Sunday, 27 May 2012

You and Me

Dear Love,

Remember when I first met you?
We were completely shy and didn't talk much,
Remember when we started to speak on the phone?
Felt like I have known you forever.
I didn't know the friendship we embarked in the 1st place turned into now.
I never thought a guy whom a stranger is literally a man in my life now.
You had 10 seconds pause on the phone,
From a shy,i-seriously-don't know what to talk guy turned into most unstoppable talking guy,
It was you my dear love..

Remember when you asked me out for a movie?
I felt like we are still in uni days where everything was completely awkward,
I didn't realize the strange thing is called love.
It feels like I never fall in love before...

Meeting you has changed my life tremendously,
From a girl who cries everyday reminiscing the past,
From a girl who confused with the feelings,
From a girl who can't get over a man she used to love,
From a girl who has the sceptical perception and never believed in love,
To a girl who devotes her life and willingly to give in again into a thing called relationship.

It's true every good and perfect gift is from Allah,
You are my best gift came in a package,
Although it took us a while to resolve and get into it,
You are the amazing package full of humour,cares,love and tenderness,
Its not about finding the perfect person but learning to see the imperfect person perfectly makes me admire you everyday in my life although to accept the flaws took me a while.

It was worth to wait because I always want to wear perfect shoes,
But I didn't know that the perfect shoes is just right in front of me,
I was too scared to get my heart broken again,
I was too paranoid to put the trust into a relationship,
Because I was once been betrayed and fall down,
But you simply captivated me.

I love the way you make me smile and laugh,
I love the little things you do,
I love the way you make your lame and annoying jokes,
I love the way you always crap and silly on the phone,
I love when you tease and imitate me,
I love when you reply my bbm and whatsapp with lousy emoticons,
I love when you smile everytime I tease you are "AzmanIsh"
You are simply amazing guy.

Coming into this relationship has been hard at times,
This journey is too early to justify,
This relationship is still sailing to the destination which we have no idea what is the ending,
Its either a happy or sad ending,
Sometimes I wonder if we have it too good to be true,
 I always wish that I have known you 10 years ago love.

I want you to know how much you mean to me,
How much you bring the joy to my life now,
You've filled my empty days with laughter,
You've made me seen the absolutely beautiful and lovely rainbows,
You colour my world with your goofyness,
You taught me to calm and chill everytime I get upset with certain things,
You mean the world to me.

Leading up to this day,

Thank you for being really patient,
With my imperfection,
with my moody mood,
with my i-want-to-sleep-so-can-we-stop-talking-on-the-phone,
with my never ending story.

I want you to know,
No matter what's coming up in future,
In good and bad times,
Maybe you'll be thousand miles away from me,
Pursuing your dreams,
Although I can't imagine my day without you day and night,

I will always here to support and waiting for you :)

Saturday, 26 May 2012

Every other Saturday

Cancer is a bugger of a disease.

I remember seeing Mum suffered during the chemotherapy and radiotherapy.I was 19 years old when we found out she had 1 1/2  stage breast cancer.Looking back the days when Dad came back with the mamogram result,I could see his worried face and granny was crying.Mum was calm when she knew the result.She insist to remove her right breast immediately.So the operation took place on 23rd December 2005 a week after the result out.I wasn't there before she entered before I was still shocked and came after my aunties begging me to come.

Of course before the operation,Dad was telling me that the chances is 50/50.It took me ages to digest and I remember to see her pale face soon after she was out from the operation theatre.My aunts and granny were crying.Then,as soon she woke up,she vomited.Again,I was scared.She was admitted for 3 weeks and I slept taking care of her day and night.

Mum has been diagnosed .A month after the surgery,she had to go through chemo and God knows how awful it was seeing her losing her hair bit by bit.She became bald and radiotherapy made her weak .I cried everytime I came back from hospital.I accompanied her to do all her treatments.At that point of time,I prayed to Allah that I don't want to lose here.Day and Night,I recited Quran.Its surreal.

