Refuse to give up on what matters most

Well, I've been afraid of changing
Cause I built my life around you
But time makes you bolder
Even children get older
And I'm getting older too

As I crawled into bed last night I pondered these questions. I wondered why I was so deeply disturbed with this situation. If I was so happy now, why was I letting the past get to me? I tossed and turned for a bit, unusually unsettled in my own bed. I wanted answers. I wanted to know why something that happened years and years and years ago could affect me so much right now. I wanted it to stop. I wanted to push my emotions away, but I didn't. I sat with them. I let them be what they were. I tried to be objective about them and remind myself that I feel this way right now and that's okay.I questioned myself,I have my career and amazing family,why must past is still haunting me. 

A lot of people look down on those trying to better their lives. Which I sometimes do.Perhaps it is  fear or just plain ignorance, but for whatever reason, people may judge you for striving to be positive. People may criticize you or attempt to stand in your way. Don't let them. Don't let anyone or anything come between you and living the life you want to be living. Remember that, no matter what, this is your life. If you want to live it positively, don't let anyone or anything stand in your way. 

The only way to go about learning to love yourself is to invest time in it. It might sound silly to some, but finding true love for yourself and really knowing what matters to you is essential for living a positive life. Before you can love anyone or anything else fully, you must first love yourself. I am so grateful,God replaced my sorrow with wonderful things in life.Don't ever think about self-love or soul searching as a waste of time; the time you spend learning to love yourself is incredibly valuable.

 All I have is now. And, the way I see it, I must let the past (especially the bad parts of relationship) take over all our life. So I've worked so hard over the past two years and a half to achieve my dream and juggling with my career.I am not about to let one awkward night of revisiting the past take that away from me. Just recent, when I overheard top management praised my paper work and acknowledge.I was honored.I know, MY hard work pays off.Two month to end 2012 and I'll be welcoming 2013 with open heart.It's one thing that ultimately causes a great deal of being in corporate world.I must thank to my immediate boss who has assisted me throughout the journey of being in the corporate world.The time I've spent to read and think.

I've been thinking a lot to move to other banks next year.It's not that I hate working in my current bank but I need to gain more experience and adapt new environment.I love working in this bank so much not because " everyone knows me" but the knowledge I gain throughout 2 years and a half.I am more confident to emphasize my justification on economies,what industries are exciting and what is not( at least relevant points).

In some ways it feels like it has been the longest month of my life but at the same time,the shortest.If that makes any sense at all.Looking forward for November to arrive with loads of weddings to attend and activities to occupy my time.However,there's no denying on " age is catching up".I believed there's always a good reason I can't get everything I desire.One thing I always remind myself,

DON'T GIVE UP because you only have one life to live.

Selamat Hari Raya Aidil Adha