Saturday, 26 May 2012

Every other Saturday

Cancer is a bugger of a disease.

I remember seeing Mum suffered during the chemotherapy and radiotherapy.I was 19 years old when we found out she had 1 1/2  stage breast cancer.Looking back the days when Dad came back with the mamogram result,I could see his worried face and granny was crying.Mum was calm when she knew the result.She insist to remove her right breast immediately.So the operation took place on 23rd December 2005 a week after the result out.I wasn't there before she entered before I was still shocked and came after my aunties begging me to come.

Of course before the operation,Dad was telling me that the chances is 50/50.It took me ages to digest and I remember to see her pale face soon after she was out from the operation theatre.My aunts and granny were crying.Then,as soon she woke up,she vomited.Again,I was scared.She was admitted for 3 weeks and I slept taking care of her day and night.

Mum has been diagnosed .A month after the surgery,she had to go through chemo and God knows how awful it was seeing her losing her hair bit by bit.She became bald and radiotherapy made her weak .I cried everytime I came back from hospital.I accompanied her to do all her treatments.At that point of time,I prayed to Allah that I don't want to lose here.Day and Night,I recited Quran.Its surreal.

I was young at that juncture to see my mum diagnosed and pale most of the time but I do know she's always positive.She told me to stay positive.Her spirit keep me going stronger.None from our gen had cancer and she was the 1st gen to have it.

She fight the pain  and Alhamdulillah,after 7 years,she is the pink of health.I was so happy seeing her energetic like she used to.Leading up to this day,I am so thankful for what Allah tested me although recovery takes time.I appreciate the time we spend together and genuinely love and adore her much.I always remember her words,"When Allah took away something,He will definitely replacing you with something".

Sometimes, looking in the mirror, I forget these words and default to feeling yuck about myself, even though I know I am a (relatively) intelligent, cheeky and bubbly. Those guilty feelings about feeling so silly in the first place, and so terribly female (a joyous privilege if ever there was one!) in the second, are hard to shake.

Every girl bares beauty scars. Each of these is tied into some comment made in my formative years designed to strip me of my dignity and focus my energies on things I couldn't really change without a lot of expended time, money and energy.Once,I hate my body so much because I can't bear all my fats and my effort to the gym was wasted.But then again,I should be grateful that I am living in healthy way(exclude the ciggy).I appreciate my body so much.

God knows how much I love my parents.Irreplaceable.I would trade myself for them.My other half's dad is currently battling and admitted into ICU almost 2 weeks.He had this complication after fall and hit his head.Nauzubillah.Let's pray his dad will recover soon.Dear You,I hope you are strong and never stop praying for him.I am here to support you.You know I will :).Chin up, love.*hugs*

I'm not sure about how can you detect the breast cancer.You may want to check this out :-