Lately my mind has been wandering into forbidden territory. Little by little, I find my thoughts creeping back to
the past. They do it when I'm not looking, when I'm busy or sleeping or not fully paying attention, and then before I know it, I'm thinking backward, stumbling and tripping over my ideas because I'm going in the wrong direction. The trouble lately has been not only that I'm thinking about the past and spending way too much time there, but I've also been romanticizing it, imagining it in ways that are completely unrealistic.
Clearly this is a problem for many reasons, but one of the things that bugs me the most is that I cannot control what I think about. I know this is normal. I know a lot of us have trouble controlling our thoughts, keeping them moving forward in a productive way. But, for me ,a slight control freak, this drives me crazy. I want to be able to control what I think about, at least to some extent. I want to be able to turn off certain parts of my mind.Probably my work is so piling up with lots of things need to be done and I can't even focus what I have now.
Of course, I'm always trying not to jumble up between personal and work matters, but sometimes when my mind wanders back to the past and I think about how "good" it was then (was it really?) I find that I'm not focusing as much on today.I tend to compare and make my own assumptions.What if we're really meant to be? My mind -- the logical, sane part of me -- knows this is ridiculous. Things end for a reason and, with almost all of my relationships, I've given it a second chance too. It never works out any better the second time around.
I’m not searching for any particular end point, however. All I want is to be happy, to live a life that focuses more on the good than the bad (though I do believe you need both to have a happy life). On this road,this twisting, turning road to happiness -- there have been many ups and downs. There have been challenges. There have been inspirations. There have been many amazing experiences that I never would have had.Here's some pictures to share for the past a week I have been up to:-
Mr Harley's 35th Birthday Dins at ABC
Inter-Bank Futsal Tournament 2013
Little Eusoff's 1st Birthday Party
Miss Best friend Day out and Stooges meeting up