Sunday, 22 November 2009

3 a.m

Blogging while having coffee next to me and i couldnt sleep for the past few weeks.I havent got time to update here and there.So,this is it.Blogging in the middle of night while everyone is sleeping.


Since Mummy left,I started to feel the emptiness.I spent 24 hours with her for 2 weeks and we had fab time together.Everytime I used my telekung,i still can smell her perfumes.It makes me miss her so much.Sending her to the airport was the awful moment ever.I hate the fact we have to be apart again and i couldnt take it anymore.

Before i begin to write more,my relationship status in facebook has changed.And yes,Im in a relationship with him again and this is for real.I must admit my heart has broken into pieces and to mend my broken heart was the toughest phase in my life.Everyday i would miss his presence even i tried to hide it.

I have gone through rigorous years of deleting him from my life.I tried my best but I failed.To be honest although we ended our relationship,we still keep in touch everyday.Then i realized i can't live without him even i started to mingle around.To this extend,I have hurt so many feelings just because I couldn't get over him.I never intended to hurt anyone.I am truly sorry.

As I tried to reconcile everything a month ago,I figured out astonishing news which shattered me.There's another person in between us.It takes 2 to tango isnt it?Can you imagine myself have to face all this again?I was extremely breakdown and I couldn't stop crying.My condition was unstable and vulnerable everyday.I must say i have no strength to fight the pain.Allah has tested me again.

As pathetic as it may seem,I spent most of the time blaming myself for being idiot.He tried to convinced me and promised everything will be fine but deep inside,I was devastated.I felt betrayed and cheated.Life has its way of teaching me from rights and wrongs but not in this relationship.My door of happiness was shut in the middle of recon.

I was down and couldn't think what's best for us.Things wasn't right.I lost my appetite and couldn't sleep well for the past a month.I pray to Allah to bestow me strength everyday.Mum came at the perfect time when i was down.She was here to calm me down.I was surprised when he actually handed mummy a box of khazanah jewellery box the night before mummy flew to Dublin.A gift for my graduation and an apology.

Things happen for a reason.I opted to take a risk again of investing my life to a person i love most besides mamapapa.I'm filled with so many questions in my head. Have I made the right choice?Eventually,I woke up from my sorrow and ready to start all over again.This would be the last chance i shall give for this relationship.Im leaving the past and open a new book with him as a start.

Something that I will remember forever and will really keep me going is my strength which Allah has awarded me although i was utterly suffered before.I gained my strength.My relationship with him is getting better.Everyday we try to work things out even Long Distance Relationship is sucks big time.All i can rely on is trust and im sure Allah will lead me.I only can pray the best for us,InsyaAllah.I strongly believed,Allah will guide me even he took away my happiness for a while.