I was young at that juncture to see my mum diagnosed and pale most of the time but I do know she's always positive.She told me to stay positive.Her spirit keep me going stronger.None from our gen had cancer and she was the 1st gen to have it.

She fight the pain  and Alhamdulillah,after 7 years,she is the pink of health.I was so happy seeing her energetic like she used to.Leading up to this day,I am so thankful for what Allah tested me although recovery takes time.I appreciate the time we spend together and genuinely love and adore her much.I always remember her words,"When Allah took away something,He will definitely replacing you with something".

Sometimes, looking in the mirror, I forget these words and default to feeling yuck about myself, even though I know I am a (relatively) intelligent, cheeky and bubbly. Those guilty feelings about feeling so silly in the first place, and so terribly female (a joyous privilege if ever there was one!) in the second, are hard to shake.

Every girl bares beauty scars. Each of these is tied into some comment made in my formative years designed to strip me of my dignity and focus my energies on things I couldn't really change without a lot of expended time, money and energy.Once,I hate my body so much because I can't bear all my fats and my effort to the gym was wasted.But then again,I should be grateful that I am living in healthy way(exclude the ciggy).I appreciate my body so much.

God knows how much I love my parents.Irreplaceable.I would trade myself for them.My other half's dad is currently battling and admitted into ICU almost 2 weeks.He had this complication after fall and hit his head.Nauzubillah.Let's pray his dad will recover soon.Dear You,I hope you are strong and never stop praying for him.I am here to support you.You know I will :).Chin up, love.*hugs*

I'm not sure about how can you detect the breast cancer.You may want to check this out :-

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* Good condition (never worn) and sophisticated
* Reason to sell due to wrong size
* Comes with box and dust bag
* Original - Size ( UK 6,US 7)
* Original 


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*Normal Price in KLCC and Pavi -RM 1500*

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You may contact me : for further info.

Sunday, 20 May 2012

I Won't give up

"The pain does not go away easily but it becomes manageable along the way.The learning process to accept and adapt the fact from bad experience will make you a wiser person.."

Often,all those memories came across my mind which I would end up crying my heart out.I can't deny it took me ages to digest the reality.Everyday I pray my "memories" gone when I wakes up every morning.I always remind myself to live in current,buckle up and step ahead .Even when I was performing umrah,I did ask from Allah to bestow me strong heart and let all the memories cease. Truthfully speaking,slowly it vanished and I couldn't recall all.Somebody I used to know and love has gone for the rest of my life.

But what had happened to me its only part in life.There are so many things coming up and it takes courage to grow up,never give up and follow my heart.Everyday is a brand new day to treasure.I cherish and acknowledge the thoughts/cares from others who always there for me when I need a place to shelter.Sometimes I feel so lucky to have everyone around me who always concern every little things happened to me.

For now,I am happy.Trully happy indeed.I have no fear to move on and start a new relationship.After all,isn't one the purpose of life is to have a companion who always be by your side in bad and good times?God knows how much suffered I have to bear until the day I declared myself a happy person.The sky was grey,I couldn't see a rainbow,my heart was shattered and my door of happiness shut.At this juncture,I am no longer living in sorrow.

I have spent almost a year to get over my broken heart.Finding the perfect time when the time has always been not right to me.I rejected,I compared and paranoid to start all over again.But really,"when one door closed,another door is happily open" for you.Therefore,I tried my level best to accept the flaws.

With all my sadness entries on how my longest relationship went wrong and tears everytime I jot my blog,I am in a relationship again.It's too early to make it public and saying I love him more than anything else in this world, which is still understatement.Embarking a mature relationship is amazing.Sometimes,I can feel the nervous to call him as my boyfriend.Of course,no specific names been addressed at the moment.It is U and I. 

I have had wonderful time,exciting and inspiring day everyday with him.He has been an icing to my cake,a chocolate on top of my ice cream and a sunshine to me.A man who's patiently dealing with my drama and impatience.A man who teases me and imitates whenever I nag.A man who gives full support just like my dad.A man who loves his family.A man who colours my world with his jokes.A man who remembers every single thing I told him.A man who is a stranger to me but not any more is literally a person I called "a boyfriend".

