Monday, 20 August 2012

Love always

Like most people, I'm pretty busy with Eid preparation although the whole family are still overwhelmed to accept the fact grandma is no longer around to celebrate together.Went back to Mum's hometown and visited grandparents grave right after the prayers.And really, Raya was not that fun.Its definitely hard to explain.

Back in KL today.

 I received an sms from a friend who was feeling down about her ex who got married yesterday in Australia.She just couldn't help herself to cry the whole night and been telling me it was the most pathetic Eid she ever experienced.Reading her sms,reminds me of myself.It was completely related.To be honest,I was literally cried when I was told my ex got married after we decided to split.


Personally, I've never been a calm person to deal with such a bombard news especially it involves me and my past.Life,lessons and love.Life is exciting to be honest.I always give myself really great advice, but over the last year I've actually started listening to it. Now that I'm actually taking my own advice and listening to what I really need, I'm happier than ever and there is so much to be done.

How exhausting and endless self-improvement can be at times! But I'm working on it. I'm doing it -- pushing along and doing whatever I can to make my life what I want it to be. After all, it's my life and no one is going to make the next year of it a great one for me. If I want another great, eye-opening year of my life, I have to take the reigns and take control.  I want to have control (and, no, not in that perfectionist way of mine) and I want to be able to look back and say that I lived my life the way I wanted to live it.

For the first time, I'm looking back on a year and realizing how amazing it was and how far I've come.I've woken up and thought to myself, "What am I doing with my life?! Why do I have to be sad when my ex settling down and  move on with another woman in his life?Why can't I be happy? I'll admit, some of those days were horrendous. Some of those days were the worst days I've ever had. But those days, and all of the drag-myself-through-this days to follow, were what brought me here, "I DESERVED TO BE HAPPY TOO".

First, before I go on, let me say that my friend is quite pretty. She's the kind of girl you'll be walking with and randomly guys will look over and say, "Hi!" as if something compelled them to utter the word. She's beautiful. But, like most beautiful women, that doesn't necessarily stop her from feeling down on herself when her relationship jeopardized.

Her long distance relationship started to tremble when she moved back to Malaysia after been together when they were in Australia for quite sometime. They decided to split after having much trouble in terms of distance and religion.Both moving on with their life although she had to mend her broken heart everyday.I've seen her crying everyday mourning about how pathetic her life turned out to be.Similarly with my story,when she had to face alone every moment without the ex,a guy whom she loved more than anything else in this world.

But enough of being sad.There's no point of dwelling over the past.We only have one life to cherish and to live.It feels like somewhere along the line, we’ve missed the point of it all, MOVE ON TO ANOTHER LEVEL and be happy RIGHT NOW.The least we can do only to pray everything will be alright even it takes long years to cease the memories.

If you want to be happier (and don't we all?) one of the best things we can for ourselves is to accept pain in our lives. Yeah, it would be great if we didn't have to deal with pain (or would it?), but we do. That's life. Sometimes it's shitty. Sometimes it sucks. But I can guarantee that if you are living your life trying to avoid all of the painful, shitty things, you're making yourself pretty darn unhappy. So start being happier right now by doing just this one thing: stop avoiding your pain.

 I can't say that I'm an expert on this yet, but I know that now that I've started to deal with my pain I'm a lot happier (yes, even when I'm actually experiencing the pain) than I am when I try my hardest to avoid it.So,I replied to her long smses hoping she'll be ok until I meet her in the next 2 days.

Dear xxxx,

Allah is really fair.He took away your happiness and replace it with other things.The best is yet to come.He may tested you in such a way .You have to put trust in Allah and love Him more than anything else.He will make the best of your life .Nothing is ever to be perfect.Please hang on there and enjoy your Eid.

Love always,