Tuesday, 4 March 2008

is't worth of waiting?

im sitting on the couch alone in living room.yes,i cannot deny the fact im so excited to go back home.counting the months,days,hours and mins to go back to the root.well,there are few things i really want to do in msia despite shopping because its my ultimate goal to go home(rindukan family is diff in the list).

i have been keeping these feelings since i arrived in dublin.6 and half months is quite numbers of months.im all alone to think all this.i walked alone,i cried alone,i melayan my own perasaan alone and the best thing is im giving my ownself a space.i always wish that things gonna be fine but as times grows apart,i realised that i have been matured enuff to think wisely.

there are so many things that i learnt in life.for years i have been a moron to myself.i jeopardised my future infront me.i almost killed myself because i wanted to be the witness of wat-so ever shit happened behind my back,i didnt go to class,i failed my ACCA papers for 3 years,i cheated mama n papa and i didnt bother their feelings when they have to pay my fees.when i decided to go here,mama and papa were behind my back giving me supports.every second of my beat,their doa and bless is with me.

Love is very universal.however there is unconditional love that nobody cant give it.look at yourself on mirror,did u realise how much the parents have given u the loves from the day u was born!its countless.i realised that why we bother to cry because sumone refused to love,care us more than anything else in this world?why??i cried when i awake from my stupid feelings after years i have been treated like shit.i asked myself how could i be idiot up to this level??

The reason to come home is to sort everything that has been stranded.i want to tell mama n papa that their lil girl wont cry.sometimes,im grateful that ALLAH made me learnt every step of life.i put an extra guts to face the fact and stand up to say it out that "ITS NOT WORTH OF WAITING ME BECAUSE I HAVE FOUND BEAUTIFUL LIFE INSIDE MY HEART".its going to be hurtful but this is what i want....,