As I learnt from my past,relationship is not important to be published in social network.It involves lots of parties.I don't want to be seen as "a social attention seeker" just to tell everyone that I am moving on now.Enough of close friends and family to know we are in a relationship.I was quite nervous to be introduced to his family.It has been ages since I feel the same way.Things have been running smooth .I am so thankful except I am still adapting and adjusting the thing called "relationship".

I am back to normal ritual of calling everyday before going to bed,telling him hows my day so far.At this time, my thoughts are scattered here and there,everywhere.There are so many things in my mind and my doa has been granted.I found my happiness.I grew up surrounded by love since I am the only daughter in the family.I will end up sending him a bbm " can I have your attention please" and he always annoys me with "you ni mengada la".So,there's how our relationship is.We don't go for PDA like "auw I love you baby".It's a long way to go.We prefer to be seen as best friend rather than a girl-boyfie.

I remember when I first met him.I remember to see his face when I came back from my umrah trip.I remember how he looked like when I got into his car after 2 weeks away and no connections at all.I remember his face when I saw him after we both argued on the phone.I remember when I caught him looking at me then smile.It is simply amazing.

Dear YOU,leading up to this day,thank you for being not nice to me on earth.Making annoying jokes,teasing how obvious my "buncit tummy", embarrassed me infront of your cousins and siblings,giving me the whatever look,stopping me to eat at night and keep on saying "you were slim back then".On top of all those,you are still ter-muah.

Saturday, 19 May 2012

Happy Birthday Mr Stranger

I will admit that I am a scaredy-cat.  I worry about things and I usually sit, wait, ponder and think about every single for and against before I embark upon anything.  On Monday 14th May,I have planned to make a birthday surprise for my dear Mr Stranger.I tried to come up with excuses to ask him out which I think he has smelled the surprise I purposely plan for him.

So I changed the plan.I asked his cousin to bring him out.And...Supriseeeeeee!He was so calm when he saw me sitting on the table with balloons.He told me that he has expected the surprise.So yea,we had candle blowing session and polaroid moment.That's the least I can do to make Mr Stranger happy, a day before his real birthday which falls on 15th May.

"To the one who always there when I need a shoulder to cry,to lend your ears listening to my never ending work stories,the one who always teases me,the one who annoys me with his silly jokes and faces,the one who reminds me to be calm and chill,the one who makes me happy everyday in life,the one whom I called an Azman(muka melayu),the one who is so into golfing day and night,the one who listens Light FM in the car ,the one who calls me everyday to remind me "gym gym gym",the one who is very grounded person,the one who made me blushed and touched when he made a surprised pancake,the one who drives all the way to see me when I sulked,the one who can sense my merajuk mode";

Happy Birthday Mr Stranger.

Well, this year I have been trying to do more things which make my schedule more fully occupied.Futsal is a must for me every Monday although sometimes I would end up in the office instead of futsal court.The girls I played with are the bomb.They have all skills and it took me ages to catch up.But really,as age is catching up,my stamina can't cope with the game.Let me tell you that futsal is a risky game especially when you slip and fall down.You might get injured but it burns your fat more than running on treadmill.Haha.Of course running on treadmill everyday except weekend is compulsory to me.

It  is really amazing how great you feel when you do JUST DO IT. Health is a wealth.Healthy lifestyle and making myself to the gym to keep fit reminds me of those days when I was so energetic and active in  sports.Therefore,I keep up with an exercise at least 20 minutes to live longer.The older you get,the body might not coping with excessive exercise but atleast something to sweat.I have always feel energetic running on treadmill when I have the mood in the morning to run.I can happily work throughout the day after the shower!

Happy Exercising!

Sunday, 13 May 2012


First up, let me apologise for my lack of blogging over the last week. April has been really perfect month to me as well as May.Loving it much.Frankly,life has been tremendous beautiful more than before.There are so many things happening to me these 2 months.Bali trip with my best friends forever (bff Alamanda & bff breakfast) turned out perfectly.

