Sunday, 26 January 2014


"I love you, not only for what you are, but for what I am when I am with you." 
Roy Croft

They say you won't get over someone until you find someone and something better.Empty space must be filled.The pain of emptiness is too strong for so long. After my bad break up in 2011, every single moment with an empty spot causes excruciating pain. I was in depression thinking how 8 years of relationship jeopardized and it didn't end up as much as I expected. I cried and struggled to live happily.Everyday I ran from distraction to distraction and from attachment to attachment.So letting go phase took me ages.

I was like a boat in the middle of the sea. The closer I got to shore, the stronger waves became and the harder it was to paddle in.The harder I found against it, the weaker I became until I finally just sat down in the boat, letting it drift once again away from the shore.I tried to move on by got into a relationships and it was disaster.I suffered all over again and again.

I've been doubting myself, allowing my mind to fill with vague and pointed questions like " Why do I have to go through all these again and again".I have found myself searching for something I can't have,cuddling up to my fears and pointing fingers to myself. What has gone wrong? Why? Everyday I pray for a better day filled with happiness. I was battling with myself to find something better,someone who loves me just they way my parents do.

So as I was recovering, searching my soul, let my boat drifting on its own and leave it to God during Ramadhan 2013, I was surprised with few things which was unexpected. The 1st week before my birthday, I got the most perfect gift for my 28th birthday which was my most-ever- wanted promotion.I got promoted and the promotion was signed by Director and CEO. Every moment that is good seems like a miracle. No words can describe my feelings that time when I received the letter. I believed God is fair in a way. He gave me the most precious gift to replace my sorrow for long time.

It was just the kick-in- the- ass I needed, the motivation reminding me that this struggles is not endless. So the relationship part was still not coming ( which that point of time) I am still hoping another miracle. But God knows every single thing. An old english proverb - " A smooth sea never made a skillful sailor". As I was still sailing my own boat, a person whom I never thought to appear again in my life after long time , reconnects.

Oddly enough, the memories came rushing back. When we got back again, we were reconnected with parts of our friendship which we have forgotten about. Just like anything, if you don't do something for a long time, it will seem new again the next time you do it, which makes it exciting. There's a glow to everything, a sparkling happiness that makes even the most unfortunate of situations seem bearable.

Love, I believe, is limitless. It's not as if you have a ration of love and you have to dole it out carefully. You can love yourself as much as you want while still having plenty of love to go around. You can wake up every day and love yourself as much as you possibly can and still love all of the people around you. That's the amazing thing about love!

" It's something that happens. I know my old friend is reading it now ( Hahaha ;p).Here's a song I dedicate to you for being an amazing best friend to me now. Thank you for making everyday the best day of my life" .