Thursday, 11 July 2013

Riding a bicycle

"Never regret.
If it's good,
it's wonderful.
If it's bad,
it's experience."
Victoria Hol

We've all been to that sad and angry place known as regret. We don't like it there but, at some point everyone has been forced to take a trip there after s/he did or said something and then thought, "OMG, why did I do that???We frantically try to think of a way to undo what's been done. If only there were a "delete" button or a "rewind" button, we think desperately. But, alas, there is not. You can never undo what's been done.

Personally, I'm experiencing so many things since my last relationship ended.I broke so many hearts when my door was opened and shut it.I rejected those who are willingly to accept my past and wanted to start all over again.I was struggling to overcome the past and let my past haunted me. I was tormented by it and yet oddly desperate to relive certain moments again and again. Sometimes I'd literally try to get back to the past by returning to the same locations, people, and activities. Logically, I knew the past was gone, but I couldn't stop myself from trying to relive it at times. And much more often than I liked, I found myself ruminating about what could have been had things gone differently.   

Thinking about the past this way makes me long for it. I want things that aren't -- weren't -- even real. Clearly this is a problem for many reasons, but one of the things that bugs me the most is that I cannot control what I think about.  I know this is normal. I know a lot of us have trouble controlling our thoughts, keeping them moving forward in a productive way.

Was i being too choosy and fussy while I know,no one is PERFECT?I wish to click the button DELETE and start all over again.I should have accepted the flaws and finding perfect way to fit in.