Our trip to Bali was seriously the bomb.We  stayed at Legian area.Had our manicure,pedicure,body massage,foot massage,sightseeing at Uluwatu,Tanah Lot and Jimbaran.Short and sweet.We really had fabulous time together besides the girl's trip mainly for G-reen who's getting married this November.Of course,we couldn't organize the hen's night since the other gang couldn't tag along.It's going to be so much fun if the rest of the gang were with us just like good old days in Dublin.

There is more excitement I would love to share.However,I decided not to mention in this entry.Just want to give you all a little heads up because things are going smooth sailing although I have experienced little bit drama.Every single day,I can't stop smiling.Most importantly,my prayers answered.I gained my strength to move forward without moving backward.And I might add,when it all happens and everything comes together.

Notwithstanding,I am really excited to treasure and have bit of joy.I would say,no more crying  over my past.At this juncture,some might know the fact I had get over my horrendous past .I am enjoying time of my life,spending quality time with friends and parents,struggling to achieve the best in my career,savings for future investment,scrapbook project,travelling, applying to be a part time lecturer in college and targeting to lose weight more and more( atleast 10kms a day for 60 minutes cardio) etc.

Turning 27 in 2 months time.I am just a little worried the fact I am no longer young.Well,I am expecting big pressie from parents.Hehs.Yesterday,I experienced a bit panic attacked and was stunned as in I never feel that way.A bit of cliche' but thanks to Marins for being my partner.My feet was cold,I am so nervous to death,over panic till I had ketibas moment(zomggg).It turned out more than I expected.Happy :))).

Anyways,I have big plan for tomorrow.Can’t wait till it eventuates, but if I am going to be honest,I hope it will be good as much as yesterday.To make other people happy is my mission.

 Special shout out to the greatest mothers out there.Happy Mother's Day.To Mama,Happy Mother's Day!I love you more than anything else in this world.None can replace.You made me what I am today.You are my bestie for entire life,you lend your shoulder to cry and always there for me.Thank you for being the greatest Mom to me and Papa.

Friday, 11 May 2012

Oh Jodoh!

When you reach a certain age,when you are no longer considered "young",single and have no commitment,it is very possible to be question "when are you getting married?".At times, I feel like offended with such question.I have reached at one point of "whatever lah",denying the fact age is catching up and forbidding myself to attend cousin's wedding so I won't be caught by aunties,uncles and grand aunties who keen to see me getting married since I am the only child in the family.I consider this as a pressure to me and parents.

There is much talk about marriage.I did mention earlier in my previous post that I would love to settle down when the time comes.I am not scared of commitment but the TIME is not right yet.I am always alarmed by the lengths some people will go to make your life uncomfortable as in I have no effort to find my life partner.Some uncles did call dad to match make with their nephews,friend's son and relatives.Life can be pretty much interesting to have over concerned relatives isn't it?

"If Allah brings you to it,He will bring you through it".All I can do now is only tawakal.Who can question what has written purposely for us?I wouldn't know when because its only a matter of time.I remember when I was at Jabbal Rahmah to pay a visit(place where Adam & Hawa met again).My parents were urging me to doa for my "jodoh".I quickly prayed and saw so many names written at the the "tower".I believed most of people were there to pray for their "jodoh"/ "fate".

But then again,I always believed every little things happened in life has been written and happened with a good reason.In fact, I am so thankful Allah has given me a good life.He took away my sorrow and replaced with happiness.I must say,my life journey was quite tough especially in relationship.I was tested in so many ways."We will meet the worst one before we meet the right one".Therefore,I foresee good things are on its way.In this sense,I guess,doa will do at the moment...

In the name of Allah, We praise Him, seek His help and ask for His forgiveness. Whoever Allah guides none can misguide, and whoever He allows to fall astray, none can guide them aright. We bear witness that there is no one (no idol, no person,  no grave, no prophet,  no imam, no dai,  nobody!) worthy of worship but Allah Alone, and we bear witness that Muhammad(saws) is His slave-servant and the seal of His Messengers