I've had a lot going on the past few weeks. Juggling with life, exam preparations, yada yada. So many things in my head right now. At this point of time, I'm working toward that goal and, lucky for me, I'm not alone. I have so many wonderful, supportive people in my life and people around me helped me lots to juggle with my exam preparations. Last minute, i managed to drag a friend of mine to sort my panic attack on fx paper and derivative. Anyway, after 3 weeks of struggling (well, honestly it reminds back then in Dublin), I am done with the exams and waiting for the result for another 2 months. InshaAllah, I can only pray for the best.
So what's new? Nothing is new about me. Plain old me.As often as I write about and spend time exploring the concept of happiness, you might be surprised to know I'm scared to explore and find perfect shoes to fit in again. When I come across those moments when I'm feeling so deliriously happy that I can't stand it (the excitement moment), I feel a slight sense of panic, thinking to myself, "Watch out! That happiness is going to leave you and then where will you be?" Having lived so long in a state of unhappiness, I actually have begun to mistrust the happy times, as if they are some deadbeat who will come and leave at whenever it's convenient.
Teaching myself to believe that happiness is a choice has been one of the greatest things I’ve ever done for myself. Now when I find myself in a bad situation, I know that it’s up to me to find the good, to be happy regardless of what’s happening around me.I’ve had to do a lot to get to where I am right now( where thinking about to settle down as soon as possible), and I still believe I have a long way to go. I’m not searching for any particular end point( well you know getting married is not end of your unhappy life), however. All I want is to be happy, to live a life that focuses more on the good than the bad. On this road, this twisting, turning road to happiness, there have been many ups and downs. There have been challenges. There have been inspirations. There have been many amazing experiences that I never would have had if I had not made this first choice which is the choice to live a positive life. Here's some picture earlier today with the mommies club. Catching up after a while.