.We need to step ahead and moving on.We all know this is generally much easier said than done.Certainly we can be in relationship and experience varieties of emotions,but when you find yourself unhappy with the relationship and ultimately unhappy, worst thing could happen.

Looking back on some of my mistakes and slack I did when I started new relationship,I found out that we have to live in present and appreciate a deliciously exciting future ahead.I learned that if I don't respect myself and truly love myself,no one else can truly love me.Therefore,I prefer to have my own time and dive into my passion rather than being so clingy to him.I have my own time and so does himself.We have our own "me-time".Of course,there's a limit without ignoring each other.

It may seems ironic but I learned from my experiences and it has proven that "if you want other people to love you,you must love yourself".The older I get and matured,I am more getting to know myself better,and much to my surprise,the more I actually I love myself.I have to accept the person I am growing into filled with interesting things and there are so many beautiful things in this world to experience.

Undeniably true.

Sometimes it can be very, very difficult to believe that we are worth loving. Sometimes it can be damn near impossible to believe that we are valuable. But you are! Everyone is capable of loving and being loved. Love yourself by being present.Catch up with things you never done before.Spend more to focus what you desire to do and along the way,you will realized that you have balance life ( Life & Love).

When you love someone, it may feel like you're giving away a part of yourself, but really you're simply allowing that part of yourself to go out into the world and grow stronger. You have much more to gain than you do to lose.What has inspired me to move on and walk away from my past relationship was,I have to put myself as priority.What I desire and what I want it to be in future.I must admit,when ever my past came across my mind,I cried thinking long years I have spent into and risk I have taken to remain faithful.

No one is perfect in this world and after the heart broken,I determined that as wonderful and amazing and inspiring as love is,its not everything when it comes to life.I am worth than the relationship I had for very long time.At this juncture,I am truly happy and everyday is a new chance for a new start.

Whatever you think the worst thing that could happen is, remember that love is better than that and it's worth the risk. Therefore,love yourself more than anything else in this world.

Friday, 3 August 2012

Value of Friendship

Oftentimes ,we all busy with our schedule and commitments.We never have time to catch up with good friends due to running errands.Ramadhan is a perfect time to gather everyone.So last Tuesday,I had iftar with my stooges (Miera & Liyana).

This year mark 8th year of Friendship we had.Miera ,Liyana and I were in Uitm,Shah Alam pursuing our ACCA after completing our CAT in 2004.As we look back on our life,we realized that there were so many things we have done together and shared so much stories.Bittersweet!

The time we spent during Uni days were awesome and worthwhile.In fact,one day,I'll be telling my kids to value the friendship as much they value the family.Of course in friendship,we cant avoid arguments and  misunderstanding.But let go a little and just let life happen.As we grow, we realize it becomes less important to have more friends and more important to have real ones.

Bestie,Liyana (Thanks for lovely Coach pouch.Its really useful.Lets shop new handbag soon?)

Stooges (L-R :Liyana ,Miera and I)

 Making one person smile can change the world.  Maybe not the whole world, but their world.  Your kindness and gratitude matters.  Make an effort to really listen  not just wait to talk.  See the other person as if for the first time.  It’s all too easy to take someone for granted.  Really notice all the wonderful things they do, and let them know what you see.My two darlings Hazlind Shee and Shakinah.They are the ones who matter most.

This year,I won't be having my iftar session with my darling Hazlind.She has moved to San Francisco last year.Things changed.We are all struggling to achieve dreams.So as I was having quick conversation with Shakinah through whatsapp on our iftar plan,we realized that this year won't be fun like usual years. Hazlind is not physically appeared.The one who always tease us "you both are BERTIH".

Marriot - Ramadhan 2010

We miss you always darling

Real friends meet in the middle.A real friend is someone who truly knows you, and loves you just the same.My two blondes who I acquainted in the bank are my best counsellor.They are sisters to me.Colleague cum sisters.Good friends sees the pain in your eyes while everyone else still believes the smile on your face.I heart both of you much my two Zs.

The sad truth is that there are some people who will only be there for you as long as you have something they need.  When you no longer serve a purpose to them, they will leave.  Regardless how you met your friends and where,the most important thing is real friends keep promises and tell the truth upfront.The good news is, if you tough it out, you’ll eventually weed these people out of your life and be left with some great people you can count on.  We rarely lose friends and lovers, we just gradually figure out who our real ones are.

Live by choice, not by chance.  Make changes, not excuses.  Be motivated, not manipulated.Cherish the friendship you have.I am blessed.Surrounded by beautiful hearts.In life,you get what you put in.

Jazakallah Khair.Happy Fasting lovies :)