Wednesday, 27 February 2013

to accept that life will unfold the way it's meant to be

Lately my mind has been wandering into forbidden territory. Little by little, I find my thoughts creeping back to the past. They do it when I'm not looking, when I'm busy or sleeping or not fully paying attention, and then before I know it, I'm thinking backward, stumbling and tripping over my ideas because I'm going in the wrong direction. The trouble lately has been not only that I'm thinking about the past and spending way too much time there, but I've also been romanticizing it, imagining it in ways that are completely unrealistic.

Clearly this is a problem for many reasons, but one of the things that bugs me the most is that I cannot control what I think about.  I know this is normal. I know a lot of us have trouble controlling our thoughts, keeping them moving forward in a productive way. But, for me ,a slight control freak, this drives me crazy. I want to be able to control what I think about, at least to some extent. I want to be able to turn off certain parts of my mind.Probably my work is so piling up with lots of things need to be done and I can't even focus what I have now.

Of course, I'm always trying not to jumble up between personal and work matters, but sometimes when my mind wanders back to the past and I think about how "good" it was then (was it really?) I find that I'm not focusing as much on today.I tend to compare and make my own assumptions.What if we're really meant to be? My mind -- the logical, sane part of me -- knows this is ridiculous. Things end for a reason and, with almost all of my relationships, I've given it a second chance too. It never works out any better the second time around.

 I’m not searching for any particular end point, however. All I want is to be happy, to live a life that focuses more on the good than the bad (though I do believe you need both to have a happy life). On this road,this twisting, turning road to happiness -- there have been many ups and downs. There have been challenges. There have been inspirations. There have been many amazing experiences that I never would have had.Here's some pictures to share for the past a week I have been up to:- 

Mr Harley's 35th Birthday Dins at ABC

 Inter-Bank Futsal Tournament  2013

Little Eusoff's 1st Birthday Party 

Miss Best friend Day out and Stooges meeting up

Sunday, 17 February 2013

Love yourself

Whether you call life a dash or a climb, it's really about the same idea -- that life is action, life is now, life is this moment. The now is the only guarantee we have, but it is so easy for me to get caught up in what will (or might) be.Of course we can plan and prepare and work towards the future, but we're never really going to know what mountains will lie ahead. All we know for sure is that we're here, now, climbing.

When I stop to think about what I'm feeling or thinking, I realize that it's not usually what it seems. I am struggling to climb.There's usually more. It's usually complicated. And, yes, sometimes it's a pain in the ass to think about situations or feelings I don't feel like dealing with. But finding out what my feelings mean or thinking about why I'm thinking about a certain topic usually leads me to a greater understanding of myself, which only brings about more happiness in my life. Knowing me better means knowing the world better, something we often take for granted.

My point here is be kind to yourself. Love yourself more than anything else in this world.Why bother to cry if its not worth of every penny.Be thankful for what is going well in your life is an excellent way to dive into the day with a positive attitude.As I've been struggling with this lately, I've been reminding myself that it really is possible to change my perspective.To climb again even I keep on falling down. 

About a year ago, I decided I was going to make a change in my life. I was going to start looking for the good, seeking the positive, and striving to make every day a joyful experience. This was something I would have never imagined myself doing, but it's something that has impacted my life every single day since then.I made myself climbing the corporate ladder,dealing with rejections and critics,dealing with my broken heart and I still believe I have a long way to climb to achieve what I really want in my life.

 I took my love, I took it down
Climbed the mountain and I turned around
I saw my reflection in the snow-covered hills
Till the landslide brought me down
Oh, mirror in the sky, what is love?
Can the child in my heart rise above?
Can I sail through the changing ocean tides?
Can I handle the seasons of my life? 
Fleetwood Mac

Saturday, 16 February 2013

All I want....,

I made a mistake in my life today
everything I love gets lost in drawers
I want to start over, I want to be winning
way out of sync from the beginning.....

Tuesday, 12 February 2013

Dublin days

There has been so much stress lately, too much to handle at times and its definately been a challenge to maintain a healthy lifestyle and balance with workload.But somehow looking back at the pictures which worth of millions words are making me happy.Reminiscing good old days back in Dublin, how wonderful to be a student,traveling and there's always a last - min plans.Great time to remind myself,cherish the memories.

Monday, 11 February 2013

Live a life you’re proud of....,

Every heartbreak hurts. It really does.

I've been there. Man, have I been there. Many, many times. More times than I'd like to admit I've been broken hearted by breaking someone else's heart. It always seems as if it'd be better to be the one ending things, but it's not. It still hurts.

One of the most important things I've learned in my path to positivity is that you can't just brush the bad emotions aside. Sure, it would be fabulous if we could be oh-so-happy all the time, but that's not life. Life sucks sometimes. Really sucks. We get mad, we get sad, we get hurt. That's just how it is. 

I spend time analyzing and thinking and over-thinking situations, instead of really just sitting down with myself and realizing that the love I have for myself should be my focus.I really do believe that there's a lesson in everything and every painful experience I've gone through has proved that to me. Even when I've felt like giving up, like just screaming until my lungs collapsed, I was learning. Even though it didn't feel like it at the time.

When you're battling a broken heart, choosing happiness is far from easy, but it is still possible.No matter what happens in life, you always have yourself so you better work on loving that person and celebrating how awesome he or she is. If you really love yourself, really believe that you are great, no one can take that away from you.

Of course, the love I've experienced from others has a great impact on my life and I would most likely not be the person I am today without the love I've experienced.At this juncture,I am so grateful for the things I have experienced,hoping no more sad episodes I have to go through again.I must admit,it took me long journey to be here now.God is fair and great.He never let me cry for the rest of my life.

You can wake up every day and love yourself as much as you possibly can and still love all of the people around you. That's the amazing thing about love!I cannot say that I'm always smiling at myself in the mirror, so overjoyed to see myself happy again.It was unexpected.I never thought I can wake up again from another fall.


but the most important thing; seek help through patience and prayer.InsyaAllah.

Saturday, 9 February 2013

Hi February

Somehow I have ended up my January by finding multiple things that I could happily have in my life. Make world a better place.January left with lots of amazing things.

Happy February! I hope you guys have had a great start to the second month of the year! It's gotta be a great month when it's starts on a Friday. I had a great start of February in Kota Kinabalu,Sabah for Business Banking Convention held at Nexus Karambunai located 30 mins from KK International Airport.

 I am loving the fact the 3 days were well spent since I am one of the committee organizing such a big event for the Bank.Business banking all across Malaysia were there.As for us,in Corporate Banking, 2012 was challenging.In fact, knowing the fact Business Banking contributed 67.2% of total Bank's income are making me more happier.Big Bonus this month?I am not sure,a little hope and whatever it is,whether its FAT or maintain the same as last year,its a reward for the handwork.

Last year, I spent way too much of my time wishing and dreaming that I was somewhere else.I remember in February,i was extremely excited to perform Umrah with parents.Then, I was struggling to stay present in my life.I found myself constantly worrying about the future or dwelling on the past particularly struggled  with letting go of the past.I have been spending a lot on thinking last year.

Lately, However, my life has been tremendously changed. Its worth of waiting and patience is really a virtue :)

Some of my favorite moments:

Live to be happy, live to do what you like, 
live in freedom.

Happy Chinese New year to those who are celebrating!