My kind of perfect

Like every relationship,I have had my good days and my bad day, but one thing I've learned from relationship is how to forgive and move forward. When we've had arguments, we seem to recover from them and move forward, focusing on the present instead of the past. Forgiveness, I've learned, is such an important part of creating a lasting love. No matter how great a relationship, everyone has arguments or difficulties. The trick isn't learning how to avoid such things, but learning how to cope with them when they happen. 

Couple of days ago, I had "the thought" attack on my relationship,I spend countless hours thinking about what could happen in the future, preparing for the worst, I tell myself, just so I'm not disappointed or surprised.. Though I stressed and worried and thought about them (just as if they were really happening!), they never occurred. These "thought attacks" were happening in real life, while these imagined scenarios were only occurring in my mind. 

When I think about it now, it seems so silly to worry and fret about things that have never happened (and probably won't), but I know it's so much easier to say, "Oh, I won't worry about that next time!" than it is to actually not worry when a potentially worrisome situation presents itself. Even though these are my thoughts, sometimes it feels as if they are coming from somewhere else.

As real as our thoughts sometimes feel, they are not reality ; especially those thoughts about what's going to happen in the future. We might feel strongly about what could happen, but we don't know for sure. There's no way of knowing what the future holds. This means that what we're thinking isn't knowledge, we can't predict the future, but merely ideas. And these ideas are driven mostly by our feelings, which can often get carried away especially when facing a stressful situation.

As a result, the first and most important step of defending myself against a thought attack is to do Solat Istiqarah. All my life, I have been scared of praying Istiqarah. I am scared of the result and the possibility of leading me to frustration. Well, after all, only Allah knows best and I believe He will bring what is best and take away what is not the best.Even the worst-case scenario can sometimes lead to something unexpectedly wonderful. 

I am still struggling to come to terms with the fact that my imagined future isn't a reality yet. The best thing is to leave it to Allah and " redha ". In some ways, Istiqarah will give a brief glimpse of our future. InsyaAllah. So the focus of the "doa" is not that which what we are asking for.The focus is what is best in this life and next. At this juncture, I have nothing to share yet except as a woman, we have to work on building that jannah and work on entering that jannah. InsyaAllah.